“I want you.”
He groaned into my neck and nipped my collarbone, “I don't have any condoms here Princess.”
“I don't care.”
“Don't say stuff like that,” He huffed a laugh, “I'm only so strong.”
I reached for the button on his pants and struggled to get it undone, “Please Chase, I don't want to wait any longer.” I whimpered when he stopped my hands. “I want you to be my first.”
He sat back and searched my face, “I can't.”
“You don't want me?” My eyes widened and my heart sunk. I hadn't been expecting this.
“Of course I do!”
“I don't – I don't understand.”
His face was completely unreadable as he just stared at me.
“It's because I'm a virgin.” It was a statement, of course he didn't want to be with me, he'd always made fun of me for it.
“Not in the way you're thinking. Trust me, I want to make you mine.”
I cupped his face in my hands, “Then please.” I whispered
“Princess,” his voice sounded pained, “you can’t want it to be me. With what I’ve done…I don’t deserve to be given something like that.”
“It’s yours. I’m tired of ignoring what I feel for you and denying myself of what I want.”
I watched as his chest rose and fell again and again, when I looked back up into his eyes minutes later, he finally spoke, “You’re sure Harper?”
“I want you. All of you.”
The sense of urgency was now gone, and we took our time getting to know each other intimately. Each kiss and touch was filled with so much passion, I didn't know how anything could ever be better than this moment in bed with him. When our bodies finally joined, I cried out in pleasured pain as Chase continued to slowly, and lovingly, make me his. I now understood why I'd never been ready with Brandon, I was always meant to do this with Chase. After we were done, we fell asleep wrapped up in each other’s arms.
I woke up with my head tucked into his neck and was already smiling widely, Chase loves me. Brandon's face flashed through my mind and I quickly pushed it back, I knew I would have to deal with this mess I've made, but I didn't want to think about it right now. I planted a light kiss to his throat and wiggled back some so I could look at his body and trace the tattoos I've wanted to inspect since the first night I met him. I was surprised that on his chest and the one arm I could see, he didn't have a ton of them. He had a half sleeve on the arm I was admiring, his other was now a full, but each tattoo was large enough that I could only count six separate ones. I bit back a laugh as I thought about the one that was just above where the top of his jeans sat. It said 'I'm Ron Burgundy?' Apparently he'd lost a bet while watching the movie, and that was the result. I was tracing more tattoos on his shoulder when his husky voice caught me.
“Feels good.” His voice was still thick with sleep.
I grinned at him and resumed my tracing, “I've wanted to do this since that first night in your bed.”
“Why didn't you?”
“Well you were a little intimidating, and plus you not so subtly let me know I wasn't the kind of girl you would ever be with.”
He jerked back to look at my face, “What did I say?”
“I don't remember exactly, you were just freaking out because you thought you'd let a girl stay over, and proceeded to tell me you didn't let girls you would screw stay with you.” I bit my lip and met his stare, “Speaking of...is it okay that I'm here?”
His face melted into a warm smile and those ocean blue eyes sparkled, “I've never been happier than when I just woke up with you in my arms.” He slowly kissed my forehead, nose, both cheeks and finally my lips. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever fallen asleep with, and I want to keep it that way. You're not just some girl. I'm in love with you Harper, I wouldn't want you anywhere else.”
I reached up to kiss him back, and tried to show him just how much I loved him too. I moved my mouth against his aggressively and pushed his shoulder back to the bed so I could climb on top of him, the delicious achiness in my body was fueling my desire to have him again. He gripped my hips and pressed his naked body against mine while alternating between bites and kisses down my neck. I arched my body into him and the mother of all stomach growls ripped through the quiet bedroom, I burst into laughter and sagged onto his chest.
“Is there any way you didn't hear that?”
His body was still shaking from laughter, “Not a chance.” He kissed me soundly once and moved me off him. “I'll go make breakfast, I'll be right back.”
“Okay, I'll come help.” I started to sit up but he pushed me back into the pillows.
“Let me do this for you Princess.” He rained light kisses on my jaw and sat back. “Stay here,” He added severely, “I want to see you just like this when I get back.”
I mock saluted him and curled into the comforter, my breath caught when he climbed out of bed.
“What's wrong?”
“Chase...you're beautiful.”
His smile was breathtaking as he climbed back over me, “Beautiful, huh? Trying to take away my masculinity baby?” I knew he was teasing, but I played along trying to get a couple of words in between kisses.
“So sorry. I meant. Rugged. And handsome. And so. So sexy.”
