He understood all that. But he had his own needs and vulnerabilities as well, and her demand was like a witchs spell. If it had been uttered twice, or more catastrophically, the irreversible three times, it would have taken him over. He would have obeyed her without thought.
Or maybe not. Surrender and submission were inseparable from love, care, protection. Without those things, the soul was lost, along with the treasure. A Mistress had taught him that. His Mistress, or rather, the Mistress, the one whod allowed him to be hers, even if she belonged to another.
Not for the first time in the past few hours, he realized that history might be problematic. Yeah, thats an understatement. He was in uncharted territory, pursuing someone who wasnt part of a life that was a large part of his. Maybe that was the real reason he hadnt called her for months, even knowing he could have gotten the number from Marguerite. But he hadnt forgotten her, had wanted her, and when hed heard her voice on the phone, he knew he didnt want to deny himself the pleasure of getting to know her. Hed accepted it as fate, but he was well aware he could be rationalizing a path to catastrophe, for both of them.
A s he helped her into the Jeep and made sure her seatbelt was securely fastened, he noted her downcast eyes, bruised with lack of sleep.
Brushing her cheek with his knuckles, he won an attempt at a real smile.
It was never easy or simple. Something worth having never was.
* * * * *
When Brendan dropped her off, he told her that hed come back for her at the end of the day. Walked her to the side porch of the tea room. Held her hand. A part of her wanted him to kiss her, but she had no idea what she herself wanted. Shed never realized her own thoughts could turn her into a lunatic. She must have conveyed that indecision, because after a steady, searching look, he squeezed her hands and took a step back, nodding to her before heading back down the narrow path to the roadside parking. She thought she detected an expression of regret, like hed hoped for more of a signal from her for the kiss. Or she might be reading way too much into it. He could be thinking, Okay, be a good kid, play well with others, and dont give away the carrots I put in your Barbie lunchbox.
He hadnt fucked her, though shed all but begged him. Maybe she understood why hed turned her down, but his decision not to kiss her now took some of that understanding away. A nice guy? Was that what she really wanted? A ny other day there would have been callous, insensitive, only-thinking-with-their-dicks Neanderthals lined up ten deep everywhere she looked, ready to take advantage of her desire for rough, violent sex.
Hed stopped at the Jeep, his hand on the latch, and now he looked back, met her gaze. What was it that showed in her face? She didnt know, but he let go of the handle and considered her from head to toe, standing on the steps.
She hadnt worn anything particularly alluring today. She was dressed up enough to be presentable for work, no more, no less. Usually she went for some kind of amulet, a few strings of colorful beads, unique costume jewelry that fit her flowing clothes or faded jeans and quirky T-shirts. She loved wild, floppy hats with feathers, decorated the brims with vintage brooches she found. She might wear a ribboned cameo at her throat, or poison vial amulets. Some days she went for the natural look, her jewelry just a seashell or rock shed found, strung on a silk cord.
Rather than being the armor they were for many other people, her clothes and accessories were part of her honest language, the way she laughed and talked to the world, which sang back in multiple colors and textures.
If anyone could live on the curve of a rainbow, it would be you. Gen had said that to her. Over a year ago.
Today, her throat was painfully bare, her outfit bland. Jewelry and color were the last things shed been thinking about this morning. But as his gaze coursed over her throat, instead of feeling like shed failed herself, she imagined his hands or mouth as the embellishment there, a sensation as vibrant as whatever sparkling color she would have chosen. She almost forgot how tired and pale she must look.
His focus moved back to her face. A ll hed done was look at her, and she couldnt move, could only tremble. Could he devour her body with a look, the way she wanted him to do? No, of course not. No more than he could take her up on her needy demand earlier, or give her one damn kiss now.
On the other hand, if hed given her a brush of lips the way he would a pathetic invalid, a psycho charity case, she might have had to pluck the Welcome to Tea Leaves wall plate off the porch pillar and slap it against his head hard enough to spin him.
Chloe. His voice was a caress, feathering the twenty feet of air between them. What do you want right now? Tell me.
I want you to kiss me, like you would have last night. I dont want you to give a damn about how I feel or what I want. I dont want you to be sensitive or caring. Its choking me, damn it.
