"Here," said he, "ended the worst of my state; for now I could at least
put myself in the way of happiness; I could exert myself; I could do
something. But to be waiting so long in inaction, and waiting only for
evil, had been dreadful. Within the first five minutes I said, 'I will
be at Bath on Wednesday,' and I was. Was it unpardonable to think it
worth my while to come? and to arrive with some degree of hope? You
were single. It was possible that you might retain the feelings of the
past, as I did; and one encouragement happened to be mine. I could
never doubt that you would be loved and sought by others, but I knew to
a certainty that you had refused one man, at least, of better
pretensions than myself; and I could not help often saying, 'Was this
for me?'"
Their first meeting in Milsom Street afforded much to be said, but the
concert still more. That evening seemed to be made up of exquisite
moments. The moment of her stepping forward in the Octagon Room to
speak to him: the moment of Mr Elliot's appearing and tearing her
away, and one or two subsequent moments, marked by returning hope or
increasing despondency, were dwelt on with energy.
"To see you," cried he, "in the midst of those who could not be my
well-wishers; to see your cousin close by you, conversing and smiling,
and feel all the horrible eligibilities and proprieties of the match!
To consider it as the certain wish of every being who could hope to
influence you! Even if your own feelings were reluctant or
indifferent, to consider what powerful supports would be his! Was it
not enough to make the fool of me which I appeared? How could I look
on without agony? Was not the very sight of the friend who sat behind
you, was not the recollection of what had been, the knowledge of her
influence, the indelible, immoveable impression of what persuasion had
once done--was it not all against me?"
"You should have distinguished," replied Anne. "You should not have
suspected me now; the case is so different, and my age is so different.
If I was wrong in yielding to persuasion once, remember that it was to
persuasion exerted on the side of safety, not of risk. When I yielded,
I thought it was to duty, but no duty could be called in aid here. In
marrying a man indifferent to me, all risk would have been incurred,
and all duty violated."