In the pause which followed, Jude's eyes fixed themselves with
a stultified expression on the opposite seat. "Well!" he
said... "Well!"
He remained in silence; and seeing how discomfited he was she put her
face against his cheek, murmuring, "Don't be vexed, dear!"
"Oh--there's no harm done," he said. "But--I understood it like
that... Is this a sudden change of mind?"
"You have no right to ask me such a question; and I shan't answer!"
she said, smiling.
"My dear one, your happiness is more to me than anything--although we
seem to verge on quarrelling so often!--and your will is law to me.
I am something more than a mere--selfish fellow, I hope. Have it as
you wish!" On reflection his brow showed perplexity. "But perhaps
it is that you don't love me--not that you have become conventional!
Much as, under your teaching, I hate convention, I hope it IS that,
not the other terrible alternative!"
Even at this obvious moment for candour Sue could not be quite candid
as to the state of that mystery, her heart. "Put it down to my
timidity," she said with hurried evasiveness; "to a woman's natural
timidity when the crisis comes. I may feel as well as you that I
have a perfect right to live with you as you thought--from this
moment. I may hold the opinion that, in a proper state of society,
the father of a woman's child will be as much a private matter of
hers as the cut of her underlinen, on whom nobody will have any
right to question her. But partly, perhaps, because it is by his
generosity that I am now free, I would rather not be other than a
little rigid. If there had been a rope-ladder, and he had run after
us with pistols, it would have seemed different, and I may have acted
otherwise. But don't press me and criticize me, Jude! Assume that
I haven't the courage of my opinions. I know I am a poor miserable
creature. My nature is not so passionate as yours!"
He repeated simply! "I thought--what I naturally thought. But if we
are not lovers, we are not. Phillotson thought so, I am sure. See,
here is what he has written to me." He opened the letter she had
brought, and read: "I make only one condition--that you are tender and kind to her. I
know you love her. But even love may be cruel at times. You are
made for each other: it is obvious, palpable, to any unbiased older
person. You were all along 'the shadowy third' in my short life with
her. I repeat, take care of Sue."