“It could be worse,” he said.
“How?”
“We could be fighting him and your aunt.”
My memory served up Erra dying on the snow.
“She talked to me before she died.”
“What did she say?”
“She said, ‘Live long, child. Live long enough to see everyone you love die. Suffer the way I did.’”
In that moment on the snow, exhausted and bleeding, all I cared about was killing her and making sure Curran and I survived. Now I finally got it.
“She didn’t want to go through all this again.” I glanced at the woods in front of us. “The land, my father’s mind games, killing people . . . I think she decided she was done and the only way it would be over was if she died or he did. She let me kill her.”
And I was a lot like my aunt. More than I cared to admit. Neither of us was well suited for diplomacy. The only reason I had lasted this long was because both Curran and Barabas pulled me back from the edge whenever I tried to charge it. My father had to have realized that left to my own devices, I’d snap and attack him.
“Your aunt fought plenty,” Curran said. “Besides, Roland was the one who told you that. I don’t trust his bullshit.”
“Well, it bit him in the ass. I told him that even his own sister didn’t want to live in the world he made.”
Curran laughed.
“What?”
“You always know how to get under someone’s skin.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s your superpower. Trust me, I know.”
He looked at me and laughed harder.
“What?”
“I love when you bare your teeth at me. All the shapeshifter living has been rubbing off on you. You’d make such a cute shapeshifter.”
“I will fucking throw you off this tower.”
“You and what army?” He spread his arms. “Give it all you’ve got, baby.”
I thought about it and shook my head.
The smile vanished from his face. “Okay, now I am worried.”
Live long enough to see everyone you love die.
She must’ve loved someone. She must’ve mourned him. She talked about her sons and having to kill them when they turned into homicidal psychopaths . . .
It hit me like a freight train. Wow.
This was a very stupid idea. An idiotic, stupid, suicidal idea.
Find a Rubicon to cross. I’ll show you a Rubicon. This wasn’t just crossing it, this was setting it on fire and blowing it up.
“Do you remember when we went to the Black Sea and you pretended to be infatuated with Lorelei?”
“Not that again.” His face shut down.
“I’m going to do something very dangerous and stupid. I’ve done some idiotic things in my life, but this takes the cake.”
“Tell me.”
“No.”
Gold rolled over his eyes. “What do you mean, no?”
“If I tell you, you will stop me from doing it.”
“Now you have to tell me.”
I shook my head. “I’m calling in the Lorelei favor. You have to let me run with this.”
“Kate!”
“No.” He would blow a gasket. If someone had told me my brilliant idea an hour ago, I’d have laughed and then bashed their face in.
“Tell me.”
He was a cat and a control freak. It was killing him not to know.
“No. But I wanted to be up front and tell you that I have a plan and I’m going to have to leave the city for a few days.” If I just disappeared, he would freak out and tear Atlanta apart to find me.
The beginning of a snarl rumbled in his throat. “You will tell me.”
“Curran, please don’t fight with me. Please. I’m at the end of my rope and I just saw the light at the end of the tunnel.”
He snarled, frustration exploding out of him. “Fine. Am I allowed to help with your crazy scheme?”
“Can you rescue Saiman?”
“If I rescue Saiman, will you tell me?”
“If you rescue Saiman and things work out, it will all be in the open by the time I come back.”
He circled me, stalking. “Or you could tell me now.”
“My father thinks he has it all figured out. He’s pushed us into a corner. He thinks we’re trapped. But he doesn’t get to win, Curran. He doesn’t get to win. He won’t destroy Baby B’s world, he won’t get to ruin our marriage, and he won’t . . .”—get his hands on our son—“. . . he won’t win. I won’t let him.”
“That’s better,” he said, and his smile had a vicious edge to it. “That’s my Kate.”
He closed the distance between us fast and kissed me.
“I love you,” I told him.
“I will bring you Saiman,” he said. “I promise you, he’ll be alive. And then you will tell me everything.”
“Yes,” I promised. “I will.”
Chapter 5
WE WENT DOWNSTAIRS and split up. Curran went to catch up with old friends, while I went to the guard station and asked to use their phone. They let me into an empty conference room and closed the door.
I dialed Sienna’s number. She picked up on the first ring.
“Yes?”
“Look into my future.”
Silence.
Sienna’s ragged whisper filled the phone, distant. I couldn’t make it out.