“Hey.” Gideon reached out, covered her hand on the wheel, brought her gaze to him.
“Nothing"s changed, Anwyn. I"m here for you as long as you need me. This just means when you"re ready to be rid of me, you can really be rid of me. Though the memory thing is pointless—I already know most of the things they"d want wiped, and have for quite a while.” Plus, there was no way in hell anyone was giving him something that took away a single memory of Anwyn.
She pressed her lips together, and her fingers shifted beneath his, overlapping and tangling.
“Yes, I suppose that"s good news. My grocery bills have doubled since you moved in.”
“That"s not my fault. I haven"t been making up the grocery list.” His gaze roved deliberately over her. “Though I will point out, I"m eating for two.”
While Gideon didn"t do much cooking, Anwyn had started to do so. Apparently, it was something she"d used to do, but had gotten out of the habit with the demands of running Atlantis. As well as keeping company with a vampire who didn"t really eat. She seemed to like cooking for Gideon, though, making him things to try, even swapping ideas with Debra, who also liked to cook. It created a familiar domestic respite in their typically unusual and volatile days. He knew Anwyn thought the knotted hardness of his body needed filling out, and he liked the look in her eyes when he ate for her. He hadn"t gained much, not with how much he ran and worked out in Daegan"s weapons room, but he"d made the lines of muscle more sleek, less knotty, and that pleased her.
They didn"t say much for the next little bit. After a thoughtful pause, Brian and Debra had returned to their notes, tactfully avoiding further conversation on the subject. It didn"t matter, since it was now out in the open, but Gideon was glad to see Anwyn was putting it aside for now, trying not to let it spoil the mood. She obviously really wanted to savor being out in the world, Daegan coming home, and Gideon at her side. It gratified him, to hear that he was part of the happiness equation tonight.
Anwyn gave him a sidewise smile, a tiny curl of her pretty lips, then slowed for a light. She lowered her window, perversely liking the warming seats on her delectable ass while she felt the cool air on her face, through her hair. Now she stretched her arm out the window, fanning out her fingers. Several times this week she"d taken the elevator to the roof apartment of Atlantis and sat out by the pool, staring up at the moon and stars, but she really hadn"t experienced fresh air outside the property.
Gideon studied her profile, the firm chin and slim nose, the vibrant blue-green eyes that held so much. He knew the thoughts that moved behind them like ocean waves, liked being immersed in that flow, knowing no matter how happy or sad she was, it helped her for him to be there. He felt so connected to her this way. Even if he left, he wondered if he"d want that reversal of the marking, or if he"d prefer to carry this with him, so that when he was in range, he could have brief glimpses of the deep connection he"d shared with her, despite the abhorrent reason it had all happened.
“Look,” she murmured. Gideon tuned in, followed her glance out the window and stilled at the sight of the butterfly that had landed in her palm. Its wings pumped slowly, just like the dream he"d seen in her mind a couple weeks ago. Then, like now, she brought her fingers slowly up, formed a loose cage around the tiny creature. When she opened them again, the butterfly continued to dry its wings for several pumps before it fluttered off.
“Like your dream,” he murmured. It was a cool night, and though they were in the South, it wasn"t the usual time of year for butterflies. He told himself not to get stupid, but it couldn"t help but make him wonder. Was it all predestined, all he was doing with her? Was he meant to be with her, not just now, but more than now? That word hung on his tongue. Forever. Forever as a vampire"s servant. Forever as Anwyn"s.
But she wouldn"t be his. It wasn"t a two-way street, and that was what he knew kept hanging him up the most. That, and the knowledge that what they"d done with Brian and Debra had been tame next to the stories he"d heard. Anwyn had respected his wishes about Brian, but in mixed company, with more senior vampires, they"d test her by testing what she would do to her servant. She would need a servant absolutely willing to do and be everything she needed him to be, no matter his personal hang-ups. That wasn"t him. Too many years, too many scars.
Way too much history. He could handle someone like Brian, even Daegan, but he knew the types of vampires she would have to meet and play politics with. Vampires like those he"d killed.
On top of that, he"d become a servant to help her, not because he was one. If he had a woman, that woman was his, not someone who could share herself with whomever she liked.
Call him a Neanderthal; that was the way it worked. The bitch of it was, he knew she was it, the one he wanted. There wouldn"t be any more after her. Just more hookers, more brief hookups driven by loneliness and a need to get whatever drops of emotion he could out of the situation. He"d go mad with it.
