***
I was making my way through the trees to go back to my hut when I ran into Rob and Fohi.
“There you are!” said Fohi. “We’ve been looking all over the place for you.”
“Here I am. I was at the pool, saying goodbye and trying to figure some other stuff out.”
“Other stuff like what?” asked Fohi
“Stuff like how I can get a loom to take with me.”
“A loom?” asked Fohi, his voice cracking. “What do you want a loom for?”
Rob hit him in the arm. “She wants to be able to set up shop at her new place, stupid.”
“Oh, yeah. Hey, that’s a good idea.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Fohi. High praise coming from our demolitions expert.”
Rob laughed, but Fohi smiled, pleased with himself. “Thanks. Yeah, I am good that stuff, aren’t I? Demolitions expert. I like the sound of that.” He was nodding his head, biting his lip, looking off into space.
“Yeah. You’re an expert only because you haven’t managed to blow yourself up yet,” said Rob.
“Shut up, buttmunch,” said Fohi, snapping back to reality. “Stop harshing on my mellow all the time, would ya? Geez, why you always gotta do that?”
“Hey, guys,” I said, interrupting Fohi’s whining. “You were looking for me? I assume to say goodbye, so … thanks. And goodbye.” I put my arms up and stepped towards Rob to give him a hug first. He moved towards me and pulled me into a huge embrace, picking me up off the ground so I was at the level of his shoulder, about a foot and a half higher than I was used to being.
“Oh, wow, that’s a good one,” I said, giggling.
He put me down, but grabbed my arms and held onto them as they were sliding away. “Not so fast, Bryn. Appreciate the hug, but we’re not saying goodbye. We’re going with you. That’s what we came to tell you.”
“What?” I said, his words not computing.
“He said we’re going with you,” said Fohi. “Isn’t that cool? We’re forming a new tribe and you’re the chief … esse. You’re gonna be the chiefesse.”
I laughed, still confused. “You guys want to go with us? Are you serious?”
“Serious as a heart attack,” said Rob, all the laughter gone from his voice. “We want nothing to do with a group of people that do what Kowi and Trip did tonight. That’s the old world. We want a new one. A better one.”
“But I have nothing,” I said, flabbergasted. “I have no food, no weapons, no way to make clothes … you’d be starting from ground zero with me. Canner bait.”
“We don’t care. We know we’ll find all that stuff eventually,” said Fohi. “Besides, who do you think helped get them that stuff in the first place?”
“Other indians?” I said.
“Native Americans!” scolded Fohi and Rob at the same time.
“Oh, crap, sorry.”
“Never mind. Anyway, what Fohi is trying to say is, we’ve got skills. And we want to use them for you … as part of your team. We’re ready to go with you tomorrow.”
I didn’t know what to say. My mouth kept opening, but no sound would come out and no words would form. They were offering up their safety. Their three-meals-a-day security. Their family. All to go be a part of mine. I was humbled to the core and didn’t know how to tell them.
“I can see you’re a little stunned by it, so we’ll just let you chew on that for a while and come get you in the morning, ‘kay?” said Fohi, patting me on the shoulder. “We’ve got some stuff to do tonight, but we’ll be ready.”
Rob reached out and pulled me into another quick hug and then released me. “Chin up, Bryn. Everything’s gonna be okay. I promise.”
“I promise too,” said Fohi, grabbing me in an awkward hug that felt more like a wrestling move. I closed my eyes until it was over, afraid if I looked at Rob or Fohi again, I would cry.
They walked away and I waved feebly, too stunned to act like a proper friend and thank them aloud, and too afraid to argue them into staying. I was going to need all the loyal team members I could get.
***
I got to the hut and found Paci waiting for me, along with my roommates. He held his finger up to his lips at them, in a gesture that seemed to be telling them to be quiet about something, and met me at the entrance.
“Hey,” he said, searching my face.
“Hey,” I responded, feeling totally awkward and weird about him being there, wondering what he’d been talking to my friends about before I arrived. I was hoping he wasn’t still mad at me, and I really didn’t want to say goodbye in front of everyone. I was sure to bawl and get all boogery again. My feelings for Paci were complicated, but at the very least, he’d been one of my most supportive friends - and this world was too small and scary sometimes to not really appreciate that.
“Can I talk to you for a sec … like take a quick walk or something?”“I have to get to bed soon,” I said, eyeing him warily.
“It won’t take long, I promise.”
I shrugged. “Sure.” I looked over at Peter. “Be right back.”
He waved me away, busy with his packing. There were three backpacks sitting on the floor next to him, filled to the brim, packed like my dad had taught me and how I had taught Peter. It made me smile to see my dad’s influence on him like that. It lightened my heavy heart just a touch.
Paci left the hut and I followed behind, not sure where he was taking me. I’d never been the way he was going before, probably because it was a maze of cypress trees that had grown into a web of roots that rose out of the ground several feet, some of them indistinguishable from branches. It wasn’t an easy stroll down a well-worn path by any means.
He stopped at a big group of trees and roots, pointing up to one that looked like a loveseat hanging in the air. “Let’s sit up there.”
