Understanding lit in her eyes. “You were apologizing at the wedding.”
A huff of frustration left me. “Trying.”
She nodded absentmindedly. “Well if you hated me and let me know, I don’t think I’d give you a chance to apologize. I still don’t know why Harlow forgave you and Graham for the way you both treated her.” Before I could try to defend myself, she continued. “Okay then. Second, what is the ‘this’ that you mentioned? What has your hatred turned into?”
I looked back up to the darkened ceiling. “Something I don’t understand,” I said after a second, but the confession sounded more like an accusation. “Something I’m not okay with.”
“Why?”
“I already said it, Grey. It’s Charlie.”
I felt her studying me for a long time before she looked up at the ceiling as well. “Is that really it, or is it the fact that for the first time, you’re actually falling for someone, and that scares you?”
“Falling for—no. I’m just—”
“Falling for her.”
“Confused,” I argued, my voice bordering on a growl.
“You’ve spouted off a list of what sounds like your reasons why you shouldn’t be with her. You came storming in and shoved Jagger out of your way to get to her tonight, and looked defeated on your way out.” She paused, then reiterated. “Defeated, Deacon. I’ve never seen you look like that in my life. You’re Deacon Carver, nothing can bring you down, let alone defeat you.”
I was rethinking my love for Grey. She was too perceptive. Too right.
“But a conversation with Charlie did,” she added softly. “I’m not going to pretend to understand what’s going on, and I’m not going to tell you that I’m okay with it. Because even though I’m here right now with you, I know that you have the capability of breaking her heart. She doesn’t need her heart broken again after how hard she fought to put it back together after Ben.”
I ran my free hand through my hair, gripping at it as I did. “I don’t want—” I cut off with a growl. “I don’t want her heart, Grey. I don’t want her in that way. I just . . . I just want her out of my goddamn head.”
Silence engulfed the room again for a long while before Grey sat up and spun around so she was facing me. “I’ll let you keep denying everything to yourself after I leave, but know this: you can’t have it both ways. Charlie isn’t someone who falls in and out of a bed. Charlie is a girl who falls into arms and stays there. So this girl you ditched her for—”
“Girls,” I corrected, my throat thick. Revulsion churned my stomach.
Shock covered Grey’s face and quickly morphed into disappointment.
The front door opened, stopping Grey from speaking, and Graham came walking in with a satisfied look on his face. He did a double take when he spotted us, and walked back a step to flip on the light in the living room.
“What the hell, man? She’s married and has a kid!”
Grey rolled her eyes without looking back at her brother.
I didn’t have it in me to mess with him tonight.
“Does Jagger know you’re here?” Graham demanded as he walked up on us.
“Yes, Graham, he does, and I’m sure he’s totally worried about what’s happening since he let me come alone.”
Graham mumbled something about Jagger needing to keep an eye on Grey, then said louder, “Hey, is Charlie okay?”
The second her name left him, my attention shifted from Grey to Graham, my jaw clenched as I thought of the way Graham seemed to always go after Charlie lately.
Grey’s brow tightened in confusion as she looked up at her brother. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, it seemed like there’s something bothering her.”
“Wh—”
Suspicion flooded me and leaked out when I spoke. “When did you see her?” I asked quickly, cutting Grey off.
Graham gestured over his shoulder, as if Charlie would be standing in our entryway. “Just now at Bonfire.”
Before either of us could respond, Graham pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket, and slowly started backing out of the room as that same satisfied smile covered his face.
I didn’t hear him answer the call, my mind was racing, trying to figure out if there was a key word I had missed just now, or earlier when I’d seen Charlie.
Grey’s wide eyes came back to me again, and this time, the silence between us felt strained and awkward.
Like the times I’d seen Charlie with Graham in the previous weeks, my blood felt white-hot as it pulsed through my veins. I gritted my teeth against the surge of anger that flared up. The feeling so foreign and sickening.
Jealousy.
I was jealous.
Of my best fucking friend.
“Would she . . .” I began, but didn’t continue.
Grey looked at me helplessly. “I’m not sure. Before she came home from college, I would’ve sworn that she would have never been involved with either of you. But I saw her tonight, and she has asked me about Graham.”
Shock hit me as fast as the jealousy had.
“How’s it feel, Deac? How does it feel knowing a girl can hurt you like this?” Disappointment and sympathy and sorrow swirled in her eyes. “I don’t know what happened between you two when you got to the warehouse tonight, but I saw what your actions did to Charlie today. Remember that you can hurt her, remember that you have. Think hard about what you want, and if you decide to go for what you’ve never had, know that you are not allowed to hurt her again like you did today.”
I ground my teeth to keep from saying anything, and nodded.
My phone chimed twice from wherever I’d dropped it next to me, and Grey used the distraction to stand up and move away from me.
“I mean it, Deacon, think really hard about what you want from her, and the consequences that come with that decision. I’ll only help you out with Jagger this once. If you do it again, I’ll let him come visit you afterward.”
I nodded again, and scrambled up to walk her out. When she was stepping out of the house, I asked, “Do you think this is all I can be?”
Grey slowly lifted an eyebrow in question.
“This, how people know me now. Is that all I will ever be to everyone else?”
The confusion left her face and was replaced by a smirk. “A man-whore?”