Beulah - Page 252/348

[Here several sentences were illegible from tears, and she could

only read what followed.] "Since yesterday morning Ernest has not spoken to me. While I write

he is sitting in the next room, reading, as cold, indifferent, and

calm as if I were not perfectly wretched. He is tyrannical; and

because I do not humor all his whims, and have some will of my own,

he treats me with insulting indifference. He is angry now because I

resented some of his father's impertinent speeches about my dress.

This is not the first nor the second time that we have quarreled. He

has an old-maid sister who is forever meddling about my affairs and

sneering at my domestic arrangements; and because I finally told her

I believed I was mistress of my own house Ernest has never forgiven

me. Ellen (the sister I loved and went to school with) has married

and moved to a distant part of the State. The other members of his

family are bigoted, proud, and parsimonious, and they have chiefly

made the breach between us. Oh, Beulah, if I could only undo the

past, and be Pauline Chilton once more! Oh, if I could be free and

happy again! But there is no prospect of that. I am his wife, as he

told me yesterday, and suppose I must drag out a miserable

existence. Yet I will not be trampled on by his family! His sister

spends much of her time with us; reads to Ernest, talks to him about

things that she glories in telling me I don't understand the first

word of. Beulah, I was anxious to study and make myself a companion

for him; but, try as I may, Lucy contrives always to fret and thwart

me. Two days ago she nearly drove me beside myself with her sneers

and allusions to my great mental inferiority to Ernest (as if I were

not often enough painfully reminded of the fact without any of her

assistance!). I know I should not have said it, but I was too angry

to think of propriety, and told her that her presence in my home was

very disagreeable. Oh, if you could have seen her insulting smile,

as she answered that her 'noble brother needed her, and she felt it

a duty to remain with him.' Beulah, I love my husband; I would do

anything on earth to make him happy if we were left to ourselves,

but as to submitting to Lucy's arrogance and sneers, I will not!

Ernest requires me to apologize to his father and sister, and I told

him I would not! I would die first! He does not love me or he would

shield me from such trials. He thinks his sister is perfection, and

I tell you I do absolutely detest her. Now, Beulah, there is no one

else to whom I would mention my unhappiness. Mother does not suspect

it, and never shall, even when she visits me. Uncle Guy predicted

it, and I would not have him know it for the universe. But I can

trust you; I feel that you will sympathize with me, and I want you

to counsel me. Oh, tell me what I ought to do to rid myself of this

tormenting sister-in-law and father-in-law, and, I may say, all

Ernest's kin. Sometimes, when I think of the future, I absolutely

shudder; for if matters go on this way much longer I shall learn to

hate my husband too. He knew my disposition before he married me,

and has no right to treat me as he does. If it were only Ernest I

could bring myself to 'obey' him, for I love him very devotedly; but

as to being dictated to by all his relatives, I never will! Beulah,

burn this blurred letter; don't let anybody know how drearily I am

situated. I am too proud to have my misery published. To know that

people pitied me would kill me. I never can be happy again, but

perhaps you can help me to be less miserable. Do write to me! Oh,

how I wish you could come to me! I charge you, Beulah, don't let

Uncle Guy know that I am not happy. Good-by. Oh, if ever you marry,

be sure your husband has no old-maid sisters and no officious kin! I

am crying so that I can barely see the lines. Good-by, dear Beulah."