"I don't want to be special to you! I don't deserve it. Stop talking that way! I told you, I don't even like you!"
"It doesn't matter what you say. It won't change how I feel about you."
"I won't love you; ever! You don't even know me."
"I want to know you, and I'll love you like your own mother."
"I don't have a mother. She's dead and buried. You're not my mother. You never will be!"
"I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have said that. No one can replace your mother."
"I don't want to talk about her. She's gone."
"I lost a parent too. My father died while I was still in school. I was a little older . . ."
She cut me off. "Whatever."
We left the coffee shop and returned to the park. We were both silent until we wandered over to watch the ducks.
I looked at her but she wouldn't return my gaze. "I want you to marry him. There, I said it. Is that okay? I really do. Okay?"
Could I believe her? I wanted to in the worse way. Perhaps this was the best I could hope for. I wanted so much for it to work. It was so difficult to read this girl who seldom said what she meant, lied so easily while her eyes displayed so much more. I knew in my heart Paul and I needed each other, but this troubled girl with her pendulum mood swings had needs as well. I took a deep breath and tried to blink back my tears. "You don't have to bawl about it." Karen said. "All you do is bawl and swear."
She let me hug her although I could feel tension in her frail body. I took her hand as we walked toward the Swan Boats, or more honestly, I held her hand so tightly she couldn't release it.
"Well, is that enough? Are you going to do it?" She caught herself and looked embarrassed. "I mean get married."
"I'm still not sure but I feel better about my prospects."
I sensed disappointment mixed with exasperation. She was certain I'd decided to marry her father. "So if you do marry him, when would it happen?"
"Soon, if I decide to go ahead. There's no need to wait."
"I guess you'll move into our house. Are you going to live with him before you get married?"
"No!"
"Whatever. He'd buy you a new house if you wanted it."
"Yes. He said so, but he's leaving it up to me. I'm not about to disrupt your life or Timmy's."
"Oh," was all she said.