Those pressure cracks that Derek’s presence had created ran a little further into her heart, making her pause. “I know I haven’t been a good friend, not for the past several years. You’ve known it, yet you’ve been a far better friend than I deserve.”
Raina’s dispassion disappeared. Snatching the envelope out of Ruby’s hand, she tossed it to a side table and put both hands on Ruby’s shoulders. “Okay, you’re acting like this is the last time we’re going to talk, which is making it really hard for me to be pissed off at you. And that just annoys me more.”
“Why are you pissed off at me?” Ruby blurted out.
“You have your secret. That will just have to be mine.” When Raina pulled her down on the velvet sofa designed for longer male legs, she curled her legs up beneath her. Ruby did the same, so they faced each other. In the mirrors scattered around the room, Ruby thought they looked like bookends, connected by their joined hands, elbows propped on the back cushion between them. She stared at her friend, wishing she could say so many things. Raina shook her head, sighed. “Don’t know why you bring this out in me. Come here.”
As Raina drew her closer, Ruby laid her head in the other woman’s lap, curling her arms around her hips as Raina stroked her hair. “You’re a pain in my ass,” the witch said, tugging Ruby’s ponytail. “And you better come back, or I will give that slobbering dog to a cult and let them torture him to death.”
“You won’t. He’s the only male you ever let sleep in your bed.”
“Well, he is warm and he doesn’t hog the sheets. He might drool and have terrible gas, but as long as I don’t light a candle, he’s a lot safer than most bedmates.”
“Men aren’t really all that bad.”
“Occupational hazard, dove.” Raina twisted Ruby’s ponytail around her fingers. “This is a place for men to come and be vulnerable. That’s fine, but what I want is a man without his vulnerabilities hanging out like sloppy shirttails. A real man can lower his shields and still be a man. Too many these days are children masquerading as men, suckled at their mother’s tit for far too long. I’ll give Derek that much credit. He’s a man in every sense of the word. They’re few and far between.”
Ruby was quiet a moment. “You know he didn’t dump me.”
“I figured that out some time ago. So did Ramona. A dumped woman has a grieving process, usually involving alcohol, anger and bitter jokes about the tiny size of his penis and brain, which are interchangeable at that point. You’re carrying a deep, frightening anger, Ruby, but it’s the kind that pushes a man away from her, not the other way around.”
The lump in Ruby’s throat was painful and immediate, and she turned her face into Raina’s thigh, fighting back the tears. Damn it, not now. Raina respected her attempt to bring it back under control, rubbing her nape and shoulders without saying anything for a while.
When they’d slept in the same bed, Derek had done that. Closing her eyes, Ruby gave herself the contraband memory, probably the real reason Raina didn’t sleep with men. The intimacy of it was overwhelming. Addictive, when it was the right male. She missed it as much as the sex. Often more, and given how much she missed the sex, that was saying something.
“Well, he’s free, by my choice.” Ruby forced out the words. “Go for it. I don’t have any claim on him.”
Raina tugged her head up. “I like all my limbs in the proper places. Don’t try to convince me you wouldn’t turn me into a warty toad, because I know better. Ruby…. was it losing the baby? Is that why you sent him away?”
“Raina—”
“I know. You don’t want to talk about that, not now, not ever. You told me as much, when you made me swear he would never know.” Raina cupped her face when Ruby would have looked away. “That man is a pain in the ass in so many ways. But I will bet every dollar I’ve ever earned that he’s missed you as much as you miss him. And you know how I feel about my money. I only bet on sure things.”
She was already aching. She didn’t want this conversation. The look in Derek’s intense dark blue eyes was already haunting her, vibrating through her body. “He’s probably been with hundreds of women since three years ago.” Ruby tried to shrug, shoulders weighted down with an avalanche of hard emotions. “Derek Stormwind is far too virile, too close to nature….”
That was the thing about him. Though Derek said he was human, she’d felt things from him that were far more than human. When they’d walked on a beach and he embraced her, she’d felt the movement of the tides and currents through his kiss, inhaled salt and sea through his skin. In the mountains, it was as if the grand panorama of peaks, the smallest woodland creatures, the silver winding ribbons of creeks, streams and rivers, all of it, were coursing through him. When she’d visited such places alone, that quiet tranquility she felt, a sense of the powerful energy of nature itself, that connected animal, rock, tree, sky, stars and moon…. They all made her realize it wasn’t in his magic. It was him. He was a conduit to the Earth, to all four of the elements and the sacred energy that connected them. He was pure power, gentle rain and terrible thunder both, and no woman with a pulse could resist that. Even zombie women would probably respond to him.
