Confession - Page 172/274

"Until recently, I should have had no fears myself. But connecting

one fact with another--his absence all night, nightly--the

stealthiness with which he departs from home after the family has

retired--the stealthiness with which he returns just before day--his

visible agitation when addressed--and, oh Clifford! worst of all

signs, the shrinking of his eye beneath mine and his mother's--the

fear to meet, and the effort to avoid us--these are the signs which

most pain me, and excite my apprehensions But look at his face and

figure also. The haggard misery of the one, sign of sleeplessness

and late watching--the attenuated feebleness of the other, showing

the effects of some practices, no matter of what particular sort,

which are undermining his constitution, and rapidly tending to

destroy him. If you but look in his eye as I have done, marking

its wildness, its wandering, its sensible expression of shame--you

can hardly fail to think with me that something is morally wrong.

He is guilty--"

"He is guilty!"

I echoed the words of the father, involuntarily. They struck the

chord of conviction in my own soul, and seemed to me the language

of a judgment.

"Ha! You know it, then?" cried the old man. "Speak! Tell me,

Clifford--what is his folly? What is the particular guilt and shame

into which he has fallen?"

I knew not that I had spoken until I heard these words. The

agitation of the father was greatly increased. Truly, his sorrows

were sad to look upon. I answered him:-"I simply echoed your words, sir--I am ignorant, as I said before;

and, indeed, I may venture, I think, with perfect safety, to assure

you that gaming and drink have nothing to do with his appearance

and deportment. I should rather suspect him of some improper--SOME

GUILTY CONNECTION--"

I felt that, in the utterance of these words, I too had become

excited. My voice did not rise, but I knew that it had acquired

an intenseness which I as quickly endeavored to suppress. But the

father had already beheld the expression in my face, and perhaps

the sudden change in my tones grated harshly upon his ear. I could

see that his looks became more eager and inquiring. I could note

a greater degree of apprehension and anxiety in his eyes. I subdued

myself, though not without some effort.

"William Edgerton may be erring, sir--that I do not deny, for I have

seen too little of him of late to say anything of his proceedings;

but I am very confident when I say that excess in liquor can not

be a vice of his; and as for gaming, I should fancy that he was the

last person in the world likely to be tempted to the indulgence of

such a practice."

The father shook his head mournfully.

"Why this shame?--this fear? Besides, Clifford, what we know of

our son makes us equally sure that women have nothing to do with

his excesses. But these conjectures help us nothing. Clifford, I

must look to you."