She nods, "Just like the ones at the retreat."
Jake strolls over, bringing food and water. Anna gives him a look, "I'm fine!"
He gives me a curious look. I nod, "She seems good. She's only two-and-a-half-months pregnant."
He scoffs, "She's seventeen."
Anna points at him. He puts his hands in the air, "Fine."
Sarah rubs her belly, "I'm excited. I can't wait for the baby."
I sigh, "I can't wait until Star finishes getting the solar panels hooked up again. A hot shower is going to be bliss."
Jake nods, "A shower and a flushing toilet."
Anna shakes her head, "I still think we need to go ahead with our plan. I don’t want to be here with all these people."
Sarah frowns, "We can't leave Meg here." Anna nods, "I know, honey, but this place is getting too packed. It's going to become the retreat all over again."
Sarah doesn’t see what was wrong at the retreat. She doesn’t know about the things that were going on behind the scenes. Hell, I barely knew about them. Sarah likes the mansion. She likes having Andy with her, and of course Leo. They spend their time running around the yard. He still favors his leg but he's much better than before.
I glance around at the activity going on. Star is shouting at the people, leading them and directing them. People are carrying wood and dragging poles to build another log house and the barn has been converted into a metal working shop. Jake calls it the smithy; it makes me laugh.
Sully walks out of the house and I catch a glimpse and a smile from Star. Jake leans in to me, "They think they're being so sneaky."
I can't help but love seeing people happy and in love. It makes everything else seem less—less important and scary. I glance at Jake and wish I could see him the way I did before I met Will. Will who took up all the space in my heart.
"Don’t you wish we could all just have a ‘happy ever after’?" Jake and I look at Anna. We don’t say anything. She rubs her belly, "I wish every day Bern coulda known I was pregnant."
Jake sighs and walks off.
I shake my head, "Don’t pay attention to him."
She laughs bitterly, "Bernie would have had the same opinion of us being pregnant. He didn’t even want to have sex with me. He was such a stickler about the age thing—and the Will and Jake being massive thing."
I laugh with her but I'm scared of her having a baby. We barely got through Jake having a cut on his leg and Leo having a bullet wound.
I watch her face change a little and know she's scared too. She gives me an odd look, "Can we just go to the farmhouse? I have this funny feeling we should go there."
I nod, "Yeah. We need to help them decide on a leader. People need a leader."
Her eyes dart at Star, "Star and Sully should stay here and run this. It could be a work farm, just a free one."
I bite my lip and think on it. It makes sense to let them stay here and me, Sarah, Jake, and Anna go to the farmhouse. We wouldn’t overburden the well or the small farmhouse. The fields are ready to be planted again and the farm here has the seed from the camps. We could do it, but the idea of being alone with just the few of us makes me nervous.
Me and Leo alone is nothing but adding them means responsibility.
Against my instincts I nod, "Okay. I'll talk to Star." I turn away and walk to where she's shouting at the crowds. She points at the barn, "All scrap metal in the barn!" She turns and smirks at me, "What am I doing wrong?"
I laugh, "Nothing. I just wanted to ask you something."
She searches my eyes for a second, "What?"
"Would you want to stay here and help them run it or would you rather come with me, Anna, Jake, and Sarah to the farmhouse?"
She scowls, "We just got this place to the way we want it. We have enough people to turn it into a functioning farm, and the solar shit that was stored in the metal bunker is almost done being hooked up. We'll have power in no time."
I nod, "Anna wants to go. I think she's scared of having the baby here with all these people." I glance around discretely.
Star folds her arms, "I guess I can understand that." She looks at everything and then back at me, "But I want to stay. I'm not Star the massage lady, or Star, Marshall's bitch. I like this. I like being me here. Me and Sully can stay but when that baby is born y'all better send word."
I roll my eyes, "It's one day of walking."
She scoffs, "We'll have vehicles up and running by then. The diesel vehicles might be salvageable."
I wince, "Keep that information under wraps. We don’t want everyone to know that."
Her eyes harden, "You should have killed him, Em."
I nod, "I know."
The hard look becomes a sparkle, "Maybe we'll get the chance again."
I laugh, "Maybe. We're gonna head out tomorrow."
She nods, "Okay."
I smirk, "Andy is gonna stay."
She shakes her head, "Screw that."