He cocked a brow. Pivoted and opened the Jeep door. For a second, she thought she might crumble right there. Or scream like a madwoman, ripping all the innocent flowers from their pots to throw clods of dirt at him. Then he shrugged out of the coat, broad shoulders delineated by the pull of the white shirt beneath, and tossed it over the passenger seat. Turning around, he strode back up the walk to her.His eyes were back on hers, but his expression was very different now. He showed her fire, purpose, a sensuous set of his mouth that had her own lips tightening in anticipation. He moved swiftly and gracefully, such that she had approximately one indrawn breath to think I have no idea what the hell Im doing. There was panic, that odd conflict again, wanting him and yet fighting not to bolt and hide. Before she could decide, hed slid one arm around her waist and put one foot on the step next to hers. When the weight of his body shoved her against the railing, her hands flew to his shoulders to grab.
In a blink, her feet were barely touching the porch boards, then not touching at all as he took another step up. The height difference, along with the strength of his one arm, brought her up against his chest, put her thighs flush against his. Before her feet could scrabble for purchase, hed shifted his hands, gripped her thighs and yanked them up so they slid around his hips, pressing his body into that carnal cradle, denim to soft fabric.
Shed worn drawstring cotton pants with her T-shirt, hand painted with a jasmine tea leaf. One of her faded and frayed ballet style slippers toppled off her toe so that her bare foot curved around the back of his thigh. Even though the outfit was thin, it felt like too many clothes as the sensual overload of the previous night rushed back in, the remembrance of his cock spurting at her command, that steel organ now pressed against her center.
Then his mouth claimed hers and all of her brain cells spun out of control. He did exactly as shed craved, making the kiss hot, demanding, basically pure sex administered in oral form. Tongue invading, teasing, plumbing, his other hand wrapping around her head, fingers buried in her hair. The arm around her waist was low enough his hand splayed out over her buttock, gripped her hard so she moaned into his mouth and moved in hard, restless anger against him. He made a masculine noise in her mouth, urgent, sexual. Tearing his mouth away from hers, he tasted her throat the way shed imagined, only sucking on her flesh, scoring it with his teeth. He sucked hard enough to leave a mark upon her, something she could finger through the day and remember. Gen might see it and tease her, which was good, because that would convince them she was doing okay, make them worry less.
A s he kissed her, her nerve endings reacted like reeds bending before the touch of a warm wind. A t the same time, that coil in her lower belly drew into a needy fist she felt in all the right places, above and below. Her mouth, face and throat had never been so sensitive to a mans touch. She wanted him everywhere, his mouth, the beat of his breath, the tips of his fingertips, so she could shiver and moan, lose herself in sensation, thoughts disappearing.
When he lifted his head, she was clinging to him, her breath panting, heart trip-hammering.
I could never kiss you like I dont give a damn about what you want, Chloe, he murmured, intense gaze upon her face. But I can kiss you like its the most important thing in the whole fucking world. I could stand here and kiss you like this forever.
Staring into his face, she forced her fingers to let go of him, one at a time. You dont do anything in half measure, do you?
He eased her down, ran a thumb over her moist lips. Ill see you at six.
Turning, he went back to his Jeep, and left her there.
Chapter Four
Chloe?
The door had opened behind her and she hadnt even realized it. Thank Goddess it was Gen and not their boss, because she wasnt sure how she could have held it together in front of Marguerite at this raw moment. There was just something about her and Tyler, both of them seeing past all layers to who a person was. It was a loveable quality only when you werent desperately using those layers as camouflage.
Gen was a different kind of friend. The comfortable kind. Though there was concern in her eyes, she put a hand on her hip and gave her a tart look. A re you done necking with your boy-toy and ready to go to work?
A pparently more than you, if you had time to press your nose to the window. Chloe attempted a smile as she managed to shuffle to the door.
Gen slid an arm around her waist and squeezed, unspoken affection and care.
If its a pretty day, I look out the window. I just didnt realize how pretty the view was going to be. Wasnt that Brendan, the one who gave Marguerite away at her wedding? A bout time you called him. I should have slipped him your number to get things going sooner.
Yeah, because I want to rush my inevitable trashing of the relationship so he can treat me like a leper sooner. But she had really liked that kiss. In fact, if she set aside her insecurities, she knew shed never enjoyed a kiss more in her whole life. Her body knew that was the kiss of all kisses, specially tailored for everything she wanted and needed.
A wkwardness, excitement and laughter were all part of first kisses, as much as passion and potential. But there was something about Brendan that took her right past awkwardness. She should have been pretty embarrassed when she first saw him this morning, but that mortification had been immediately brushed aside by desire. Everything felt the way it should. A s if nothing he said or did, or even she said or did, could be wrong.
A s natural as breathing, as perfect as lovemaking in the tranquil hush of a church. The quiet beauty of the sacred meeting the childs need for joy.