“No, but Suz, you don’t know how my father started off. Abusive people usually escalate over time; they probably don’t just go off the deep end immediately. We’d only been together for a short time and really not even in a relationship and look at how he had taken over my life. What would it be like in a month or a year? Would I even recognize myself then?” Claire felt a sob escape from her throat and fought for calm.
Suzy as if sensing how close she was to losing it, took a quieter tone, all joking gone from her voice. “Sweetie, do you know what I think you need to do? I think you need to talk to the one person who can tell you how things started off with your father, your mother. You’re still hurting and traumatized from everything you and your family suffered. It would probably do your mother some good to get it out as well.”
“Suz, I can’t; she isn’t up to talking about this, and I can’t risk upsetting her.”
“Sweetie did you ever stop to think that your mother needs it as much as you do? You have spent these last few years since your father and sister died trying to pretend that nothing bad happened. It’s so bottled up inside you that you’re ready to explode. Give your mother a chance to be your mom, to be strong for you for once. Go talk to her before you throw away your chance with Jason.”
“I… I’ll think about it Suz; I will,” promised Claire.
“Good because I don’t have many more inspirational talks left in me; I’m practically breaking out in hives right now.” Despite herself, she laughed long and hard. Claire loved that Suzy always knew when she needed it. “Ok girl, I gotta run, love you and all that stuff.” With a click, she was gone. That was Suzy, in like a tornado, out like a tornado.
Chapter Twenty Six
Claire tossed and turned all night, going over and over what Suzy had said. Could she be right about Jason? Was there a good man under the take-charge exterior? Suzy was right; there was only one person who could set her mind at ease. She desperately wanted to talk to her mother but maybe Louise was a good starting point. Louise’s sister usually dropped her off for the day around nine, so she rushed to catch her for a cup of coffee before she talked to her mother.
She arrived a little earlier than usual and checked with Glenda at the nurse’s station. Her mother rested well and was on her way to morning therapy. Glenda also said that Louise hadn’t arrived yet. Claire thanked her and walked to the front entrance to wait for her. In a few moments, she saw a long blue Cadillac pulling in front of the circular drive and Louise getting out of the passenger side. Claire shuddered as the Cadillac took off at a fast clip. She could easily imagine Louise hanging on for dear life as her sister sped through the city.
Louise looked surprised but pleased to see her standing inside the doorway. Louise said, “It’s good to see you smiling this morning honey; you have been so quiet this week.”
“I know Louise, there’s been a lot to take in lately, and I’m just now catching my breath. Mom just went down for her physical therapy, so I thought we could have a cup of coffee if you like?"
There was a small coffee shop located in the hospital that served coffee and cappuccinos as well as various pastries. Claire and Louise both chose a regular coffee and fresh hot cinnamon rolls. They settled into a table at the back of the room with their purchases. The shop was a revolving door of doctors and nurses getting their morning fill of caffeine to start their day.
“Louise, I know we haven’t talked about it but what’re your plans if we sell the house? You’re more than welcome to stay with me. My apartment is on the small side, but I would be happy to have you there,” offered Claire.
“You’re a sweet child to worry about this old woman but don’t. My sister Janet and I’ve talked, and I plan to move in with her. Her husband has been gone for a long time now. She stays busy with her senior group and bingo, but she’s lonely in the house by herself. She’s already agreed to bring me to visit Evelyn as often as I want, and we get along well. I want you to promise to come see me though honey. I never had children, I didn’t need them. You and Chrissie were always my babies.”
Claire felt tears gather in her eyes. For someone who never cried, she never seemed to stop now. “I promise I will and you know I think of you as a mother as well." When they’d both gotten themselves somewhat under control, Claire looked at Louise and said, “I wanted to talk to you about my father. I know you weren’t there in the beginning, but I want to know if you ever saw good in him?” Louise looked at her in surprise; sadness etched in the corners of her mouth.
“Honey, I wondered when or if you’d ever be strong enough to ask about him. I know we’ve mentioned him plenty but we never really talked about him. Your mama and I did though, quite a lot. I think it helped her to have an outlet for her anger. I asked your mama once almost the same question; was he good to her in the beginning and when did it change?
“They met in college, which you know. Your mama said she was quiet and shy back then, kind of a wallflower. Even though we both know from the pictures she was beautiful, still is, she was always more involved in her studies than dating. When your daddy started paying attention to her, she was flattered. All the girls in school were chasing him, and it made her feel special to have someone like him chasing her. She started going out with him, and even though she caught him talking to other girls a lot, he always had an excuse. By that time, she was so in love with him she believed every word he said. He would insult her in front of his friends to embarrass her and then beg her to forgive him later. He always found a way to make it her fault. She caught him quite literally with his pants down with the captain of the cheerleading squad after they’d been going out for a year. He told her it just happened because he didn’t think she loved him enough, and he was afraid she would leave him. He proposed right there on the spot, and the innocent that she was believed him.
“Your daddy used love to cover his trail of lies until after they were married. She would threaten to leave him, and he would tell her he couldn’t live without her; he would be good for a few weeks, and the cycle would repeat. After she had you girls, she was determined to shield you as much as she could. Your daddy told her if she ever left him, she would never see you and Chrissie again. He was a lawyer with a lot of powerful friends, and they’d never take the side of someone like her against him. She did try Claire; she wanted out. She was so afraid of what would happen if she left. Her greatest fear was that you and Chrissie would be left alone with him. She always tried to make sure he burned out the worst of his anger on her so that nothing was left to be directed at you girls. I honestly think she would have killed him if he ever raised a hand to you. He tried his best to break her, and he assumed that he had long ago; he never did though. She lived for the day you’d all be free and when that finally happened there was no joy in it because Chrissie had been taken. I think she always felt that by wishing for him to be gone, she was responsible for what happened to Chrissie as well. Honey, you both need to talk about it and then move past it. I know that young man of yours would very much like to build a life with you free of ghosts.”
Claire looked at her in surprise. “I might be an old woman, but I’m not senile. I saw the way that boy looked at you. I think you’d be surprised to hear what your mama has to say about him too. Why don’t you go on back and see if she’s in her room now? I’m going to have me another cup of coffee and rest for a minute.”