‘Kayden,’ Dylan tells her at the same time I say, ‘No one.’
Dylan’s grin is conniving as he looks from me to Liz. ‘Callie and Kayden moved in together.’
‘Really.’ Her eyes light up as she sets the plate down on the coffee table. ‘That’s so huge, Kayden. Why didn’t you tell us?’
Again, Dylan looks hurt and it makes me feel slightly remorseful. Maybe I’ve been going about this whole getting-to-know-your-family thing all wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have been shutting them out as much as I have been. But it’s difficult to let people in when I know how bad people can hurt you. Still, I decide to try because I know if Callie were here, that’s what she’d want me to do.
‘Sorry, I think it just slipped my mind. I’m not used to telling people things, I guess.’
‘Well, that I do get,’ he says, nervously cracking his knuckles. ‘I’ve actually been needing to talk to you about something.’
I can tell by his tone what it’s about. ‘You found out more about our parents, didn’t you?’
‘I got a call from Mom this morning, but I’ve been procrastinating about telling you because I didn’t want to ruin the trip. But I guess we’re never going to have much of a relationship if we don’t start talking to each other, are we?’ he asks, and even though I’m not too thrilled to hear more about Mom and Dad, I nod. He wavers, uncertainty filling his expression. ‘She actually wanted to tell me about our father.’ Another long pause as he squirms in the chair. ‘It’s bad, Kayden. Dad, I mean … he’s in bad shape.’
I’m fairly sure an entire set of commercials plays before I’m able to get ahold of my voice and my emotions enough to respond. ‘How bad?’
Resolution.
This is what you wanted, right?
You are a terrible person.
‘Really, really bad,’ Dylan says, releasing an exhausted breath.
It’s strange, but it seems like we should be crying or something, yet our eyes are dry. My heart feels the same way, too, and those thoughts of how I’ve got to be a bad person come rushing back to me because this can’t be normal – to feel nothing toward the person who raised you. Regardless, that’s how I feel.
Absolutely nothing.
‘I think he’s going to die,’ Dylan says quietly.
And again, nothing.
I think Callie might have been wrong because there’s no way I’m not broken.
Chapter 18
#159 Don’t Panic When Things Get Brutally Ugly.
Callie
It’s the day after Thanksgiving and the house I grew up in is already sparkling with Christmas lights, a tree in need of decorating, and tons of cut-out snowflakes. My mother is one of those people who loves the holidays to the point where it might be an unhealthy obsession. However, after years and years of it, my brother, father, and I have learned to tolerate it. We’ve also learned how to avoid countless hours of trimming the tree with silver balls and tinsel.
‘I can’t believe she bought your lie this time,’ my brother Jackson says from the front seat of my father’s truck as he fidgets with the stereo. ‘Telling her we’re going to buy some replacement bulbs for the lights, even though all of them are up. I still can’t believe you actually took a couple of the bulbs out so some wouldn’t work.’
Jackson looks better than he used to; less stoner/pothead and more hipster. He’s been attending community college in Florida where my grandparents live and works as a manager at an electronic store. I’m glad to see him like this, instead of the druggie jerk he was when he had spent so much time with Caleb.
My father chuckles as he turns the wipers up a notch. ‘I’ve been having to get more creative with my excuses to get out of the house. Picking up Callie was a long one.’ He grins at me from over his shoulder. ‘And a good one, too.’
I smile back then watch the snowflakes splatter against the window. The snow hasn’t let up since he picked me up from Laramie three days ago. No one I knew was going that way and Kayden was worried his car wasn’t safe enough to get me there with how bad the roads have been. When I told my dad this, he not only got excited to come get me, but he also remarked what a great guy Kayden was for thinking of my safety.
‘You’ve been awfully quiet,’ my father says as he makes a right down Main Street.
‘That’s because she’s lovesick.’ Jackson smirks at me and I stick out my tongue.
‘Is that what it is?’ my father asks and I vow to get Jackson back for bringing this up. ‘Do you miss Kayden?’