“Raina, with the Great Rite alone, he could get himself all sorts of available pussy. I’m sure he hasn’t been hurting for it.”
“You are far more than sex to him. And misusing the Great Rite is the last thing he’d ever do. He is tediously noble, a true white knight. With a deliciously demanding, alpha dominant edge to him when it comes to that out-front sexuality of his.”
“Thanks for twisting that knife.”
“Oh, I’ll bet he twists his knife quite capably….”
“Raina.” Pushing up to her knees, Ruby snatched a pillow, swatted it at her. Raina grabbed the other cushion and returned blow for blow, until Ruby was laughing despite herself. She stopped in the middle of the room, breathing hard. The swirling laughter stirred up other things, sediment that shouldn’t be disturbed.
“Sweetheart.” Raina’s arms were around her, Ruby’s suddenly wet face pressed into her shoulder. Ruby fought it back, but it was too hard. She had to let some of it out, one tiny sentence.
“I’ve missed him so much.” She gripped Raina harder to contain the sob behind that simple, devastating truth. This was so not good. “I can’t have him, Raina. I just can’t. Don’t ask why.”
“Bullshit, dove.” But Raina’s voice was gentle as she rocked her, held her together. “Maybe this trip to help the coven will be good, help you both figure some things out. Though fair warning— if you invite him back into your life, I’ll continue to treat him like the sanctimonious prick he is.”
Ruby shook her head, stepped back. “This may bring closure, but it’s not a new beginning for us, Raina. That part of my life is done.” It has to be. There’s too much blood, too much pain…. Too much water has gone under the bridge. And that water is the River Styx, all about death and endings. Not life and new beginnings.
“All right, then.” Raina gave her a piercing look, but didn’t push it further, to Ruby’s great relief. Moving to the bar, she fished around, found what looked like a deep purple wine and splashed a small amount in a shot glass, pushing it over to Ruby. “That’s all the more reason you should try this little room of mine. You’re an emotional mess, and it will help you get the physical urges under control. You’re emanating sexual need a ten-cylinder Dodge Ram vibrator couldn’t handle, darling.”
Still holding the pillow, Ruby pantomimed another swat at her. Raina countered with a wave of her hand that pulled the cushion from Ruby’s grasp and returned it to the couch with her own pillow. It was a demonstration of the witch’s effortless control over her magic, a control she’d always had.
Ruby grimaced, affecting a look of resignation, but she knew too much about the pleasures of Raina’s house, at least by description. She wasn’t going to resist Raina’s demand. Her body was revved up way too high to do any well-grounded energy work, but because of what was in that letter, she had to do energy work tonight. Her paperwork was important, but not as important as the protection spells she had to lay down before she left. She took the shot glass, sniffed at it. “Raina, there’s nightshade in this.”
“Yes, it helps the room do what it needs to do. Not enough to poison you, dove, I promise.”
“How comforting.” What the hell. Ruby downed it in a quick movement, was surprised to find it potent and sweet. “Okay. Let’s go do the ‘Escape from My Agonizing Reality Room.’ ”
“What a catchy title. Thank God guns don’t require clever marketing campaigns. Just, ‘If you want to kill something, I’m here to help.’ ”
“Good customer service doesn’t have to be complex.”
“Too true.”
Chapter 4
DESIGNED TO MANUFACTURE A FAVORITE FANTASY straight from your mind….
“Focus on the candle, think of your fantasy, and the magic unfolds. The client also has the option of not thinking of a fantasy at all, letting the magic choose from the unconscious. The stronger that unconscious fantasy, the more likely it is to take precedence during the session, no matter what you actively choose.” At Ruby’s alarmed look, Raina’s tone gentled. “It will be what you want, dove. Don’t worry about that.”
Then, becoming brisk once again, she added, “Don’t use any active magic to force it, because my clients won’t be able to do so. Just the focus of your own desires, where your mind takes you. When you’re ready for it to end, there’s a candle present throughout the session, in one guise or another. Blow it out. But don’t blow it out too soon, or I’ll call you a fat-assed chicken and make you do it all again.”