If Not for You - Page 32/71

Beth smiled. It’d been far too long since she’d had good Mexican food.

“I’ll be by to collect you around five-thirty.”

“Perfect.”

Her aunt left soon afterward. Beth was impatient for Sam’s call at noon.

“Sunshine is taking me out of the facility tonight,” she blurted out as soon as they connected.

“That’s great, babe.”

“At first I didn’t want to go and I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. I’m dying to get back to normal, to reconnect with my students and back to the classroom. And yet I found myself looking for excuses not to go.”

“Babe, that’s crazy.”

“I know. Then I realized I feel safe here … leaving means getting into a car again. Because the rehab center is next door to the hospital, an aide wheeled me over. I haven’t been in a car since the accident. Then I thought what if I’m in another accident? What if—”

“Beth,” he said, interrupting her. “Stop. It’s only natural to be afraid after everything you’ve been through.”

“I think I should see a shrink.”

“What you’re feeling is only natural. If you need to talk to someone, then talk. Don’t let fear paralyze you.”

“You think I should see a professional about this?”

“Do what you need to do. You can’t stay at the rehab center the rest of your life.”

“I know,” she murmured, but now, when she was days away from leaving, she felt the unnatural fear of going back to her life the way it once was. She’d grown accustomed to the routine of the facility, the orderliness, the structure. Once she walked out those doors, her life would change. That was what she wanted, right? What she’d hungered for.

“You’ve gone quiet again,” Sam said, drawing her attention back to the present. “What’s going through that beautiful head of yours?”

“It’s more than getting in a car, Sam,” she admitted, her voice dropping.

“What’s on your mind, babe?”

“Us,” she whispered. “I’m afraid of what will happen to us once I’m released. It’s all going to change and—”

“I had no idea you were such a worrier,” Sam said, cutting her off. “Nothing will change the way I feel about you, Beth, I can promise you that. Not a single damn thing.”

Relaxing, she leaned back and smiled. “I think you owe Owen a dollar.”

“I’m pretty sure damn is in the Bible,” Sam argued. “You’re missing the point. What we have is real. I’m not letting anything get between us.”

“My mother …”

“We’ve already crossed that bridge and we’re still together,” Sam reminded her.

Her mother had remained suspiciously quiet after her short visit, which wasn’t the least bit reassuring. Beth was convinced Ellie Prudhomme was working behind the scenes and had something drastic planned. She didn’t know what it could be, but like Sam said, she’d cross that bridge when necessary.

“You think I should go with Sunshine?”

“Of course, and be prepared to have a good time. I want you to have fun, to remember what it is like to laugh again.”

“I laugh with you,” she reminded him. It was one of the things she loved about him most. Sam had a quick, easy laugh that made her want to laugh herself whenever she heard it.

“And you’ll laugh with me again.”

Beth felt better after talking to Sam. Nothing he said was profound, but he made sense. It wasn’t like she could avoid riding in a car the rest of her life, or driving one, for that matter. Sooner or later she would need to face that demon and swallow down her fears. Funny how once she admitted to one fear, two or three others immediately leaped into the fray. They were like balls bobbing to the surface of her consciousness, shooting up so fast they zoomed into the air before she could beat them down.

Stiffening her resolve, she said, “I’ll go and I’ll have a wonderful time.”

“That’s my girl.”

She smiled, happy to be considered his girl.

Chapter 17

Beth

Just as she’d promised, Sunshine showed up at five-thirty to collect Beth. She was dressed and ready, both physically and emotionally prepared to face this fire-breathing dragon. To her surprise, once they were on the road, she didn’t experience any more than a slight twinge of panic. It was going to be okay. She was going to be okay. The realization reassured her.

Sunshine drove them to an upscale Mexican restaurant, and as promised, she ordered fish tacos and tequila.

“These are the best fish tacos I’ve had in years,” her aunt told her, closing her eyes as she savored her first bite of her soft-shell taco. “There was this hole-in-the-wall place in Chicago I loved years ago that served the most wonderful food.” As though transfixed, she released a sigh of absolute pleasure. “The food was authentic and cheap. I was a starving art student at the time. Peter was as poor as I was, and yet we scraped together enough to eat out every Friday night. For six dollars we could share an order of spicy fish tacos and a bean tostada. Can you imagine, for six dollars?”

“Peter?” Beth asked. “I don’t remember you ever mentioning him. Was he another of your artist friends?”

As if caught up in her memories, Sunshine stared back at her and a strange look came over her. “Yes,” she answered finally, a smile frozen in place.

Beth set her taco aside. Her aunt often spoke of the men in her life, the ones she had loved and lost, the adventures they’d shared, the sweet sorrows of letting them go. As far as Beth could see, there’d never been anyone her aunt had loved heart and soul.

“Tell me about him,” she urged.

Seemingly lost in thought, her aunt reached for her margarita. “Another time,” she said after a long pause.

In that moment, Beth knew this man, Peter, wasn’t a casual flame, but someone important in Sunshine’s past.

“You loved him,” Beth said.

Sunshine grew still and quiet, and the light in her eyes dimmed. “Oh yes, I loved him like I have never loved before or since.”

Suddenly everything became clear to Beth. “He’s the reason you moved out here.” As a child, Beth remembered hearing her mother mention that Sunshine had childishly escaped to the West Coast. The comment had been casual, but the word escape had stuck in Beth’s mind. Right away she wondered what her wonderful, fun-loving aunt was fleeing from. In her childish imagination, Beth had concocted a wild story of dragons chasing after her.

Her aunt attempted a smile but failed. Sadness rimmed her eyes. “Stop me before I get all maudlin. Peter Hamlin is history. We haven’t spoken in over thirty years.”

Peter Hamlin. Beth stored the name in her memory bank, determined to find out what she could about this man her aunt had loved and clearly loved still.

“What would you say if I told you I think I’m falling in love?” Beth ventured.

The change in her aunt was immediate, and her entire face brightened as though grateful for a different topic of discussion. “Sam, no doubt.”

Beth lowered her gaze to her plate and nodded. Her aunt’s laugh caused her to glance up. “You’re amused?”

“Oh yes. I’m dying to hear what your mother had to say about him.”

“Actually, she said very little.”

“Ellie managed to contain her opinion?” Sunshine sounded shocked.

“She did. I expected a full repertoire of questions and concerns before she left. It didn’t happen, so I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Knowing my mother, she’s probably having a full background search done on Sam, going back two or three generations.”

Sunshine laughed. “That sounds like something she’d do.”

“She’s planning something; I know she is.”

“Then be ready for it.”

That was good advice. “I already know she considers Sam all wrong for her precious daughter. The thing with Mom is that she doesn’t see Sam the same way I do. Sadly, she looks at family connections and a bank account more than the content of one’s character.”