‘Of course I miss him,’ I say, unzipping my coat because Jackson is overheating the car with how high he’s got the heater turned up. ‘But I’m always this quiet.’
‘That’s true,’ Jackson mumbles. He folds his arms and stares out the window at the buildings bordering the street. The town is small, but it’s the day after Thanksgiving and the sales the stores are having are causing havoc in the streets.
‘We should go snowboarding or something this weekend,’ Jackson suddenly says to me. I know what he’s doing. Ever since I told my family about what happened with Caleb on my twelfth birthday, Jackson has acted almost too nice. I think he feels guilty because Caleb was his friend and therefore was in the house because of him. I don’t blame him, though. It’s not like he knew it was going to happen. Caleb had everyone fooled.
‘I don’t really know how to snowboard,’ I admit as our dad turns into the busy parking lot of the hardware store located in the heart of the town. ‘And I don’t have a board.’
‘You can borrow my old one. And we’ll go down the small hill.’
I frown. ‘You mean the bunny hill?’
He unclicks his seatbelt. ‘See, you already know the lingo. You’ll be fine.’
I roll my eyes, but agree to go. Then the three of us hop out of the car and face the madness of the store. There’s so many people there that we have to stand in a line just to get in.
‘Wow, people are crazy,’ Jackson mumbles, tugging the hood of his coat over his head as we wait to get to the doors. ‘You should have thought of something else, Dad, that didn’t require going into stores.’
‘Yeah, you’re probably right,’ he agrees, putting on a pair of gloves. ‘But I panicked when she came at me with the inflatable Santa.’
I’m laughing at him when my phone vibrates from inside my pocket. I take it out as we move forward with the line, already guessing who the text is from.
And I’m right.
Kayden: So how’s it going?
Me: Super great, except for the whole avoid-crazy-mom thing turned into an enter-crazy-shopper thing.
Kayden: ???
Me: My dad makes up an excuse every year to get us out of the house while my mother goes mad ninja Christmas crazy on the house. But this time he didn’t put enough thought into it because he took us to the store. And people are nuts. There’s a line just to get into the store.
Kayden: I’m sorry you’re not having fun:(
Me: I actually am. It’s good to see my dad and Jackson. He actually offered to take me snowboarding this weekend.
Kayden: U should go. It’s a lot of fun.
Me: I told him I would, but I’m pretty sure I’ll just spend the day falling on my butt.
Kayden: At least you’ll look adorable doing it;)
Me: Hmm … I’m not so sure. I think my adorableness is only seen by your eyes.
Kayden: No way. U just don’t see it.
I’m about to text back when I realize Jackson and my dad are staring at me with silly grins on their faces.
‘What?’ I ask them.
Jackson sniggers, shaking his head, while my dad just continues to smile. ‘It’s nothing.’ He turns forward and moves with the line. We’re almost there. ‘How’s Kayden doing?’
‘Good. But how’d you know I was texting him?’ I wonder, pulling my hood over my head as the wind picks up.
‘Because you have that lovesick, puppy dog look in your eyes,’ Jackson says smugly as we finally, FINALLY make it into the store.
‘I do not,’ I protest as another text comes through my phone. I have to keep my elbows tucked in while I type just to avoid getting slammed into.
Kayden: U still there.
Me: Yeah, my dad and Jackson interrupted. Sorry.
Kayden: So other than shopping, how’s your day going?
My dad takes one look at the congested aisles and then gives a loud clap of his hands. ‘All right, who’s ready for this?’ When neither Jackson nor I respond, he claps his hands again then leans down like we’re in a huddle. ‘All right, Jackson. You go up the left aisle and to the back to get the bulbs. Callie, I’m out of staples, too, so you go right, go about halfway to the back of the store then make another right. I’ll go get in line and save us a spot so we’re not waiting all day.’ He claps his hands for a third time then says, ‘Break.’
