Middlemarch - Page 442/561

When Fred made the necessary disclosure to his parents, the relative

effect on the two was a surprise which entered very deeply into his

memory. He went straight from Mr. Garth's office to the warehouse,

rightly feeling that the most respectful way in which he could behave

to his father was to make the painful communication as gravely and

formally as possible. Moreover, the decision would be more certainly

understood to be final, if the interview took place in his father's

gravest hours, which were always those spent in his private room at the

warehouse.

Fred entered on the subject directly, and declared briefly what he had

done and was resolved to do, expressing at the end his regret that he

should be the cause of disappointment to his father, and taking the

blame on his own deficiencies. The regret was genuine, and inspired

Fred with strong, simple words.

Mr. Vincy listened in profound surprise without uttering even an

exclamation, a silence which in his impatient temperament was a sign of

unusual emotion. He had not been in good spirits about trade that

morning, and the slight bitterness in his lips grew intense as he

listened. When Fred had ended, there was a pause of nearly a minute,

during which Mr. Vincy replaced a book in his desk and turned the key

emphatically. Then he looked at his son steadily, and said--

"So you've made up your mind at last, sir?"

"Yes, father."

"Very well; stick to it. I've no more to say. You've thrown away your

education, and gone down a step in life, when I had given you the means

of rising, that's all."

"I am very sorry that we differ, father. I think I can be quite as

much of a gentleman at the work I have undertaken, as if I had been a

curate. But I am grateful to you for wishing to do the best for me."

"Very well; I have no more to say. I wash my hands of you. I only

hope, when you have a son of your own he will make a better return for

the pains you spend on him."

This was very cutting to Fred. His father was using that unfair

advantage possessed by us all when we are in a pathetic situation and

see our own past as if it were simply part of the pathos. In reality,

Mr. Vincy's wishes about his son had had a great deal of pride,

inconsiderateness, and egoistic folly in them. But still the

disappointed father held a strong lever; and Fred felt as if he were

being banished with a malediction.