I nodded once. It was kind of cool, actually, this natural hangout up in the trees. It reminded me of the treehouse I’d always wanted. Paci led the way to the base of the tree hosting the seat and used well-worn nobs and branch-steps to work his way up. I followed and soon we were both sitting side-by-side on the natural seat, looking out through the trees and down to the ground below.
“Thanks for coming out here with me. I know you have a big day ahead of you.”
“No problem. This is cool.”
An awkward silence fell over us. I busied myself with trying to visually separate the crunchy leaves from the not-so-crunchy ones on the ground, making a plan for a silent disappearance, for no reason other than to avoid thinking about my feelings for Paci which were growing more confusing and stressful by the day, hour, and minute.
“I know I’ve been acting weird around you,” said Paci, “and I’m sorry about that.”
I looked at him, surprised. “You’ve been acting weird? I thought I was the weirdo.”
He smiled. “No. It was me. You’re as cool as you’ve ever been.”
I nudged him with the side of my body. “Thanks. I think you’re lying, but thanks anyway.”
“I like you, Bryn. I mean … I really like you.”
My throat closed up a little bit as my pulse rate doubled and then tripled. My voice sounded strained when it was finally able to work again. “So you’re just gonna come right out and say it, huh?”
He laughed. “Yeah. I figured I might as well. You’re gonna shoot me down anyway, right?”
My face was burning and I was sweating now. I sighed. “There’s no use denying that I think you’re … you know … really good looking. And funny. And fun to be around. But you know I have to find Bodo …”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I get it. I respect that. I mean, if you were my girl, I’d want to know you loved me that much - to come after me like that.”
“It’s a real relief to hear you say that, Paci, because I don’t want to be mean to you or treat you bad. I think you’re a really special person.”
“No harm, no foul. I’m cool. You’ll probably hate me in a second anyway when I say one last thing.”
I was instantly wary. “What? Do I really want to know? Maybe you can just not say it.”
“No. I have to say it. I know I would always regret it if I didn’t.” He turned to look at me. “I just want to say that if you go out there, and you don’t find him, or you do and it’s bad news, I want to be the next guy in line.”
My emotions were jumbled up and mixed around like the roots of the tree I was sitting on. There were feelings for both guys inside me, twisted together so much, I couldn’t see where one started and the other began. How can I want to find Bodo with everything I have, and at the same time wish I could be with Paci just once, to see how it could be? I stood up, disgusted with myself, grabbing the branch beside me. “I’ve gotta go, Paci. I can’t deal with this right now.” I’ve gotta get out of here before I do something stupid.
He stood up next to me and grabbed the same branch, towering over me and blocking my way to the tree’s trunk where I could climb down. “I’m sorry to lay that on you. Don’t be mad. I just had to get it off my chest, and let you know how I feel.”
“That’s cool.” I said, looking down. “I’m not mad. But I’ve really gotta go.”
He reached up with his free hand and put his finger under my chin, tilting my face up so I was forced to look at him.
I tried not to look but it would have been weak and childish to refuse to meet his gaze, so I did. Within seconds, his earnest, almost slightly pained expression and the chocolaty brown of his eyes, ringed by eyelashes so dark they made him look like he was wearing smudged eyeliner, drew me in, making me feel a little dizzy.
Neither of us said anything for a few moments. His hand left my chin and went to my hair. He pulled a hunk of it out gently to the side and looked at it. “So pretty,” he said in a soft voice. His eyes came back to mine. “You’re beautiful, you know that? I love to watch you do your thing.”
My breath was caught in my throat. He sounded like Bodo and then again he didn’t. He was calmer, but more intense, less playful.
I watched as if in a dream, as his face got closer to me and his eyes closed. My lashes fluttered down of their own accord, and a second later I felt his warm breath on my mouth and then his lips touching mine.
His kiss was tentative at first, testing me to feel for my reaction. The fact that he hadn’t really forced himself on me and was still giving me an out made me lose my focus. To be given this gift, an amazing guy who could have had any girl in the world, wanting to be with me and telling me how pretty I was … it was a heady drug in this world of sometimes very intense loneliness. His tongue came out to touch the spot where our mouths met, and I couldn’t help but use my tongue to greet him there.
His free hand came up behind me and pulled me against him. The only thing keeping us from falling fifteen feet down to the ground below was the branch above our heads that we both gripped onto with our other hands. It was awkward and dangerous and stupid and wrong and right, all at the same time.
The kiss became as passionate as it could have with us like that, standing on a web of roots and holding on for dear life one-handed.
Paci’s hand moved down to squeeze my butt, and without thinking too hard about it, I pulled his waist closer to me. Something inside of me wanted to feel our bodies pressed together. He was big and solid, warm and musky-smelling, making me feel safe and desired.
But it was when I felt how aroused he was that the shock of it woke me out of the haze of passion.
I moved my hand that had drifted to his butt, over to his waist and pushed him away, pulling my head back at the same time. He was left hanging above me, his lips apart and his glistening tongue poised at his bottom lip.