Jackson and I trade an oh-my-God look because we’re so used to this. Growing up with a father who’s a high school football coach, everything’s about the game. Still, we head off to our designated areas, splitting apart and shoving our way through the crazed shoppers. As I make my way to the aisle, I text Kayden back.
Me: Good. Nothing too exciting is going on. Well, except for the fact that my dad just made Jackson and I huddle up so he could give as a play by play of how we were going to get through the store.
Kayden: Must be the coach in him.
Me: I guess so. Or that he’s just getting crazier with old age.
Kayden: God, I wish I could be there. I miss u so f**king bad.
Me: I miss you, too. Is everything ok?
Kayden: Yeah. Actually things are good. Liz ended up burning the dinner, but we ate at this really nice place. And Dylan and I have been talking a lot. I even got to see Tyler for a day and he seemed a lot better.
Me: What about your parents? Have u heard anything more?
It takes him a little while to answer. And by the time the text comes through, I’ve made it to the shelf with a small selection of staples on it.
Kayden: Yeah. Dylan talked to my mom a little bit yesterday. My dad’s in really bad shape. Not sure if he’s going to make it. My mother’s still not saying how he got there in the first place. But I found out they’re in North Carolina.
I’m shocked. Not going to make it? Oh my God, how do I even respond to that? Normally, I’d feel really sorry, but I know from the conversation I had with Kayden in the car, his feelings about all this are buried in confusion created by years of physical abuse.
Me: I’m so sorry. Do u want me to call u when I get out of the store?
I grab a box of staples and turn to leave the aisle, ready to get out of there so I can hear well enough to call Kayden and make sure he’s doing okay. I’m distracted by my phone, not paying attention to where I’m going, and I end up slamming into someone.
The box of staples and my phone slip from my fingers. ‘Shit,’ I curse, bending down to pick them up. ‘Sorry about that.’
‘Don’t worry about it.’
The sound of the voice sends the hairs on the back of my neck on end. I haven’t heard that voice in over a year. It’s a voice I wish I’d never heard to begin with, wish to God I wasn’t hearing now.
‘Fuck,’ I mutter under my breath, scrambling to pick up my phone and the staples without looking at Caleb. He can’t be here. He can’t be here.
He just can’t.
But he is, something I painfully have to acknowledge after I collect my stuff and stand back up. He’s right in front of me, wearing that stupid look on his face, the one that says he thinks he has control over me.
But he doesn’t anymore.
I do.
‘What the f**k are you doing here?’ I’m surprised at how steady my voice is. I make myself carry his gaze, but those dark eyes of his are still hard to look at it.
‘Wow, you’ve developed quite the mouth on you,’ he says. He looks rundown, bags under his eyes, holes in his jeans and the oversized coat he’s wearing nearly swallows his thin body. This isn’t the Caleb I used to know, but he still sends my heart racing with fear. ‘That’s two f**ks and a shit that’s left your lips in the last minute. The Callie I used to know couldn’t even say crap without getting flustered.’
‘The Callie you knew doesn’t exist anymore.’ I suck in a breath, feeling my heart trembling in my chest. ‘And honestly, you never really knew her.’
‘Didn’t I?’ His gaze flicks across my body. I’m not wearing anything revealing – jeans, a coat, and boots – but suddenly I feel like I’m standing in front of him with my Halloween costume on, vulnerable as if he’s seeing all of me. And it’s not for him to see. Ever again!
‘I’m leaving.’ I dodge to the side to swing around him. I’ll go find my dad and Jackson where I know I’ll be safe, and then call the cops. Caleb violated his probation when he skipped town after drug charges were pressed against him so he’s in trouble. I just wish it was for what he did to me.
Before I can skitter around him, he shuffles to the side and blocks my path. There are a couple of people nearby, but they’re too distracted by bright neon sale stickers to notice what’s going on. Or they’re just too afraid to do anything about it.
‘Relax, Callie. I just want to talk.’ His lips curl to a smirk, revealing the monster side of him. This is what he’s always done to me, tried to torture me and get under my skin just by looking at me. I think he actually enjoys seeing me panic, but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of it like I used to.