PICKERING. I think you ought to know, Doolittle, that Mr. Higgins's
intentions are entirely honorable.
DOOLITTLE. Course they are, Governor. If I thought they wasn't, I'd ask
fifty.
HIGGINS [revolted] Do you mean to say, you callous rascal, that you
would sell your daughter for 50 pounds?
DOOLITTLE. Not in a general way I wouldn't; but to oblige a gentleman
like you I'd do a good deal, I do assure you.
PICKERING. Have you no morals, man?
DOOLITTLE [unabashed] Can't afford them, Governor. Neither could you if
you was as poor as me. Not that I mean any harm, you know. But if Liza
is going to have a bit out of this, why not me too?
HIGGINS [troubled] I don't know what to do, Pickering. There can be no
question that as a matter of morals it's a positive crime to give this
chap a farthing. And yet I feel a sort of rough justice in his claim.
DOOLITTLE. That's it, Governor. That's all I say. A father's heart, as
it were.
PICKERING. Well, I know the feeling; but really it seems hardly right--
DOOLITTLE. Don't say that, Governor. Don't look at it that way. What am
I, Governors both? I ask you, what am I? I'm one of the undeserving
poor: that's what I am. Think of what that means to a man. It means
that he's up agen middle class morality all the time. If there's
anything going, and I put in for a bit of it, it's always the same
story: "You're undeserving; so you can't have it." But my needs is as
great as the most deserving widow's that ever got money out of six
different charities in one week for the death of the same husband. I
don't need less than a deserving man: I need more. I don't eat less
hearty than him; and I drink a lot more. I want a bit of amusement,
cause I'm a thinking man. I want cheerfulness and a song and a band
when I feel low. Well, they charge me just the same for everything as
they charge the deserving. What is middle class morality? Just an
excuse for never giving me anything. Therefore, I ask you, as two
gentlemen, not to play that game on me. I'm playing straight with you.
I ain't pretending to be deserving. I'm undeserving; and I mean to go
on being undeserving. I like it; and that's the truth. Will you take
advantage of a man's nature to do him out of the price of his own
daughter what he's brought up and fed and clothed by the sweat of his
brow until she's growed big enough to be interesting to you two
gentlemen? Is five pounds unreasonable? I put it to you; and I leave it
to you.