I laugh. I'm not traumatized from the event. I explained what had happened to me when I saw Anna in the center. I know what a virgin is. I know I am not, not technically.
"I feel okay with it. It was bad for a day. I've done worse things in my life."
She accepts it and smiles, "Aint that the truth." She sips the cider and in the firelight.
I forget everything. I let it burn and float away with the ash from the logs.
"So you aint picked one of them brothers? They both like you."
I shake my head, "That's a dilemma."
She giggles, "Not a bad dilemma if you ask me."
I shrug and sit on the log. I hear a twig snap and look to the right where the path is. I laugh instantly. Will is naked. He's holding clothes over his genitals.
"I want my clothes Emma. Now."
"What?"
"You took my clothes." He raises an eyebrow and walks into my tent.
His bare butt almost makes me stop laughing. It's muscled and for a split second I glance at Meg. She makes a biting gesture like it's an apple. I nod and follow him to the tent.
I contemplate for a split second just taking the clothes off and standing naked outside of the tent for everyone to see. I might actually be safer outside naked, than inside and half naked.
I stand there for a second and contemplate my dilemma and how much it just got worse.
Looking down at the outfit, I can't believe I never noticed how huge the clothes I'm wearing are or that they smell just like him.
"Emma. Now." His voice makes me jump and without thinking I step into the tent.
I can't see him in the dark of it. I am grateful. That means he can't seem me either.
I pull the shirt off and hold it out into the darkness. His hand meets mine. I take the clothing in his hand and pull it on. I pull the pants down and feel weird being half naked in front of him. I hold the pants out for him but he pulls me into his naked embrace. My t-shirt is the only thing either of us has on. His hands are on my bare backside.
His lips meet mine. He pulls me up and squeezes the air out of me. His face is buried in my neck. My feet touch the floor of the tent again and his lips drag up and down my throat until he meets my lips again. He sucks and kisses and I feel lost in it all. His tongue meets mine as his hands roam my back and bare bottom. I hear myself moan. My skin is on fire. I don’t even know what I'm supposed to do next. I can feel his body against mine and I know what he wants to do next. I panic and push him away.
He laughs a throaty laugh, "You're a little tease. It's only going to last so long."
I stumble back and quickly pull my pants on. My body feels funny. My pants feel tight and constricting. I feel weird about his hot and cold routine. My brain instinctively reminds me of the girl in the short shorts kissing him.
"I don’t want to be a notch on someone's belt Will." I walk out of the tent and feel proud of myself. I love when I can use lines from granny's romance novels. It feels like she handed the wisdom down to me through the books.
I don’t actually get the image of notching a belt every time you make love to someone but Will is exactly like the roguish men in granny's novels. He is too good looking and cocky.
I want to be the virginal bride who falls for the right guy. The guy like Jake. Honest and loyal and fun and sweet.
I stand at the fire and let the heat seep into me.
Meg glances up and smiles, "That tent's been awfully busy lately."
I frown at her, "Remember you're fifteen, please. You aren’t twenty-five."
She shrugs, "Aint no one getting to no twenty-five Emma. We gotta live for today and enjoy what we got right now. Two months ago I had a momma. Now I got you. I'm grateful. Even if you are a pain in the ass."
I snort at her.
Sarah walks up and snuggles into my arm. I think about the creepy guy who got his dirty old man claws into Meg and I whisper in her ear, "You stay with me or Meg or Mary or Anna at all times okay?"
She glances up at me and nods, "Okay."
"Don’t go in the woods or tents with anyone you don’t know or any men. Men are the devil."
She responds with a shiver and a cuddle. I should probably follow that advice as well.
"I like Will and Jake." I hug her tighter and walk to the bonfire. Jake is already playing the guitar. Apparently they're a musical family. Anna is sitting on a log waiting for me. When I sit she passes me a glass of cider. It tastes like it has liquor added to the already strong cider.
Will carries his guitar over and sits beside Jake. They smile at each other. Will joins in and starts singing. Their fingers move fast. Meg smacks a tambourine.
"This was our dad's favorite song. Group called The Lumineers. They were huge in 2012. Dad and Jake and Will saw them live in Denver." Will's voice is perfect for the song. He and Jake sing shouting something about Ho and Hey. I am in love with them and how big they make my world feel.
