"And yet my life was so happy! Everything in the world smiled upon me; my
path was strewn with roses; the future spread out before me like a
cloudless sky resplendent with stars. God had not only given me health,
fortune, and peace of heart, but also the hope of uniting my fate with
that of a lovely young girl. Mary Van de Werve! the incarnation of all
that men admire and heaven loves: virtue, piety, modesty, charity, beauty,
love! Alas! alas! must I leave all that? Must I say a last adieu, renounce
my hopes, and never see her again? Die and sleep forever in an unknown
tomb, while she lives!"
A cry of anguish escaped him. But it was caused rather by his train of
thought than by the adieu he had just spoken, for he added, in a suppliant
voice: "Pardon, O Lord, pardon! Thy creature clings to life; but be not angry
with the weakness of my nature. Should I die by the terrible death of
starvation, I humbly accept Thy holy will, and I bless Thy hand which
deals the blow! God of mercy, grant that I may find grace with Thee!"
Calmed by this invocation, he resumed, with less emotion and in a tone
which proved that his soul had received consolation: "And if I be permitted in my last hour to offer to Thee my supplications,
I pray Thee, O God of mercy, to spare my uncle, and let not my misfortune
deprive him also of life. He was my father and benefactor; he taught me to
live in the fear of Thy holy name. By the cruel sufferings which I endure,
by my terrible death, have pity on him! Let Thy angels also guard and
protect the pious and pure young girl who is before Thee as an immaculate
dove! Jesus, Saviour of mankind, on the cross you prayed to your heavenly
Father for those who crucified Thee. Demand not an account of my blood
from my enemy. Pardon him, lead him back to the path of virtue, and after
death grant him eternal rest! My strength fails; the sweat of death is on
my brow. O my God! in this, my last hour, grant me the grace to die with
Thy love alone in my heart, and Thy holy name alone upon my lips!"
The last words of this prayer had scarcely fallen from his lips, when he
cried aloud, arose trembling, and eagerly fixed his eyes upon the opposite
wall, upon which a faint streak of light flickered.
"O my God! what means this?" he exclaimed. "Light? light? a voice? Is some
one coming? Is there still hope? I shall not die! Cruel dream! Frightful
illusion! But no, it is indeed a light; it becomes brighter. I hear a
human voice. Alas! this suspense is worse than death!"