I nod towards a lady with dark-blonde hair. She's standing in the middle of the yard, holding his little hand and brushing his hair from his eyes.
Star sees it and nods, "I think her baby was one of the ones Marshall took."
I shudder, "He was a sick bastard."
She nods, "Maybe we'll get a chance to kill them too."
I'm sure we look the same as we watch the lady and dream about murdering the baby killers. I still owe that to Meg. I know I abandoned it, but I still remember owing her.
We leave the next day at sunrise. We don’t have much with us; we look like we're going hiking. Star agreed to keep the whole thing quiet for us. Anna had been in the breeder farms and people have strange notions about the breeder babies still. Some of them still believe the propaganda Marshall fed them. Others have seen the ones from the city, the ones our father was experimenting on. The ones he let do whatever they wanted to. I still don’t understand that, letting the city people live in fear of them. Nothing makes sense about my father and the UN story. I wish sometimes I'd tortured answers from him, instead of walking away, but I think maybe he might have felt like I cared about him if I'd wondered. I don’t care about him. I hate that Lenny believed my mother had cheated on him and got pregnant, but I loved that Lenny never let me know I wasn’t his. He kept me alive, the daughter of the enemy, the man who killed the world.
I refuse to be anything but Lenny's daughter. Sarah looks back as we leave the driveway, "We shoulda brought Andy."
I shake my head, "That lady needs him more than we do. We'll be busy enough with the new baby."
"I guess. I just hope he doesn’t forget me." She looks at Leo and walks ahead with him.
Anna nudges me, "She'll be okay."
Jake shakes his head, "She's right. We shot his mom right in front of him; now we're leaving him with some random lady? That's cold. We owe that kid at least our protection."
I don’t look at him, I can't. I can't own what I did there. I can't regret it.
Anna whispers harshly, "She killed Meg, maybe she never pulled the trigger but she got them captured. Screw her. She deserved to die."
Jake gives her a mean stare, "You sound like her." He nudges towards me.
Anna flashes a crazed look, "Good. Thank you."
He shakes his head, looking meaner than ever, "It wasn’t a compliment." He stalks off with Sarah and Leo.
Anna looks at me, "He's sounding more like Will."
I nod and choke down the pain that name brings me.
We walk for a long time without breaking or talking. When we get to the old freeway, me and Leo break off ahead. We run silently and scout. Nothing moves. Somewhere on this stretch of broken road, Lenny's remains lay. I push that thought away and look around for movement.
A high-pitch scream fills the air. I wish I had my bow; a gun will bring more of them. Sarah isn’t immune. We should have grabbed more vaccines from the city before we ruined it. We should have done many things before we ruined it, like save Will and kill my father, before he killed Bernie.
I regret everything.
The high moan comes again. I look back at Jake and Anna and point at the tree to the side of the road. They start climbing. Leo crouches low, giving me a look. I nod and move hunched over, pulling the handguns I took from the weapons stash, from my leg holsters. I listen for the moans, but I hear something else. Leo's ears twitch.
We crawl amongst the old, grown-over wreckage and both stop instantly when we see it.
Horses and men are fighting the infected but not killing them. They're putting them in a cart with a cage on it. The horses are huge, a type of horse I've never seen before. They're shaggy and massive. I don’t really know what to assume about what I'm seeing, but even Leo is stopped, looking stunned. We sit behind an old shell of a truck and watch down the highway, as they get them into the cart and then mount the horses.
They ride, pulling them through the wreckage, away from us. I stay there, crouched and confused for a while. Leo sits and yawns, and I know the danger is gone, but it doesn’t make sense.
I wave at Anna. She brings Sarah and Jake.
"What was it?"
I shake my head, "I don’t know. It was horses with a cart and cage, and men taking the infected alive."
Jake wrinkles his nose, "Maybe they're still trying to find a cure."
I shake my head, "I don’t know." It seems weird. We cross into the forest on the other side of the freeway and make the run I made ten years ago.
It takes us all day to get there, but as we emerge from the woods, we all stop when we see it.
Anna looks at me, "People from the camps?"
I shake my head, not breaking my stare from the cabin with the lights on. Candles must be lit inside making the windows glow. I can see smoke from a fire outside in the yard, between the barn and the house. My heart sinks. My spare bow and quiver are in the barn bunker.