He laughed into my cheek and left the bed to throw on nothing but his jeans. God that didn't help much either, they rode low on his hips accentuating his muscled V and that ridiculous Anchorman quote. I took a mental picture of him and knew I would never forget Chase as he looked right now. A few minutes later, Chase walked in and I caught a whiff of bacon causing my stomach to grumble some more.
“You might want to answer that when he calls again.” He dropped my phone next to me and with a sad smile walked back out the door.
I looked down to my phone and saw the twelve missed calls from this morning alone, six from last night and eighteen texts from Brandon and Bree. After reading through them and listening to the voicemails, I took a deep breath and collapsed into the pillows. I hadn't told Brandon I wasn't going to LA, and after Bree dramatized my being sick and alone, and not answering the phone all night or morning, they had really started to freak out. I sent the same text to both of them letting them know I was fine, I'd fallen asleep early last night and left my phone in the other room. I loved them and would talk to them later after a shower and another nap. I know I was being a coward, but I didn't know what I would say to Brandon yet. My stomach fell when I got a response.
Brandon - 'You scared me Harper, Bree thought something bad had happened. I caught an earlier flight, I just boarded. I love you so much, I'll be back to take care of you soon.'
I wasn't ready for my time with Chase to be over and I had no idea what I was going to do about the two men that had my heart. Pulling the covers over my head, I resisted the urge to cry. There was no right way to go about this, and no matter what I did, I would hurt someone and lose a part of myself. Chase didn't say anything for a while after he came back with an omelet and bacon, we just sat there eating. Well, he ate. I'd had the same piece of bacon in my hand since he got back in bed.
“Baby, please say something.” He pleaded as he rubbed soothing circles into my back.
“Brandon will be back in a couple hours.” I finally spoke.
He hissed a curse through his teeth and sagged into the headboard with a thud. “I thought he wouldn't be back ‘til tomorrow night.”
“He got scared when I didn't answer the phone. Bree told him I was sick and alone, and since no one could get a hold of me…”
“Bree called me a few times, begging me to come check on you. Looks like they're all heading home today too.”
“Chase, what should I do?” I began to search his face for answers, but he looked so pained I had to stare at my hands instead.
“I can't answer that for you Princess. No one can.” After a few minutes of intense silence he continued hesitantly, “Who do you want?”
“I don't know!” I blurted out quickly, “I want you Chase, but I can't hurt him. I won’t hurt him anymore than I have. I love him too much.”
He flinched away like I'd slapped him.
“No matter who I choose, people will get hurt. And then what happens if I leave him? He lives in your house Chase. He'll have to see us together, it will kill him, I can't do that to him! He loves me, he hopped the first flight he could because he was scared for me and wants to come back to take care of me. How am I supposed to tell him I'm in love with someone else after that?” I took three deep breaths in and out in an attempt to calm my shaking, “If I left him for you, it would be bad for us. He'd come after you, the guys in the house would take sides. We would be miserable. My body craves you Chase, but I feel like I'm being torn in two. I just – I need a few weeks to think about this. Can you please give me that?”
His jaw was clenched so tightly I thought it might break, “Are you going to ask him to give you time too?”
“No, I can't.”
Chase's eyes turned to ice and his mouth popped open, “So you're just going to go back to him? Pretend like last night never happened? You're so worried about hurting everyone else, do you even realize you'll be hurting me?” He shot up off the bed and started pacing back and forth, “Damn it Harper, don't you see that? I'm the one that will have to watch you with your boyfriend while waiting for you to figure out what you want!”
I flinched when the bedroom door slammed shut behind him. He was right, and I didn't want to hurt him either, but I didn't know what else to do at the moment. I was more in love with Chase than I'd realized, but I couldn't live without Brandon. If I thought I'd hated myself for kissing Chase, I now felt like I was dying thinking about how I'd just betrayed the man I love more than my own life. Even if I thought it was too soon, I'd overheard him talking to his mom telling her he thought I was “the one”, and I couldn't help but smile at thoughts of our future together. I briefly considered a future with Chase, it didn't go far. There's no way Chase felt the same way I did for him. I'm not saying he doesn't love me, but it can't mean the same as it does for me. If I were to choose him, would he go back to being hot and cold once I did, and would he want to be with me for any length of time? As much as I wanted to believe everything he said to me last night, deep down I was terrified he'd up and leave me like he has every other girl. Brandon wouldn't do that, and he's never once treated me badly. His nearly shaved head, chiseled face and tall beefy body may make him appear dangerous, but that boy adored me and would do anything for me. My mind was made up, Brandon is who I would choose when this day ended, in my heart I knew he was who I couldn't live without. But after what happened last night, I'm afraid I'll never be able to give him my entire heart like he deserves.