But I worried that she was chasing her tail, and all she’d get from her frenzied search for the truth was more disappointment. “You honestly think that modeling scout did something to Julie? Like...she took away her will to live? With, like, a single touch?”
“Yeah.” Jordan fixed me with a bleak, scared look that betrayed her usual calm, cool bitchiness. “That’s exactly what I think she did.”
Then she was gone.
I watched her walk away, part of me wanting to stop her. If I tried, I knew I’d fail. She was bound and determined to play Nancy Drew over this mystery.
If Julie had been kissed by a gray, then I might be able to wrap my head around an outside influence changing her personality. But it wouldn’t have happened that fast.
Jordan had her own path to follow, and nothing I said would have stopped her.
Part of me wanted to worry about her—the other part knew I had enough to deal with without adding this to my list. What I really needed was to find balance in my life again, even if it was only for a few hours of school. Here I was normal. Out there...I wasn’t.
Bishop always talked about balance and how important it was to the universe. Well, the balance of me being a perfect student with me being the daughter of a demon and an angel, as well as a gray with the dark hunger I dealt with daily...
Yeah. I desperately needed to restore my balance. Maybe then I could figure everything else out.
Over the next two hours, the halls slowly began to fill with kids, moving to their lockers, heading for first period. Outside my English class, Kelly caught up with me, grabbing my arm before I went into the room.
“You going to Noah’s party tomorrow night?” she asked, her face flushed. She was rarely early for any class, and I knew she always peeled into the parking lot with literally minutes to spare.
“Oh, right. The Halloween thing at his house?” I asked.
She nodded excitedly. “But it’s not at his house anymore. He’s found an even better place for it. It’s going to be amazing.”
“Sounds...amazing,” I forced out.
“I’ll email you the deets when I get them. There’s literally going to be, like, two hundred people there. I’m going as Aphrodite. Sabrina’s going as a witch, which is so expected, really.” She rolled her eyes, but her smile didn’t fade. “You should be a cat. Like, a sexy cat.”
A sexy cat. Right. Kelly knew me so well. “Great. I’ll, um, think about it. Okay?”
Halloween costumes and parties...not on my priority list this week.
Kelly sped away down the hall toward her Trig class, and I entered my English class. My eyes were drawn immediately to Colin, slouched in his seat behind my desk. I approached cautiously, trying as hard as I could to ignore the hunger that grew with each step. I clutched my books and binder tight to my chest.
He looked upset, pale. I hoped he wasn’t still blaming himself for Julie’s suicide. He’d made some dumb choices, but he hadn’t been the one to push her. She’d jumped of her own free will.
At least, I thought she had. Jordan had other ideas about that.
Jordan was right about one very important thing—there were weird things going on in Trinity right now. That was the reason Bishop and the others had been sent here in the first place. And it only made me more certain that getting him to focus on that instead of me had been the right decision. They didn’t need or want my help—unless I spotted another searchlight. If that happened, I’d let them know immediately. Beyond that? I needed to stay out of their hair.
And that was exactly what I would do. Here in class.
“You okay?” I couldn’t help but ask, glancing over my shoulder at Colin when I sat down.
“Never better,” he replied through clenched teeth.
“Somehow I just don’t believe you.”
His eyes were narrowed, mean. “Oh, Sam. You always could read me like a book. You’re so awesome.”
“Whatever.” I turned back around, my heart sinking. So I guess he’d decided to start hating me again.
It should make me happy that he’d finally learned his lesson. Stay away from Samantha Day. Still, his unexpected sarcasm felt like a slap.
He groaned a few moments later. “I’m sorry. I’m having a lousy day, okay?”
“Yeah, okay. Like I said, whatever.”
I didn’t want him to change his mind. I wanted him to hate me. That would make everything much easier.
Mr. Saunders walked into class right on time and glanced at the thirty students. He pushed his glasses up on his nose. “I finished grading your tests from yesterday. Congrats to those with the highest scores. For the rest of you...well, better luck next time.”
Right. Our test on Catcher in the Rye. Part of me relaxed at hearing he’d been grading. Grades. School. And especially English, my favorite subject. They calmed me. I read everything I could get my hands on—novels, new and old, trashy and high literature. I devoured words like I devoured...
Well, not a good comparison, really.
But I loved to read. I loved how authors put words together on the page to invoke images and feelings. While I hadn’t totally decided what I wanted to major in once I got to university—and I still hadn’t given up hope of this possibility, no matter how bleak things got—I felt strongly that I wanted to be a writer of some kind. I’d always journaled. I’d always written short stories and poems to entertain myself.
They say to do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.