“I don’t think it matters what I want with Ember,” I complain.
“And that would be why?”
“Because I fucked up when I thought I was doing the right thing. I fucked up even more a while ago without even realizing it, and I’m not sure which one was worse, but I’m pretty sure them both together means my wants pertaining to Ember mean jack shit.”
“Tell me,” he says with seriousness. “When you fucked up the first time, did you do it to protect her or because you would rather be a little punk?”
“Nice,” I grunt, finishing my second banana. “I pushed her away because not only was she way too fucking young, but also because I wasn’t ready to see what was right in front of my face.”
“And now?”
“And now, I’m not just ready to see it, I want it more than I want my next fucking breath.”
“Well, son, if you ask me, I think you have everything you need to know right there. We’re men, we’re going to fuck up, but the beauty of finding that one woman meant for you is that no matter how much you fuck up, she will always be there to help make it right. So it’s up to you to do what you can in order to right the wrong turns you made and then spend the rest of your days doing everything in your power to only make right turns.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
He laughs some more. Fucking asshole. “Let me make it simple for you. Find out what you want from Ember. Look in your future, picture her completely out of it, and ask yourself if you can live with that. If not, work your ass off to prove to her that no matter how badly you fucked up, you’ll do anything to make it up to her.”
“Easier said than done.”
“It’s pretty fucking easy when all a good woman ever really wants is the unconditional love of her man.”
I stare blindly out my front window, looking into the woods that surround my property while rolling his words around in my head. “Her dad is going to kill me.”
“Nah, he knows that would hurt his girl too much. He’ll make sure he doesn’t leave any marks that can’t be covered up.”
“Not helping,” I grind out through clenched teeth.
“Learned my lessons a long time ago, Nate. Lessons that hurt with so much vicious pain that sometimes I still feel the tug of them. But one thing I will never take for granted is that love, true love, is always worth fighting for even if you’re fighting the one person who holds the key to taking all that pain away because, in the end, love conquers all, Nate.”
“No one said anything about love, old man,” I respond without conviction because it would just be a lie. I’ve loved that girl since I lied to her face and broke her heart.
“You didn’t have to,” he softly says. “I’m here if you need me, son. It won’t be easy, but don’t give up until you’ve won.”
“Never,” I say, this time having no trouble with the conviction in my tone.
I hear the call disconnect and I drop my phone down before collapsing on the couch with a deep sigh. With one more sad look toward my crotch and tented sweats, I start to plan.
MADDI HASN’T STOPPED SMILING AT me since she called my mom and asked her to come to my house and bring lunch for us. Nikki, sensing this moment should be between a mom and her daughters, left shortly after that call.
While waiting for her to show up, I busy myself in the bathroom to brush my teeth again and go about freshening up in the attempt to feel just a little more human before I bared my soul for not just my sister, but my mother as well.
Hell, it could be worse … it could be my father too.