“You remember how Daegan said he didn"t make you his servant because he figured out asking you to be what you couldn"t be would destroy what he loved most about you?” She nodded, surprised he knew that. It made her realize anew how much he"d understood from her mind that she hadn"t revealed directly. “Well, when I left, I was pissed, and thought you were asking me to be what I wasn"t. But eventually I figured out that you never would have asked . . . demanded it”—he swallowed—“if you hadn"t known that"s actually what I am.
What I wanted to be.”
She wondered if her heart could swell to the point it could hurt her rib cage, because her chest was aching at the look on his face, his eyes trained on the ground between her feet.
“When it came down to it, I don"t think I let you send me away because I didn"t want to be your servant. It was because if I finally had a real reason to live, I"d have to deal with all this other shit, the stuff that"s been rolling around in my gut like a cancer for so long it feels like that acid is part of me. I don"t know how to fix it, what to do. And that scares the shit out of me, because I might never be enough for you.”
He lifted his baffled gaze back to her. Anwyn was frozen, seeing something she"d never thought she"d see in Gideon"s face. Long ago, tight, stingy tears had squeezed out when he"d spoken of Laura, the love he"d lost. But now his eyes were brimming full. As she watched, the tears broke free like a dam held back too long, tightening his face in anguish. It was the boy of long ago, who"d lost so much, surging forward.
“I"m so fucking scared of loving someone again with every part of myself, and yet it"s too late. I"ve already done it. I know it sounds stupid, but I really thought I"d never have to risk that again. That I was done with it. Jacob, what he became. Laura. All of it hurt worse than anything to have that taken away from me, and now I can"t . . . I need your help. I need you to love me.” He drew a deep, shuddering breath, bowed his head, and whispered it, staring at the floor. “Both of you. But I don"t know how to ask or give, or do anything but stand here and fucking beg for something I don"t even understand, that I may not even know how to do anymore. I want to belong to you. Both of you.”
A hard shudder went through his body. In a moment that seemed to move in slow motion, he sank to one knee, then the other. Anwyn couldn"t bear it. In the next blink, she had her arms around his great shoulders, head bent over his. The second she touched him, his arms flew around her, almost as fast as a vampire would have done. He banded them so tightly around her he might have hurt her if she had human bones. As he buried his face into her midriff, that dam completely shattered. Hiding his shame in her soft, womanly flesh, he couldn"t hold back too many years of loss and blood. They crashed over him, wracking him so violently even her strength couldn"t hold him steady.
But Daegan"s could. He was here, crossing the room toward them swiftly. Anwyn was glad, because she was pretty sure she was about to shatter as well. She couldn"t bear the thought of this moment being lost to a seizure.
We are both here, cher. He put his hand on her face, against her neck, steadying her, as he brought the warmth of his presence behind Gideon"s kneeling form. Those devils in your mind have no power over this moment.
We’ll kick their ass if they even try. I’ve been playing a lot of arcade games.
She choked on a sob, realizing she"d dropped her defenses without even thinking about it.
Her subconscious knew it was okay, that she didn"t have to shut Gideon out anymore. Oh, how she"d missed having him in her mind, and she wondered that anyone could ever find it invasive and unwelcome, to have that intertwined mind-to-mind connection. The pleasure of it seared through her, a sacred experience.
Daegan put his hands on Gideon"s shoulders, knelt behind him, laying his jaw on Anwyn"s hands and against Gideon"s skull, holding him steady between them. Which was why she got to see the brief shock cross Daegan"s face when Gideon at last drew breath to say more.
“I want your permission . . . I want Daegan to third-mark me, too. I want to close the circle.
The way it should be.”
Daegan curled his hand in Gideon"s hair, tightened so he had to drop his head back to look at the other male. Gideon resisted, still embarrassed, but Anwyn took the silken corner of her robe, pressed away his tears. Then she leaned down, kissing the rest away before brushing his mouth, just a taste of what she wanted to devour. Gideon felt the same way, but anticipating it, Daegan"s grip tightened so his Mistress could sample and tease.
She felt it descend, that delicious emotional power joining forces with the overwhelming physical needs of three people. Needs that hadn"t been fully met for nearly two months. She and Daegan had never been more in sync, in their absolute ravenous hunger for the man who"d just given himself to them. Whether he knew it or not, he was making it worse, because their usually laconic hunter was still talking.
