I shiver, feeling his large body pressed behind me. I swallow and shake my head, the fear of being alone with him, of being caught by someone walking into the kitchen, and of wanting him so much makes me dizzy. I place both of my hands on the countertop for support.
“I—we’re not together anymore,” I breathe.
Slowly, he places both of his hands on top of mine, caging me between his arms. “Did he get bored of you?” he drawls.
“No …” I know I should turn around and walk away from Ronan, breaking his spell on me, but it’s impossible. He owns me even after all this time. “It’s not like that. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I l—”
“Quiet.” He pushes me against the countertop, the edge digging into my stomach. “I can’t think when I’m around you,” he hisses.
“There’s so much that I have to explain …”
“What do you want from me?” he whispers harshly in my ear. “Why is it every time I think I’m moving on and things seem to be going well, you come back into my life and fuck with everything? Reminding me of what I can’t have?”
Cursing, he presses his lips on my jaw and begins to trace a path down my throat and up my neck, raising goose bumps all over my body. Fear mingles with excitement. Yearning with reality. Want with need.
He thrusts his fingers past the waistline of my jeans and underwear, finding me. “But I don’t give a fuck anymore.” He begins an assault on all my senses with his touch, making me moan with pleasure. “Always so responsive. Did you react to him like this, huh?”
It’s the emotionless way that he speaks to me and how cold his voice sounds that breaks the hypnotic hold that he has over me. It’s as though he’s here physically, touching me, making me his, punishing me while his heart remains untouched. I push myself away from the counter and spin on my feet until we’re staring at each other.
“What’s wrong with you?” I wrap my arms around me to stop myself from shaking, feeling so dirty. “What’s fucking wrong with me?”
He chuckles amusingly.
“You were never this cruel, Ronan,” I cry.
The laughter leaves his face and it’s replaced by a quiet fury that burns in his eyes. He leans down until our mouths almost touch and our breaths fuse as one. “You. You are what is wrong with me,” He lifts a hand about to touch me, but pulls it back, clenching it into a fist. “I want to know how to live without you,” he utters angrily, his brown gaze stormy. “But I don’t fucking know how.”
I take a step forward about to reach for him. “Ronan …”
“I thought that I saw him walk in here …” Elly says as loud as possible, alerting us to their approach.
Ronan and I both put as much space between us as we see Rachel and Elly enter the kitchen. Unable to look at them, I excuse myself and leave the room in a hurry, without taking another glance.
Ronan
“It’s a beautiful night.”
I glance back to find Rachel reclined against the doorframe, looking perfect in a cream cashmere turtleneck and trousers of the same color. I command my fucking heart to beat, to feel something, anything at the sight of her beautiful face, but it does nothing. It remains as calm as it always has been.
“Yeah.” I put out my cigarette and lean on the wooden handrail. “Come here, beautiful.”
“The house is so quiet.” Rachel steps onto the porch and walks straight into my arms, hugging my torso. “It seems we’re the only two people who didn’t go to the bar after dinner.”
I run a hand over her back, feeling her slight tremble under my touch. “Did you want to go? We can probably still catch up with them.”