It was only natural for her to wonder about the ways I hadn’t changed. Frankly, it took every ounce of my self-control not to grab her and abscond. I had come so close to having everything I wanted, and in a split second it seemed things between Livvie and me would end before we even got to the car.
I suddenly didn’t trust myself.
“Maybe... this was a mistake?” I edged. I wanted to give her the choice, but I wasn’t sure I could bear to hear the answer.
She closed her eyes and squeezed herself a little tighter. Her brows knit together in what I interpreted as sorrow. Her head shook slightly from side to side.
I took it as a good sign. Her tells weren’t choice—they were instinct. It thrilled me to know her instinct was to deny any possibility that meeting me was a mistake.
“I know what I want, Livvie. I want to be a part of your life again. I know we can’t start over. I know you have every reason in the world to want me dead, but I—”
She placed her hand over my mouth.
“Don’t. I’m not ready for that either,” she said. She almost seemed angry with me.
I can never overstate the depth and beauty of Livvie’s eyes. I can stare into them forever, until I forget my own name (which, let’s face it—wouldn’t take me long).
I took my left hand out of my pocket and covered her hand over my mouth. I kissed her fingers and nodded. It was as close to supplication as I could come without making a groveling ass of myself. It wasn’t pride—it was stratagem. If I had thought groveling would get Livvie into my car, I would have made a good show of it. I’m shameless.
Slowly, Livvie pulled her hand away from my mouth and curled her fingers around mine. She shook her head and smiled ruefully.
“I don’t know what I’m doing either, Caleb. I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve put certain aspects of my life on hold, thinking—hoping that one day you’d find me again. And now you’re here and I have to be honest… it’s freaking me out.”
I stepped closer to her. I was elated when she didn’t take a step back. Her hand was warm in mine and her red lips were simply begging to be kissed again. She’d caught me off guard with the first one. I was desperate to make the second kiss last.
“I know. I don’t expect you to trust me, but, Livvie, I would never do anything to hurt you again. Just give me a chance to prove it. How can I prove it to you?” I couldn’t resist the urge to stroke her bronzed shoulder. She looked like a goddess. She looked like sex on silky legs. Her kitten tongue, just like I remembered it, swept her bottom lip as she pondered her response. “You’re killing me with that, Livvie.”
Her head tilted to one side.
“Killing you with what?”
I took a chance and tugged her a little closer. I removed my other hand from my pocket and let my thumb run across the curved bow of her lips. We swallowed.
“I want to kiss you again, but I’m afraid I’ll scare you away.” I took a step back when she tensed. “So I won’t.”
It was almost more than I cared to take. The impulsive man in me that was used to getting what he wanted at any cost was tempted to take control.
I realize you’ve somehow been lulled into believing my baser urges had been overcome, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth at the time. I had spent the year prior to our reunion righting old wrongs, and sometimes it had meant being the man Rafiq had raised me to be.
“How did you find me, Caleb?” Livvie’s voice was small and her fear irritated me because I knew she had a right to it. She cared about me. She wouldn’t have shown up if she didn’t, but I hated her trepidation just the same.
“What do you want me to say? You know who I am. You know what I do.” I let go of her hand before she had a chance to pull away from me again. The night was quickly going to shit. I was glad she didn’t have me arrested, but I hadn’t really planned for a scenario involving lust and incredible awkwardness.
“Hey,” she whispered. “I don’t mean it like that. I’m happy to see you, I am! But if you found me… what makes you think someone else can’t?”
I felt like an idiot.
“It wasn’t easy. If it weren’t for our conversations, the things I know about you, I don’t think I would have found you. You’re safe, Livvie. No one’s coming for you. I swear it.” I didn’t mention that I’d killed anyone who would have bothered.
“What things?” she asked. I could hear the hesitation in her voice.
“Do you really want to know, Livvie? Because once you know, I can’t take it back.” I let my eyes meet hers. I was willing to do a lot of things to win her, but she had to accept the harsh truth that I wasn’t a man who played by society’s rules and I never would be.
