When You Were Young - Page 106/259

"Hi," Veronica says, her voice deep like a dog's growl.

Jackie eases onto the chair next to Veronica, making sure no one pulls it away this time. Jackie's bottom spills over the chair to rub against Veronica's skirt. Veronica doesn't seem to notice this and it's only halfway through Mrs. West's lecture on squares, triangles, and rectangles that Jackie realizes Veronica's clothes are about three sizes too big. She wonders if there's a girl in the clothes at all or if she's like the puppets Daddy took her to see on her fourth birthday.

After Mrs. West talks about shapes, she reads them a story about a little blonde girl and three bears. Jackie, thinking of the blonde girl who pulled Jackie's chair away, doesn't listen to the story. She keeps glancing over at Veronica, trying to catch a glimpse of her face beneath all that hair.

When the story is finished, Mrs. West passes out milk and chocolate chip cookies. Veronica pushes back her hair enough for Jackie to see she has dark rings around her eyes like a raccoon. "What's wrong with your eyes?" Jackie asks.

"I fell down," Veronica says. She turns away to face the corner. Jackie sees the outline of shoulder bones against Veronica's jumper. She imagines lifting up the jumper to see nothing but bones. She looks down at her stomach pushing against the fabric and spilling onto the table and then at the cookies and milk. I am fat, she thinks.

"Would you like my snack? I'm not hungry."

Veronica turns around enough to eye the milk and cookies. Like an animal sensing a trap she reaches out slowly and then snatches the items away. Jackie's stomach growls in protest, but she doesn't care.

After Veronica finishes, she turns around, veil of hair back in place. "Thank you," she mumbles.

Mrs. West proceeds to teach them all about the letter 'A' and the many words starting with it: apple, angel, alligator, and so forth. Kindergarten is a lot harder than nursery school, Jackie thinks. She doesn't know how she'll survive.

To reinforce the lecture, Mrs. West passes around paper and crayons, instructing the girls to draw something that begins with an 'A.' Jackie takes a burnt sienna crayon and begins to draw Mommy. She gives Mommy big white wings like the angels she remembers from Sunday school and a yellow halo over her head. She can't wait to show her pretty picture to Mommy later.

"That's very nice, Jacqueline," Mrs. West says. "And-oh my! Veronica, what's the meaning of this?"

Veronica has taken a black crayon and darkened the entire page. "I don't know," Veronica says.