Standing up straight, I turn to head in the opposite direction. However, things get brutally ugly as he snatches hold of my arm and his fingers dig through the fabric of my coat. A fire and a chill whirl through me simultaneously, the chill stemming from my fear, but the fire giving me anger, giving me strength.
Without even flinching, I whirl around and shove him back with the pent-up rage of the last seven years. ‘Don’t f**king touch me.’ My voice is calm, but firm as he stumbles back in shock. I don’t wait for him to say anything because I don’t care what he has to say.
Nothing that he does matters.
He’s not part of my life anymore.
I’m in control.
I am strong.
Still, by the time I make it to where my dad and Jackson are, I’m on the verge of crying. Not because I’m afraid, but because I’m so angry.
‘Shit, Callie. What’s wrong?’ Jackson asks as I rush up to them.
‘Call the police. Tell them Caleb’s here,’ I say, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. People are staring at me like I’m crazy, but right now, I don’t care. I just care about getting out of this store.
‘Did he hurt you?’ Jackson asks then takes off in the direction I just came from without waiting for my response. ‘I’m going to beat his ass.’
I snag the sleeve of his coat before he can get too far. ‘He didn’t hurt me. Just call the police, okay? It’s way better than beating his ass and then you getting in trouble for it.’
He glances back and forth between the aisles and me, conflicted. Eventually, he gives in. ‘Fine.’ He takes out his phone, muttering, ‘Dumb f**k must be hiding out at his parents’ house.’ He storms off toward the doors, shoving people out of his way as he puts the phone to his ear.
I try to breathe quietly, but I start to struggle for air. I keep scanning the store for signs of Caleb, waiting for him to appear again.
Finally, my dad removes the staples from my trembling hand and sets them and the bulbs down on the nearest rack. ‘We can wait to get those,’ he says, then puts an arm around me and steers me out the doors to the truck, even though I can tell that, like Jackson, he wants to turn around and beat the crap out of Caleb.
He asks me a thousand times if I’m okay. Jackson does the same thing when he gets off the phone. I keep telling them yes because I really am okay. Yeah, Caleb is a horrible person who did horrible things, but I stood up for myself finally. I didn’t panic, didn’t let him win.
It’s taken me seven years to get to this place, and even though I’m still terrified, I’m also strong. Stronger than I used to be.
Stronger than the monster.
Chapter 19
#160 Get To Her – Get Home No Matter What.
Kayden
It’s the day after Thanksgiving and I’m sitting on the sofa, watching some television with Dylan and Liz, and texting Callie on and off during the commercials. It’s been both a rough but decent day as we all struggle through our feelings about my dad being in a coma while trying to enjoy each other’s company. I don’t think any of us knows what to do with the information about my father, so we’ve all just sort of been quiet, afraid to be the first one to speak, to say what we’re all thinking – that we might not be as upset as we should be. I could see it in Dylan’s eyes the more we talked and in Tyler’s eyes, too, which were less hazy than the last time I saw them. We didn’t get to visit him for too long, but it was nice to see him when he was not high and out of his mind. He kind of reminded me of the Tyler I knew who taught me how to ride a bike, not the one that took off and left to become a drug addict.
‘I’m going to go make some popcorn,’ Liz announces during a commercial, getting up from the couch. ‘Kayden, do you need anything?’
I shake my head. ‘No, I’m good.’ I take out my phone and text Callie again. She hasn’t responded to my last two texts and I’m starting to wonder what’s up. It’s making me uneasy, but that feeling could also be stemming from the fact I’m under a lot of emotional stress and haven’t picked up a razor yet.
Kayden: Hey, it’s me again. R u okay? I’m starting to get worried.
I hold my phone for a while, waiting for a text to come through, but instead it starts to ring. Callie’s name flashes across the screen and a smile touches my lips as I get up and go back to the guestroom where I’ve been spending my nights.
