"Stop. I can't bear it. I can't sit there with David in my arms and
hear you say I am good. It isn't true! I can't bear it--" She stopped
short, and turned away from him, trembling very much.
The doctor, alarmed at this outbreak of hysteria, and frowning with
concern, put out his kind protesting hands to take hers. But she
cringed away from him.
"Don't," she said hoarsely; and then in a whisper: "He is not--my
brother."
William, his hand still outstretched, stared at her, his mouth falling
slowly open.
"I told you," she said, "that I wasn't--good."
"My God!" said William King. He stepped back sharply, then suddenly
sat down, leaning his head on his clenched hand.
Helena, turning slightly, saw him. "I always told you I wasn't," she
cried out angrily; "why would you insist on saying I was?"
He did not seem to notice her, though perhaps he shrank a little. That
movement, even if she only imagined it, was like the touch of flame.
She felt an intolerable dismay. It was more than anger, far more than
terror; it seemed to envelop her whole body with a wave of scarlet. It
was a new, unbearable, burning anguish. It was shame.
She had an impulse to tear it from her, as if it were some tangible
horror, some blazing film, that was covering her flesh. With a cry,
she broke out: "You don't understand! I am not wicked. Do you hear me? I am not
wicked. You must listen I"
He made no answer.
"I am not wicked--the way you think. My husband killed my baby. I told
you that, long ago. And I could not live with him. I couldn't I Don't
you see? Oh, listen, please! Please listen! And Lloyd loved me, and he
said I would be happy. And I went away. And we thought Frederick would
divorce me, so we could be married. But he didn't. Oh, he didn't on
purpose! And we have been waiting for him to die. And he didn't
die--he wouldn't die!" she said with a wail. "But now he is dead,
and--"
And what? Alas, what? She waited a second, and then went on, with
passionate conviction, "And now I am to be married. Yes, you see, I am
not as wicked as you think. I am to be married; you won't think me
wicked then, will you? Not when I am married? I couldn't have you say
those things while I sat and held David. But now I am to be married."
In her excitement she came and stood beside him, but he would not look
at her. Silence tingled between them. Over on the sofa, David stirred
and opened his eyes.