Sinking back down on my bed, I held the box with care. It caused me agony just to touch it knowing what was inside. There was no doubt or question that what it held was true. Looking up at Steel, I knew that I wasn’t just going to end any hope he had of a future with Dixie, but that every memory he had of our father would also be altered forever. The same as mine had been.
“I never deserted her. Never stopped loving Dixie.” I spoke, then lifted the lid. “Steel, I found this three years ago. I didn’t intend to share it. But I also never planned on one of my brothers falling in love with my girl.” I then shook my head. “She’s not my girl. She can’t be my girl.” Reaching into the box, I removed the letters, the paper folded and unfolded so many times, the edges were worn from the handling. “This is why she can’t be your girl either,” I said, holding the letters out to my brother.
Steel was watching me with fear in his eyes, as if he’d understood the truth before he even looked inside. “What’s this?” he asked, his voice shaky, unsure.
“It’s the reason why I left her. The reason I can’t have her. Why you can’t have her either.”
Steel opened the first letter. I couldn’t watch him as he read it. I dropped my head into my hands and waited in silence. His world was going to be forever changed. Just as mine had been. And I was powerless to save him from the pain.
All the letters, but one, were written by Dixie’s mother. In each she tells the man she is writing how much she loves and misses him. She begs him to take her away from her life so that they can start a new one together. The passion in her words would’ve been moving, if not for the fact that each and every one was addressed to my own father. A man I had once admired. A man whose name I had been proud to bear. A man I had mourned when he died. A man who’d deceived us all.
“This is . . .” Steel said with effort, before I felt the mattress sink beside me, as Steel sat down with a sigh. “I just can’t . . .” he muttered and coughed.
“Keep reading,” I told him as the acid in my throat burned.
I’d memorized the last letter she had written to him. Every word was branded on my brain.
Vance,
I won’t keep writing these letters to you. Not if you’re going to continue ignoring me. I don’t agree with the words you said. I believe we can have happiness together. This child inside me deserves us both. It will be a part of you just as those boys are. You said you loved me. You said being with me made you feel young again. Complete. You said complete. But now, I’m carrying your child and you won’t speak to me. Is it because she’s pregnant again? I know she’s your wife but I have a husband too. One I’m willing to walk away from. One I’m willing to leave for you.
Does that mean I love you more? Because I’m willing to tell him the truth? That I love you. That this child inside me is yours. Proof that the passion we have for each other is worthy of a chance. I won’t keep you from your boys. I know you love them as you should. But you don’t love their mother. You love me. I know that.
Be with me, Vance. Fix the mistakes of our past. We messed up all those years ago by going our separate ways. My heart has been yours since I was fifteen. It will always be. Don’t leave me. Don’t turn your back on our child. That would destroy me.
I love you forever and always,
Millie
My father cheated on my mother.
Dixie was my sister.
The sickness slammed into me again, the words in that letter replaying in my head. I’d made love to Dixie. I’d been inside her and it was like heaven. I’d never experienced anything like it again. Yet, it had been sick and wrong.
“Did you show these to Mom?” Steel asked. His voice sounded strained. I understood what he was going through.
“No. And I never will,” I replied, dropping my hands into my lap and looking over at my brother.
He was staring straight ahead at the wall with the letters clasped tightly in his hands. “He was a bastard. A lying bastard,” Steel said, his pain heavy on each and every word, emphasizing what he was feeling.
“Yeah, he was,” I replied. I wasn’t going to argue that. He had also allowed another man to raise his child as his own. These letters were all dated months before Dixie’s birth. Before Steel’s. How could he do that? The final letter was one from my dad. It had erased any doubt I might have had about the truth. Dad claimed Dixie was his, but he’d said he loved us more. He wanted my mother and his boys. He couldn’t leave us and he’d told her she needed to let him go. Her child would be Luke Monroe’s. The man I knew to be Dixie’s father.
There wasn’t another letter after that. Not in this box at least. Dixie’s mother had run off when Dixie was a toddler, leaving Luke to raise her alone. When Dixie had been five, Luke Monroe remarried a woman named Charlotte, who adored and cherished Dixie, eventually becoming the mother Dixie never had, and although Charlotte loved her fiercely, Dixie had always wondered about her birth mother, even planned on finding her one day. She longed to know why she had left her.
I never wanted her to find Millie Monroe. I hoped the woman was dead and had taken this secret with her to the grave. Dixie could never know. She’d had too much loss and pain in her life. It was why I’d suffered on my own. To protect her. Always to protect her.
“Why didn’t you tell her?” Steel asked.
I turned to Steel, studied his face, the hurt and disbelief visible in his eyes, as he realized his world was slowly crumbling. But I also saw that he wasn’t putting her first. He wasn’t focused on protecting Dixie from this ugly secret.
“Because I would die to shield her from this kind of pain,” I replied. Because I love her more than you ever could. I didn’t say those last words aloud, but we both knew they were true.
“I can’t tell her, can I, Asher? You aren’t going to let me explain? I have to hurt her like you did?”
I stood and moved away from him. I needed some distance between us. He was thinking about himself first, and not her. That infuriated me the most. Steel had planned on making a life with her, yet he wasn’t willing to sacrifice his happiness for Dixie’s.
“The pain you’ll cause her by breaking it off with her is nothing compared to the kind of pain . . . Steel, I made love to her. I’ve been inside her . . . took her innocence . . . and, dammit, I’m her brother! That’s fucked with my head ever since . . . ripping me in two . . . sickening me . . . crushing me again and again. Because, I never stopped loving her.”
Steel sat and stared at me silently. Several minutes passed as he mused. I waited for him to argue with me, but he didn’t say a word.
Finally, he rose, and held the letters out to me. “I won’t tell her. I won’t tell anyone,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I love her, too . . . fuck, this is sick. Does Luke not know? He’s let us both date her. Hell, I’ve asked her to marry me.”
I shook my head. “Of course he doesn’t know. He woulda never let us date Dixie. This whole fucked up shit happened because the only two people who knew are now gone forever.”
I took the letters and held them away from me, what they said so deplorable, it was hard to even grasp them. “How am I supposed to hurt her?” Steel sounded so torn. I’d been where he was. Wanting to explain it all to Dixie. Every time she looked at me with those big sad eyes, I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, but it was wrong, the entire thing twisted. This would only hurt her worse. She adored Luke Monroe. Not only would telling her mess her head up, but it would take away the security of knowing her daddy loves her. It would likely destroy Dixie.