‘I’m glad you called,’ I say, shutting the door behind me. I don’t bother turning the lamp on, since the sun’s still up enough to light up the room. ‘I was starting to get a little worried.’
‘I know you were,’ she replies remorsefully. ‘Sorry. I should have called sooner.’ There’s an edge to her voice and I know right away that something’s not right.
‘Something is wrong’ – I shove some of my dirty clothes out of the way then lie down on the bed – ‘isn’t there?’
She lets out a shaky breath. ‘Kind of. I mean, everything’s okay now.’
My body goes rigid. ‘But it wasn’t a while ago?’
‘No, not really.’
I hesitate, unsure if I should ask because of the reluctant tone she has. ‘Do you …? Do you want to talk about it?’
‘Not really,’ she sighs. ‘But I probably should.’ Another sigh. Then another. It’s driving me mad knowing something happened, but not knowing what. ‘I ran into Caleb today.’ Her voice is barely a whisper.
I bolt upright from the bed, completely taken off guard. ‘What? Where?’ My hands ball into fists and I have to stab my nails into my palms to keep myself from losing it. I need to calm down. Need to de-stress somehow because I’m feeling that pull again, toward my razor … my flesh … the pain … the blood … the relief. I squeeze my eyes shut. ‘Please, tell me you’re okay.’
‘I’m fine, Kayden. I promise. I just ran into him at the store while I was texting you. It’s why I stopped.’ Her pause seems to last forever. ‘I’m okay, though. I totally stood up to him and even shoved him when he tried to grab me.’
‘He tried to grab you?’ I’m so angry I have to pry my nails away from my palms and grab onto a nearby throw pillow to grip the shit out of it. ‘In a f**king store?’
‘Yes, but it’s okay,’ Callie says quickly. ‘I got to stand up to him like I’ve always wanted to do. And Jackson called the cops and they arrested him. God, I can’t believe he’s behind bars.’ She sounds happy about it, but I’m not, still stuck on the part where he put his freaking hands on her.
‘I want to beat the shit out of him right now,’ I admit, chucking the pillow at the wall, ‘for touching you.’
‘But you don’t need to this time,’ she says proudly. ‘I took care of him myself. I stood up to him and Jackson called the police and he was arrested for the drug charges pressed against him last year, so he might end up in jail. And I know it’s in no way enough for what he did to me, but it still feels like I’m getting a little bit of resolution.’
‘Callie …’ I struggle with what to say, with what to do, with how to calm myself down, and not have another slip up.
‘Kayden …’ Her tone is way lighter than one would expect it to be. How can she be so calm? While I’m a wreck? And it doesn’t even have anything to do with me.
‘Tell me what to do,’ I say in a strained whisper. ‘I need to do something; otherwise, I’m going to lose it.’
‘You can tell me about how you are,’ she suggests. ‘I need the distraction.’
‘Really? That’s all you need.’
‘Yes.’
‘I can do that.’ I blow out a breath and try to relax and tell her about my trip, even though I’ve already texted her about the majority of it. But she asked me to do it and that’s all that really matters at the moment. Not my need to beat Caleb or my rage. It’s not a my thing, but about her.
After I’ve yammered her ear off for about an hour, long enough that the sun is slowly descending behind the mountains, I stop to give her some time to speak, asking her what her plans are, besides snowboarding with her brother.
‘Well, I should probably tell you I’m heading back to Laramie tomorrow morning,’ she says and I can hear her typing on her computer, probably writing either a story for class or an article for her internship.
‘But I thought you weren’t going back until Monday morning?’ I slip my shoes off and kick them off the bed.
‘Yeah, but Jackson wants me to show him all the fun partying stuff to do in Laramie on Saturday and then hit some slopes down there on Sunday. Honestly, I’m ready to get out of this town. As much fun as I’ve had decking out the Christmas tree, I miss our home.’
I smile as I lean against the headboard and stretch out my legs. ‘I miss our home, too, but I have to ask, you showing Jackson the party scene? Really?’
