It was also through those meetings that he made it clear, sometimes with and sometimes without words that a huge part of him fell in love with me because of my strength. I didn’t understand it, because I’ve felt nothing but weakness, but Lee told me, in those meetings, that only a person with a strength of an army would keep fighting to live. I couldn’t see it, living in pain, but he’s right—something I can see now—I’ve been fighting my whole life. Losing Jack was a hard blow and even though it took me a long time to battle the depression his death set upon me, I never gave up.
Another milestone that we made as our new threesome, was Lee’s relationship with Molly. I haven’t been shocked that she fell into her love for him easily, that’s just who Molly is. She doesn’t doubt her feelings.
Needless to say, they have been inseparable. Regardless of if we’re at our house, his, or out, my daughter is always as close as she can get to him. Lee and I talked about it and we both agree that it is just the way Molly is. She wants him to know how much he means to her, but because she’s so young she doesn’t know how to verbalize it, instead she gives him what she can. Herself.
Seeing them together was a big part in my healing. Seeing that she loves him as much as I do, gives me the reassurance that we’re where we’re meant to be.
Lee showed me again how big his heart was when he fell into his new role as a father figure with effortless ease. His protective nature only adding to the power in which his bond formed with her. You can tell, there is nothing but love that he feels for his girls.
And that’s what we’ve become—gladly—to him. We’re his girls and he . . . he is our man.
Today is my last step in letting go. One that I’ve been putting off, but now I know needs to happen for us all to move on completely pain free. I don’t think I was putting it off because I wasn’t ready, but more that I didn’t know how to do it or what to say.
How do you tell your dead husband that you’ve moved on?
I look up and see Lee walking with Molly as I trail behind them. When we got to the graveyard he had asked for me to give him a second and then took off in the direction I had told him when he asked where Jack was. When he reached his hand out for Molly’s my reaction couldn’t be stopped. I gasped, but Lee being his confident self, just gave me soft eyes.
Which leads me to now, as I watch them strolling through the headstones hand in hand. I move to a bench about ten paces from Jack’s spot and wait. I used to only come every month, sometimes when the pain was too much, I wouldn’t come until it eased up a little. Now, for the last year, I’ve been coming with Molly every two weeks. This, however, is the first time we’ve asked Lee to come.
Lee stops and I see him reading over the headstone, then he kneels and pulls Molly closer. Her little arms hug his back and her head turns to rest against his shoulder.
When his lips start moving, facing Jack, my heart speeds up and deep down I know he isn’t talking to Molly. She doesn’t move, but her arm pulls his shirt as her fist grabs hold of the material.
Call it an invasion of his privacy, whatever you want, but nothing in that moment could have kept me from walking over. My eyes don’t leave where they’re at, his head turns but his words don’t stop and he turns back, acknowledging that I’m coming regardless, but he doesn’t stop.
Then his words hit my ears.
And if I had any fears left in my body about this new path for Molly and me, they vanished in a heartbeat.
“Like I said, you don’t know me, but I like to think we would have gotten along. Hell, we might have played golf on my off days, had beers while watching the game, who knows. I hate thinking it, because it isn’t fair that you lost your way, but when you did, it made it possible for me to find mine. It gave me my girls and I wouldn’t be the man I am right now without their love. Rest easy knowing that not a day will pass that I won’t make sure they know how grateful I am that I’ve been given that gift. Not a day will pass that I don’t show them how much I love them in return. I’ll fight to keep them safe. I would give my own life to make that promise a reality if need be. And one day, if Molly decides it so, I hope to share the title you had while in her world, but if that day never comes, I’ll still love her as if she was my own. I owe you my thanks and so much more for loving Megan and bringing her everything she needed while you were here. You have no worries now, brother, knowing that I’ll do everything in my power to give them the world. They’ve both given me everything I’ve dreamt of just by handing over their love and I’ll never take that for granted.”