The signs had all been there; she’d just chosen to ignore them. It felt so good to have someone in her life that genuinely seemed to care about her, someone to lean on for the first time in her life. This was a side of Jason that was completely unexpected. Sure he was dominating in business but most successful men were. He cared about everyone in the company that much was obvious.
To be involved with him though, was to lose her identity, and how long after would the abuse start? Her father hadn’t always been someone her mother considered a monster. She probably felt protected and cherished at first until he slowly chipped away at everything she was. Even though her heart was breaking, it was time to walk away from Jason while she still had the strength to do it.
She didn’t know how long she’d been lying in the dark when she heard a knock at the door. Oh wonderful, Billy has some more bad news for me. Maybe Jason kicked his dog after threatening him. Wearily getting to her feet, Claire walked to the door and swung it open without checking to see who was on the other side.
Jason stood there, a warm smile on his face. He stepped forward to kiss her lightly on the lips and then walked around her into the apartment seeming not to notice the frozen expression on her face. “I had my driver drop me here. I thought I could help you pack some of your things, and we could stop for dinner on the way home.” Suddenly, he stopped to examine her face and the rumpled condition of her clothing. “Were you resting?”
“Jason, I’m not going to your house tonight.” She walked over to the side table where he had tossed his keys and handed them to him.
“What’s going on? You want to stay here? I guess I could grab a few things from home and come back if that’s what you really want.”
She tried to draw on her earlier anger to keep the tears in check and said, “I don’t want you here either. Whatever this is that we’ve been doing is over. I know this will make working together impossible, so I’ll find another job. Suzy can pick my things up for me at the office.”
“Whoa! What the hell are you talking about? I seem to have missed out on something major here. You’re breaking up with me because I talked to your mother’s doctor today? I know I might have been out of line a bit, but I don’t think that’s any reason to take this drastic step.”
Claire could see the confusion in Jason’s eyes and the red flush covering his face. His normal unflappable cool seemed to be deserting him. “It’s not just that Jason, it’s a series of things like it though. This is best for both of us. I’ve been controlled almost my entire life; I can’t make the mistake of continuing the cycle," replied Claire.
"You’re upset over your mother, and you’re overreacting. Let’s talk about our relationship later when you have calmed down some,” said Jason in a soothing voice.
Claire saw red at the patronizing tone of his voice. Anger took control as she yelled “Don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot Jason, I know exactly what I’m doing and as for our relationship, we don’t have one! We slept together a few times but great sex doesn’t mean we’re married now!”
Claire sucked in a breath and prepared to deliver the final blow, knowing she was going to have to twist the knife even deeper to get him to leave. “I tried Jason, I really did, but you just aren’t my type. I’ve been seeing someone else that I met at one of the bachelor parties, and I think we’re a better fit. I’m not looking for anything serious, you’re smothering me,” finished Claire with a pitying smile.
Jason stared at her like he had never seen her before. His handsome face went white, completely devoid of color. With a look of pure disgust, he spun on his heel and slammed out her door without uttering a single word in response.
On shaky legs, Claire walked over and locked her door and collapsed on the floor. Sobs ripped from her throat as every piece of her heart shattered into a million pieces. Claire knew that as long as she lived, she would never be whole again. She loved him; maybe the lust that she’d always joked with herself about feeling for him had been love all along. Just knowing she would never see him at the office, never see those blue eyes twinkle when he laughed, never feel his hands on her body bringing her to a frenzied pitch made her want to run after him and beg him to forgive her, but she couldn’t.
In ten years or less she would be her mother, and she would rather be alone than love someone so bent on consuming her. As she curled up into a ball on the floor, Claire wondered if she would ever find the strength or will to move again.
~~~
Jason walked to his car in disbelief. He wanted to turn around and go back, to demand to know what was going on but the memory of the cold, remote expression on Claire’s face stopped him. Had the things that he thought he was doing to help her been the very things that pushed her away? He didn’t believe the bit about her seeing someone else; that just wasn’t the way Claire was made. He knew it was his actions alone that had pushed her away and for that he had no answer.
Ironic really, the one time in his life that he let himself depend on another person, get emotionally involved, he was kicked in the stomach and discarded like yesterday’s trash. If this was how love ended up making you feel, then he was finished with it. Almost on auto pilot he arrived home and entered a house which seemed to be filled with such promise only this morning.
Chapter Twenty Five
Claire somehow survived the next week. Most of her mother’s test results were back, and the news wasn’t as promising as she’d hoped but not a worst-case scenario either. Dr. Mauldin didn’t feel that another stroke was imminent. The damage sustained from this one was more than likely permanent, and her mother would need months of rehabilitation to learn to cope with the handicaps left behind.
The process would be slow with her Alzheimer’s. Dr. Mauldin was convinced that her mother would need to move into a rehabilitation center for awhile rather than trying it on an outpatient basis. Her insurance would cover some of the cost but would still leave a large amount that needed to be paid. Claire walked back out into the waiting room and put her face in her hands. How was she going to cover all the expenses?
She felt a touch on her head and looked up into the concerned eyes of Louise. Louise took one of her hands and said, “Honey, I know you’re overwhelmed and trying to decide what to do. If you don’t mind an old woman giving you some advice, I would like to tell you something that you don’t know.”
Her curiosity peaked; Claire waited for her to continue. “Many years ago there were two old women who liked to think ahead. In a house where it wasn’t encouraged to think at all, much less make any plans, we did what we could on our own. Your mama always knew you were the strong one. Even back then she sensed at some point you’d be taking care of us all. Your daddy moved everything into your mama’s name well before he died. He claimed it was for tax purposes, but I really believe he just wanted to be free and clear, in case he decided to run off with one of those floozies that he loved to hang out with.”
Almost choking in surprise, Claire said, “Floozies?”