Confession - Page 14/274

Behold me, then, merchandising by day, and conning by night

the intricate mysteries of law. Books for the latter purpose were

furnished by my old friend, William Edgerton, from his father's

library. He himself was a student, beginning about the same time

with myself; though with the superior privilege of devoting himself

exclusively to this study. But if he had more time, I was more

indefatigable. My pride was roused, and emulation soon enabled me

to supply the want of leisure. My nights were surrendered, almost

wholly, to my new pursuit. I toiled with all the earnestness which

distinguished my temperament, stimulated to a yet higher degree by

those feelings of pride and pique, which were resolved to convince

my skeptical uncle that I was not entirely without those talents, the

assertion of which had so promptly provoked his sneer. Besides, I

had already learned that no such scheme as mine could be successfully

prosecuted, unless by a stern resolution; and this implied the

constant presence of a close, undeviating method in my studies. I

tasked myself accordingly to read--understandingly, if possible--so

many pages every night, making my notes, queries, doubts, &c., EN

PASSANT.

In order to do this, I prescribed to myself a rule, to

pass directly from the toils of the day and the store to my chamber,

suffering no stoppage by the way, and studiously denying myself

the dangerous fascinations of that society which was everywhere at

command, in the persons of young men about my own age and condition.

The intensity of my character, and the suspiciousness which it

induced, helped me in this determination. Perhaps, there is no

greater danger to a young man's habits of study and business, than

a chat at the street corner, with a merry and thoughtless group.

A single half hour consumed in this manner, is almost always fatal

to the remaining hours of the day. It breaks into the circle, and

impairs the method without which the passage of the sun becomes

a very weary and always an unprofitable progress. If you would

be a student or anything, you must plunge headlong into it at the

beginning--bury yourself in your business, and work your way out

of your toils, by sheer, dogged industry.

My labors were so far successful that I could prosecute my studies

with independence. I had left the dwelling of my uncle the moment

I took employment in the mercantile house. My salary, though small,

was ample; with my habits, it was particularly so. I had few of

those vices in which young men are apt to indulge, and which, when

they become habits, cease unhappily to be regarded as vices. I used

tobacco in no shape, and no ardent spirits. I needed no stimulants,

and, by the way, true industry never does. It is only indolence that

needs drink; and indolence does need it; and the sooner drunkenness

kills indolence by the use of drink, the better for society. The

only objection to liquors as an agent for ridding the community of

a nuisance, is, that it is rather too slow, and too offensive in

its detailed operations; arsenic would be far less offensive, more

summary, and is far more certain. You would seek vainly to cure

drunkenness, unless you first cure the idleness which is its root

and strength, and, while they last, its permanent support. But my

object is not homily.