Again, a title that would have normally had me feeling damn proud of myself left me irritated.
“No, Deac. But that’s all you’ll be until you’re ready to force them to see something different.” She took slow steps backward, and shrugged. “Knox did it, I have no doubt that you can too, just like I have no doubt that Graham will be trying to do it soon too.”
A dent formed between my brows. Suspicion, confusion, jealousy, anger—everything I wasn’t used to, and everything I hated when it came to my friends. “Graham? Why?”
Another shrug. “There have been more than a few times in the last couple years when Graham and I have talked about hypothetical scenarios, and somehow he always ends up with a girl he grew up with. I’ve just been waiting to find out which girl these not-so-hypothetical scenarios are about.” She pointed to the house, and said warily, “Unless that conversation was my first clue.”
My hand curled around the door frame.
“Night, Deacon.”
Once Grey was in her car and pulling out of the driveway, I had to force myself not to go talk to Graham about whether or not he’d been out with Charlie, or had just run into her with her date. I was too pissed off to talk to him rationally, and I was too confused to understand why I needed to know at all.
I started walking toward my room when my phone caught my eye where I’d left it on the floor of the living room. I felt my frustration seep away when I saw the name on the notification screen.
Words: I’m here.
Words: Are you okay?
I had no fucking clue if I was okay, but I knew I needed her and needed this. I didn’t know what to think about the fact that just seeing her name on my phone could instantly make me forget about everything that had happened today, but I was thankful for it.
Yeah, just need you. I don’t know how, but I’ve somehow missed talking to you since this morning.
Words: Those are dangerous words, Stranger.
But it’s true. My day . . . Christ, everything in it feels wrong and goes wrong without you.
Words: Don’t. Don’t say that. What you’re saying does dangerous things to my heart.
Heart. There was that word again.
The thought that I had the capability of doing anything to Charlie’s heart made me feel uneasy—wrong. Because not only was I not the kind of guy who had anything to offer to her, but I had a feeling that I wouldn’t know how to stop hurting her if I had her.
With Words, it didn’t feel so dangerous. She knew what she was getting with me, and I knew she wouldn’t willingly put her heart anywhere close enough for me to touch.
Words . . .
How do you have me rethinking everything I thought I wanted, and wanted to stay away from?
Words: . . . There you go being dangerous again.
Words: Say it.
Words: Say it before you ask me for something I can’t give you.
What do you want me to say?
Words: That you’re okay with keeping us strangers because you know it would ruin everything if we weren’t, and you’re afraid of losing what we have.
So what exactly are you saying you can’t give me?
Words: Stranger . . .
Despite the way I craved having Words directly in front of me, I did a great job of fucking up things in person without even trying, and had no doubt I would do the same with her.
And she was right: after tonight especially, I knew I wasn’t ready to lose this.
I blew out a slow sigh as I fell onto my bed, and tapped out my response.
I’m starting to think it’s necessary for us. But I think I would lose more than you if this ended. You would probably be happy to get some sleep.
I’d gladly lose sleep for the rest of my life if it meant listening to you.
Words: My heart . . .
Words: Damn you, Stranger.
Words: I thought you weren’t going to sweep me off my feet. A guy who doesn’t believe in love shouldn’t be allowed to be as romantic as you are.
My mouth curved up in a bemused grin as I reread what I’d sent her so far this evening. Not once had I tried to be romantic, I was just being honest for the first time in too long.
But her reactions to my honesty? Yeah, I fucking liked those.
My apologies?
Words: Don’t apologize.
Wasn’t sincere anyway. ;)
Words: You were wrong, by the way. About who would lose more.
Really.
Words: My entire life has revolved around words and love. In less than two weeks, a man who doesn’t believe in the latter has destroyed the way I view relationships and myself, and raised the bar incredibly high for any man who comes into my life in the future. And after such a short time, I’m dreading the day you walk out of my life.
I stared at her message for a long time, just reading it over and over again. Absorbing every word and the meanings behind them.
Words . . .
You and your words . . .
Unable to stop myself, I tapped out the words that were so desperate to be said, even though I knew no matter how real our conversations felt, she never would be.
Walk away from you? I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.
If anything, you should be waiting for the day I decide to finally find you.
Words: . . .
Words: I dare you.
Chapter Twelve
Charlie
June 15, 2016
“GRAHAM, HONEY, I’M so glad you were here to help today. I was thinking about Caroline—”
Graham’s face pinched with irritation as his mom stepped up beside us that next Wednesday. “Mom, no. No Caroline, no Melissa. No more lists of girls.” He jerked his hand away when his mom tried to put a piece of paper in it. “I don’t want her number. One of these times I’m just going to show up with a girl so you’ll stop doing this.”
Mrs. LaRue sighed. “Well she can’t be just any girl you found on the street.”
“She won’t be, Mom, Christ. I’ll probably have known her my entire life. This is Thatch. As much as I love talking to you about all the girls you want me to settle down with, I need to finish talking to Charlie about the house.”
His mom kissed me on the cheek and squeezed my shoulder. “We’re going home. Enjoy your new place, sweetie!” Before I could thank her, she turned her thoughtful gaze on Graham. “Known her your whole life, huh? That narrows down my lists.”
“I didn’t mean—Mom, I still have to find her—you know what? Never mind. Yes, go narrow down your lists.” Graham let out a slow breath when the door shut, then dug in his pocket to produce a ring of keys for me. “Here, before I forget to give these to you.”