“I want things I never thought about wanting. I don"t really care . . . that you"re male.” He dared a glance over his shoulder this time, before staring back at Anwyn"s midriff. “That"s not what it"s about. But it"s as if something happened deeper than the bodies, and now—hell, I don"t look at any other guy and want his dick, but I want everything about you, including that.
It"s damn confusing to me. I want to give you something of myself, the way I give to Anwyn. I want to feel you . . . Shit, damn, fuck, I sound like an idiot. Let me up.” Gideon tried to pull away from them both, but he"d given away his choices. His Mistress and Master, eager to seize them, were now determined to teach him what he claimed not to know. Daegan took advantage of his surprise to kiss his mouth, fisting his hand in his shirt.
Gideon"s passion-starved body responded instantly, his strong hand curling around Daegan"s wrist, as if to throw him off, but he didn"t. Instead, he held on, a growl in his throat as Daegan flicked his tongue back out over his lips, slid his hand down to cup him with blatant demand.
“You want to feel me inside you, the way she is inside you,” the vampire finished for him.
“That intimate connection that says I have had your body as thoroughly as she has.” Tell him, Gideon. Anwyn met his midnight blue eyes, knowing her look could strip him even more bare, though she"d never seen him so emotionally naked.
Gideon wouldn"t loosen his grip on her waist, but he did shift and let go of Daegan"s wrist so he could look at the male vampire more directly, summoning a warrior"s courage. “You remember the night we went to the tasting and you told me about Laura?” The vampire nodded. “I shouldn"t have told you then.”
“No.” Gideon shook his head. “In the beginning, it pissed me off, something else you"d handled far better than I could have.”
“But now you saved my life, and you"re feeling a bit more smug about yourself.”
“No. I guess now . . . I just feel like . . .” Gideon shrugged, uncomfortably, and would have risen, but Daegan put a hand on his shoulder, fingers near his throat, caressing him there.
“You can tell me anything, Gideon. In a matter of moments, I"ll be in your mind, your soul.
It would mean a great deal to me if you gave me the gift of your trust now.” He gave him an implacable look. “Tell me.”
“You know, it still freaks me out, the way I feel when either one of you does that.” Gideon didn"t say what “that” was, but it was there in his mind, and on his face. The way it felt when they commanded him.
“Yes, it unsettles you. And arouses you. And makes you glad to belong to us, no matter how that also discomforts you. We"re glad you belong to us, Gideon. Tell me.” Gideon looked down, then made himself meet Daegan"s gaze again. “It makes me feel like you were looking out for me, even then. Like my dad, or older brother, or . . . Shit. I don"t know what to call it. I wish it could have been me, but you made sure he wouldn"t take anyone else"s Laura. Thank you.”
Daegan paused a long moment, and Anwyn felt her own throat tighten at what she read in both of their faces. “While it was not my motive then, I think I might do anything for you, Gideon Green. You and Anwyn.”
It was a powerful admission, a quid pro quo, and Daegan did it with unwavering resolve, making it clear how significant a statement it was. Gideon tightened his jaw, lifted his hand and closed it over Daegan"s forearm again.
“Same goes. Well, except maybe shining those fancy shoes you have. Or ironing your shirts, or wiping your—”
“I"d let you stake me first.”
Gideon gave a half chuckle, then mortified himself further when his voice broke. This time it was Daegan who embraced him, palming his head to hold him against his heart.
Anwyn had seen the vampire be tender with her before, but it moved her more than she could say, to see him use that gentleness on Gideon now. Knowing it was likely to be gone in a matter of seconds, she filed the picture away in her heart to savor as only a woman could.
“For so long you felt alone, watching out for others,” the vampire murmured into the crown of his head. “Now you have both of us. Just as we have you.”
Then Daegan pulled back, made Gideon look at him with two immovable hands on either side of his head. “As far as what I am to you, you know exactly what to call me.”
“Let go, you bullying asshole,” Gideon muttered weakly.
Daegan ignored him. “I have been alone most of my life as well, Gideon, until you and Anwyn made me feel like I belonged to a family. You both give me that. Now give me the greatest gift of all. Let me hear you say it, and then you can touch us, take your fill of both of us, the way you wish, with no condemnation of yourself.”
“I don"t know . . .” Gideon cleared his throat, put his eyes back on the ground at their feet, because his cheeks were burning. “I do better when it"s the two of you taking your fill of me.” Everything about this was a dreamlike haze, something that had overwhelmed him in imagination for so long, and here he was. In this whole new place, scared shitless as he said.