* * * * *
"To Sir Nicholas Thormonde, Bart, V.C.," (it began, and then) "Dear Sir: Circumstances force me to work--so I shall have to remain in your
service--if you require me. I am unfortunately quite defenceless, so I
appeal to whatever chivalry there is in you not to make it so impossible
that I must again give in my resignation.
Yours faithfully,
A. Sharp."
* * * * *
I fell back in my chair in an agony of emotion--My darling! My
queen!--whose very footprints I worship--to have had to write such a
letter--to me!
The unspeakable brute beast I felt! All my cynical calculations about
women fell from me--I saw myself as I had been all day--utterly
selfish--not really feeling for her grief, only making capital out of it
for my own benefit--. At that moment, and for the rest of the day and
night, I suffered every shade of self reproach and abasement a man can
feel. And next day I had to stay in bed because I had done some stupid
thing to my leg in lying down without help.
When I knew I could not get into Paris by Saturday when Alathea was to
come to the flat--I sent Burton in with a note to the shop in the Avenue
Mosart.
"Dear Miss Sharp--(I wrote) "I am deeply grateful for your magnanimity. I am utterly ashamed of my
weakness--and you will not have called upon my chivalry in vain, I
promise you.--I have to stay in bed, so I cannot be at the flat, and if
you receive this in time I shall be obliged if you will come out here
again on Saturday.
Yours very truly,
Nicholas Thormonde."
Then I never slept all night with thoughts of longing and wondering if
she would get it soon enough to come.
Over and over in my vision I saw the picture of her sitting there in
Burton's room sobbing--My action was the last straw--My shameful
action!--Burton showed the good taste and the sympathy and understanding
for her which I should have done--. And to think that she is troubled
about money, so that she had to take a loan from my dear old
servitor--far greater gentleman than I am--. And that I cannot be the
least use to her--and may not help her in any way! I can go on no longer
in this anguish--as soon as I feel that peace is in the smallest measure
restored between us--I will ask her to marry me, just so that I can give
her everything. I shall tell her that I expect nothing from her--only
the right to help her family and give her prosperity and peace--.