“Did you hurt anyone?” Her eyes implored me to say no.
“No,” I said honestly. I even managed a flirtatious smile. She smiled back.
“Then I guess I don’t need to know.” She reached for my hand and tugged me in the direction we had been walking.
“This still doesn’t solve the problem of what we’re going to do when we get to my car.”
“Is it a stick shift?”
“Of course. Why? Did you finally learn to drive?” I laughed at the memory of her admitting she couldn’t drive. I laughed even harder when she scowled at me and playfully hit my shoulder.
“Asshole.”
“Aww, you like it when I tease you.”
“No. I don’t.”
“Then why are you smiling?” I whispered the words in her ear as we walked. All became right in my world when I felt her nudge me with her shoulder and her hand held mine a little tighter. The void in me sighed. I had found a way to feed it.
“I can drive. I’m not good with a stick though.”
“I don’t remember you being quite so bad with mine.” A smile played across her lips as she gawked at me. If there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s flirt.
“I’ve seen you handle your stick, Caleb. You’re much better at it than I am.” She kept eye contact with me as I stared at her in shock, but she still blushed something furious.
I tried to make words come out of my mouth. I settled for smiling and shaking my head. She’d made me uncomfortable in the best way. It was a skill only she seemed to possess. I know it sounds juvenile, but there it is.
Finally, we reached my car. I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t expect Livvie to be impressed. If you’ve ever stood in the presence of a Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera and not gotten a tingly sensation in your naughty bits, you have to be very young, very old, or completely f**king blind.
“Nice car,” she said.
I could tell she was trying to be nonchalant. She didn’t do it well. I knew what she looked like when her pu**y was wet.
“Wait until you get inside. It’s my favorite part.” And yes, gentle readers, I am that f**king smooth. I didn’t open the door for her, but considering I was used to women opening them for me, let’s call it progress.
I slid against the soft black leather and reached for Livvie’s safety harness. Within the enclosed space of the vehicle, her scent infiltrated my senses. I took my time pulling the straps across Livvie’s chest. I could feel her anxiety like a physical caress, but I didn’t think it had to do with fear.
I was mere inches from her red lips. They were gently parted. I could hear her taking soft open-mouthed breaths. I looked up into her eyes and noticed immediately how they seemed both vigilant, and heavy with desire. She was watching my every move very carefully.
I leaned closer to her. I moved slowly, giving her every opportunity to say no or push me away. Carefully, I braced myself against her door with one hand. I didn’t want my weight against her, not yet. I brushed the end of her nose with mine, urging her head to tilt upward. I felt her breath against my mouth, faster and heavier than before. And at last, I watched her eyes close as she leaned forward.
I let the tip of my tongue trace her bottom lip, coaxing her mouth open. I didn’t want to rush things. Well, I did want to, but I know when I shouldn’t. I wanted to push her up against the door, rip off her panties, and ram myself into her, but I suspected she wouldn’t appreciate it as much as I would. It was enough to feel her lips opening for me. I came a little closer and she let out a soft whimper into my mouth.
She wanted me. She wanted me as much as I wanted her.
I kissed her for a long time. I couldn’t get enough of her moans. I liked to threaten to pull away and let her lean forward, chasing after my mouth. I was pretty sure if I used my skills in the right way, I could get Livvie into my bed. I could see every glorious inch of her. Taste her pu**y in my mouth before I wrapped her legs around me and f**ked her until there was no come left inside me.
I heard myself moan, but I didn’t give a f**k. I hadn’t had sex in months, and the sex I’d had since Livvie wasn’t worth mentioning or even thinking about. I’d jerked off before I came to meet her and my balls still felt heavy. I took a chance and removed my hand from the door. I let myself caress her shoulder to gauge her reaction to my touch.
“Caleb,” she sighed. She gripped the edges of her seat and pushed her chest out slightly. Her tongue pushed harder and deeper into my mouth.