She laughs and it’s the most serene sound I’ve ever heard, like what music does to some people. ‘Yeah, crazy, right? I’d worry I’d disappoint, but he seems to have chilled out on the partying and I think it’s been a while, so I’m hoping that means it won’t take a lot for him to have fun. Plus, Luke and Violet are there.’
I can’t contain my laughter. ‘So you, Luke, Violet, and Jackson are all going to hang out?’
‘Hey, I’m friends with them, too,’ she protests, offended. ‘And I already texted Luke to tell him what’s up and he said he was down to chill.’
‘I know you’re friends with them.’ I let my laughter die down. ‘Sorry, it was just a little unexpected. I’m sure you’ll have fun, although I’m jealous I can’t be there.’
‘I’m sorry you can’t either, but I’m totally going to have fun,’ she says mischievously. ‘I’m going to wear that dress I wore on Halloween and be a party animal.’
‘No way. No wearing that dress without me around.’
‘You sound jealous.’
‘I am.’
‘You should come home early, too, then, and I’ll put on the dress for you.’ She pauses. ‘Or maybe I’ll just wear the boots and nothing else.’
I bite down on my lip hard, a growl rising in my throat. ‘Are you trying to entice me with your sexiness?’
‘Maybe.’ The naughtiness in her voice is making me go rock hard. ‘Is it working?’
I have to adjust myself as I picture her in what she’s describing. ‘Fuck yeah. I’m hard as hell.’
I hear her catch her breath from the other end and can picture her blushing. ‘So do you think you can swing it?’
‘Doing you in those boots?’ I ask. ‘Hell yeah.’
She snorts a laugh. ‘No. I mean come home early.’
God, what I would give to be home with her, especially after what happened with Caleb. Regardless if she says she’s okay, I still need to see for myself – be there for her. But how?
‘I wish I could, but I’m not sure I could afford to switch flights.’ I sigh. It’s not like I want to get away from my brother, I just miss her. Things are starting to get to me here, and I know if I was with her, it wouldn’t be as hard to deal with.
‘Yeah, I know. You probably shouldn’t either.’ She sighs. ‘I was just being selfish.’
‘You weren’t being selfish. You’re allowed to want me.’
Her soft laughter vibrates through my ear and makes me want to be near her even more. ‘Well, I want you all the time, but I guess if I have to, I can wait until Monday.’ She pauses and I hear someone saying something. ‘Sorry, but I have to go. Mom wants me to come help her bake pies.’ She sounds less than thrilled about it.
‘Have fun,’ I tease because I know she hates baking.
‘Ha, ha.’ She doesn’t find me funny at all. ‘I love you.’
My heart swells inside my chest. Those words will never get old and I want to hear them in person where I can kiss her right after they’re uttered. ‘I love you, too.’
The silence gets to me the moment I hang up, as my problems, along with what happened with Callie, come rushing back to me. I feel so alone, so confused, so in need of seeing her, just to make sure she’s okay. I’m tempted to do things to get my mind off the emotional overload. There are only two things I feel like doing right now – seeing Callie and picking up my razor. And one seems so much easier to do at the moment than the other.
Chapter 20
#161 Go Home When You Need To. There’s No Shame in Leaving Early.
Kayden
I wasn’t planning on leaving early, even though I really f**king want to. I’d told myself to stick this out, that Callie would be okay, but for some reason, I couldn’t shake the feeling that things were about to change.
That something bad was about to happen.
Call it years of getting these feelings right before my father would get set off. I guess he somehow built an alarm inside me.
For the most part, the day is going good. We’re sitting around, playing Scrabble, laughing about the perverted word my brother just laid down and got forty-something points for – cock.
‘God, I feel like I’m married to a teenage boy,’ Liz says, throwing a chip at Dylan who laughs when it pegs him in the forehead.
‘You like my dirty mind,’ he replies. ‘Don’t lie.’
She’s about to snap a comeback when the phone rings.