No. No, he wouldn"t. Because he would take every second he had with her now, burn it into his memory. Not just what she looked like on the outside, but the emotional terrain of her mind, every tear and smile, every quiet or crazy moment. He"d remember all of it, and use it like a monk"s mantra to hold to a vow of loyalty to her.
Did she hear any of that? He wasn"t sure he wanted her to hear it, and was glad when it appeared that she hadn"t, her gaze on the city airport approaching ahead. Damn butterfly was just a fluke of nature, was all.
They entered the terminal drop-off area and brought Debra and Brian to their gate. Gideon got out of the car, helped Debra get their luggage to a sky cap. The equipment was being shipped by a special freight company on to Brian"s next destination, so they carried only their clothes. They packed light. Debra turned to Gideon, smiled up at him. “I didn"t know if I"d like you, but I do. You"re a good man, Gideon. I hope never to see you again.” He blinked, not sure he"d heard her correctly, but she stepped closer, gave him a serious, straightforward look. “Don"t talk yourself into being her servant for longer than you should.
There"s a lot of bad feeling among the servants toward you, particularly about what you did in South America at the Gathering. You won"t be welcomed by them, and believe me, you really need the support of other servants when you get in groups. It can be harsh sometimes, the things that go on. You"re tough, but you"re not cut out to let yourself go the way you need to do to serve her fully.”“I know that.”
She tapped his head. “This knows that.” Her hand settled over his heart. “But this doesn"t.
Good luck.”
“Why don"t you have bad feelings toward me?”
“Maybe because Lord Brian and I aren"t as integrated into that world. We"re a bit of an oddity. And no one I deeply cared about was killed.” She lifted on her toes, slid her arms around his shoulders, squeezed. “Plus, I care very much about your brother, and you look and act too damn much like him. Makes it hard for me to dislike you. You two are like knights from an ancient world, trying to live up to codes of chivalry long gone. Be careful, and be safe.
I"d like to know you"re alive out there. Teach martial arts, go get a job at Disneyland, whatever. Just get out of this as soon as you can, and stop being a vampire hunter. You already know it doesn"t make sense anymore.”
Letting him go, she turned away, joined Brian, leaving him surprised at what she"d noticed, for all that she appeared quiet and completely immersed in her work. But then, her Master was the same way, wasn"t he? Both of them noticing far too damn much.
Having made his good-byes to Anwyn, Brian lifted his hand to Gideon, gave him a courteous nod, a proper good-bye from a vampire to a servant. “I"ll keep Daegan informed about the status on Barnabus.”
Gideon grunted. “If you need someone to go stake his black heart, you don"t need to wait for Daegan. I"ll be happy to do it.”
Brian shook his head, a scientist"s resignation with the unenlightened, which Gideon preferred to call academia-with-its-head-shoved-up-its-ass, but then the vampire nodded once more, gesturing to Debra to head with him into the terminal.
Getting back into the car, Gideon sat silently with Anwyn for a couple of moments, both of them following their progress. Brian"s handsomeness and Debra"s muted appeal were enough to turn heads toward them. Laying a hand on her lower back, Brian guided her past a group of outgoing passengers, rolling their carry-ons behind them.
“I"m going to miss them. Not necessarily because I wanted them to stay longer, though they were lovely houseguests, but because it feels like they were an important moment, something that has to move on, but still needs to be mourned.”
“Yeah. Know that feeling.” Gideon cleared his throat. “How about we head for the private airstrip, go pick up that bloodsucking boyfriend of yours?”
Anwyn nodded, not looking toward him. “Okay.”
It was about midnight when they pulled up to the small airfield. “The only thing that"s landed is a Gulfstream,” Gideon noted.
“That"s his.” Anwyn gave a faint smile at his snort. “Well, he does a lot of traveling for his job.”
“Being the Council"s private assassin pays well.”
She gave him a sidelong glance. “How have you funded your . . . missions?” Gideon"s jaw tightened. She didn"t intend it, but perhaps because of how much he didn"t want her to know, it flashed to the front of his mind, harsh and bright, so she couldn"t overlook it. “You took money from your victims?” Her brow rose.
“They weren"t victims,” Gideon said shortly. “They were vampires. And it"s not like I was using it to buy a fancy plane, or a car that heats my ass for me.”
“That"s true,” she said neutrally. “Though I don"t really know how Daegan got his money. I don"t know if the Council pays him, or if it"s just something that"s expected of him. It"s a pretty feudal society, from what I can tell.”