People are dancing around the fire and drinking. I feel like I'm camping not hiding in the woods as the word falls apart.
Chapter Nineteen
I watch Sarah and Leo splashing around the swimming hole. Her dog paddle matches his.
Jake sits next to me, "You avoiding me?"
Heat creeps up my cheeks, "No. I just, you know. I just, well. No."
I am an idiot.
He laughs, "You are. I'm sorry I kissed you that day. If I'd known you were going to get weird I wouldn’t have done it."
I glance at him without taking my eyes off Sarah and Leo, "Don't be sorry. I'm glad you kissed me."
His goofy smile makes my face hotter. His eyes make me happy. He's sweet and honest and I love him. I know I do.He leans in to kiss me but I pull back and look at Sarah, "Not in front of her."
He looks down, "Sorry. I forgot you're a role model now."
The idea of it makes me laugh, "Yes. Either there is no god at all or he has a great sense of humor."
Sarah splashed Leo and he swims to the shore. He shakes and splashes dog water on us. I put my hands out as if they will stop the flood of raindrops being fired at us. He makes his silly wolf face and shakes once more.
"You little brat."
He pads to where I am and lies in the sun.
Sarah swims to the flat rock and looks at us. Her blue eyes sparkle in the sun like Jakes.
"You guys kind of look related." She says.
I look at Jake and raise an eyebrow.
He wraps an arm around me, "Maybe one day we will be. By marriage."
I squirm out of his arms, "You're a goof."
Anna comes down the path. "Hey guys."
She pulls her shirt off and her pants down. She jumps in the water. A flash of beige underwear and a white tank top fill my view.
Jake covers his eyes, "It burns. It burns. Why don’t the villagers knit swimsuits? Jesus."
Anna laughs and splashes us. "Yeah because I would wear knitted undies moron."
She swims in a circle and smiles at me. "I love this place."
"It's pretty awesome." I say.
"Are we staying here?" Sarah asks and pulls herself up onto the rock. She lies next to Leo in the sun. I can tell by the shift in his position that Jake is uncomfortable. Underwear isn’t great coverage.
I look at the water and nod slowly, "You and Anna and Meg are. I have to go and free the women from the breeder camps."
Jake looks back at me. He disapproves. "You aren’t doing anything that involves that place."
I look at him but don’t bother starting an argument. I know what I have to do.
I turn to Sarah and smile. "It is amazing here. We are lucky."
"Jake you and Will are amazing musicians."
His cheeks redden. "Yeah dad was big on music. Only miss thang over there and mom were non-musical. Me and dad and Will were always playing instruments."
Sarah grins at him, "Can you teach me?"
He nods. "Yeah maybe I can teach you and Emma at the same time. You know this week sometime."
I glance at Jake and try to ignore his incredibly long eyelashes or grin, "I'm going up."
He stands awkwardly. His leg is still not one hundred percent. "I'll come with you."
"Anna can you hang with Sarah and make sure she doesn’t drown?"
"Yup."
Jake takes my hand in his and pulls me up the hill. "Want to take a nap like the one we had on the couch at the farmhouse?"
I chuckle, "No I want to find out what the capabilities are of the camps. We're going to need help."
He kisses my hand, "I think the nap is a great way to brainstorm."
I grimace at his lips on my hand, "I don’t know the last time I washed that."
He spits on the ground, "You are the least tactful person I've ever met."
I grin, "I was raised by wolves. What do you expect?"
He laughs and pulls me into his arms. He presses his lips against mine and guilt rips through me. I push on his chest and think about his brother's lips against mine only days before.
He looks hurt, "Is there something I should know about? Something with you and Will?"
I shake my head, "No." It's a lie. I know this but my lips speak before my brain can think. I can't bear the thought of hurting him.
He kisses me softly, "I think there is."
I close my eyes. I feel like I might cry, "I need to save the world before I can have this conversation." I can feel his lips curl into a smile against mine.
"Let them all kill each other. Stay here with me."
I open my eyes and let the few tears that have built up drip down my cheeks, "I can't."
He looks hurt again, "You mean you won't."
I bite my lip, "Does it matter? I can't leave them there."
He shakes his head, "You've changed Emma. You never cared for anything and now you care about everything. You pick up strays every time you go out there."