Confession - Page 267/274

"It was not long after our marriage before the attentions of Mr.

Edgerton became so particular as to annoy me; and I consulted my

mother on the subject, but she assured me that such were customary,

and so long as you were satisfied I had no reason to be otherwise.

I was not quite content with this assurance, but did not know what

other course to take, and there was nothing in the conduct of Mr.

Edgerton so very marked and offensive as to justify me in making

any communication to you. What offended me in his bearing was his

fixed and continued watchfulness--the great earnestness of his

looks--the subdued tones of his voice when he spoke to me, almost

falling to a whisper, and the unusual style of his language, which

seemed to address itself to such feelings only as do not belong to

the common topics of discourse. The frequency of his visits to the

studio afforded him opportunities for indulging in these practices;

and your strange indifference to his approaches, and your equally

strange and most unkind abandonment of my society for that of

others, increased these opportunities, of which he scrupled not to

take constant advantage. I soon perceived that he sought the house

only at the periods when you were absent. He seemed always to know

when this was the case; and I noted the fact, particularly, that,

if, on such occasions, you happened to arrive unexpectedly he never

remained long afterward, but took his departure with an abruptness

that, it seemed wonderful to me you should not have perceived.

Conduct so strange as this annoyed rather than alarmed me; and it

made me feel wretched, perhaps beyond any necessity for it, when

I found myself delivered up, as it were, to such persecution, by

the very person whose duty it was to preserve me, and whose own

presence, which would have been an effectual protection, was so dear

to me always. Do not suppose, dear Edward, that I mean to reproach

you. I do not know what may have been your duties abroad, and the

trials which drew you so much from home, and from the eyes of a

wife who knows no dearer object of contemplation than the form of

her husband. Men in business, I know, have a thousand troubles out

of doors, which a generous sensibility makes them studious never

to bring home with them; and, knowing this, I determined to think

lovingly of you always--to believe anything rather than that

you would willingly neglect me;--and, by the careful exercise of

my thoughts and affections, as they should properly be exercised,

so to protect my own dignity and your honor, as to spare you any

trouble or risk in asserting them, and, at the same time, to save

both from reproach.