“This will kill her, Steel. You know that,” I said in a timid, lost voice.
He shook his head and then buried his face in both hands as we both stood there in silence. I understood what he was feeling. I’d lived it every day. Missing Dixie with every breath I took. This wasn’t going to get easier for him. But Dixie would eventually heal and find happiness. That was all I had to hold onto. Knowing one day she’d get the life she deserved and all the fucking joy in the world. My girl belonged in the sunshine. This sick twisted darkness had been mine to suffer through, and now my brother would share it with me.
Steel turned to leave. I didn’t stop him. I knew he needed time and space. Being alone was best for now. I stood there listening to his footsteps as he walked away from this room, these letters . . . knowing he would have to hurt her in order to save her from harm. Again, she’d suffer because of this sin, never knowing why it was happening.
“Be gentle with her! Please!” I yelled, unable to stop myself.
Steel paused at the top of the stairs. “Nothing about this is gentle. I don’t know how I could be gentle.”
Once I knew, I hadn’t been able to even look at her. There were so many things I should’ve done differently. She deserved more from me than what I’d given her. “Hold her when she cries,” I said. More than anything else I wished I’d done that, instead of just walking away and letting her suffer alone.
Kissing Dixie was the moment. That moment I didn’t know could exist. But sitting in my truck outside my house after taking her home made me realize I’d finally found it. She was it. I didn’t care about any other girls. Wasn’t interested in ever touching another one again. Not after that kiss and the way she looked at me, the same thoughts and feelings I was experiencing reflected in the depths of her beautiful eyes.
Focusing on how right this felt was easier than thinking about the age difference. Or the fact her dad was probably going to beat my ass. Shooting me was also an option. But love made you crazy and fearless, and none of that seemed important to me right now.
The driver’s side door jerked open. “What the fuck you sitting out here for? I got a piece of ass waiting on me and I need to go. Get out!” Bray’s usual annoyed look was plastered on his face.
“It’s past curfew,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, well, Momma is in bed and you kept the motherfucking wheels all evening. How am I supposed to go get some pussy if you’ve got the truck?”
“Jesus, Bray!” He had very little respect for females. A sex addict through and through. He was also insensitive and harsh. I wasn’t sure why females loved him. Brent looked just like him, but was nice, kind, easy going. Yet, the women gravitated to Bray.
I got out of the truck and leaned close to smell him. Had to make sure he wasn’t drinking.
“Get off me. I haven’t had anything to drink.”
“Just making sure. It’s my job.”
He laughed. “Ain’t your motherfucking job. Hey, have you nailed Liza yet?”
I shook my head. I was taken. A smile slid across my face at the thought of kissing Dixie. What I felt was pure euphoria.
“Good. Don’t like dipping my wick where you’ve already had your candle.”
“Drive careful,” I told him as the truck door closed. He was cranked up and pulling out before I even made it to the house.
Stepping into the kitchen, I saw Momma in her housecoat putting away the clean dishes. She glanced over her shoulder at me. “That hellion left, didn’t he?” She asked, already knowing the truth.
“Yes, ma’am. He’s gone. Bolted.”
“He’s gonna be my wild card. The one to make me go gray too soon.”
“He thought you’d gone to bed.”
She laughed. “No, he did not. Boy walked out that door knowing good and well I was in here washing the dishes. Son, that lie was for you. He better not knock some girl up. I’ll make him raise the baby. I might not be able to do a lot with him, but I’ll for sure make his ass be a daddy if he creates a life.”
We all knew that to be true for all of us. Bray was careful. We all were. Had to be.
“Where’ve you been all evening?” she asked.
“With Dixie.”
She put her towel down and turned around. “Well, it’s about time. That poor girl has loved you long as I can remember. She’s turned into a real beauty.”
That surprised me. Not sure why. Nothing much ever got by Momma.
“She’s young.”
Momma shrugged. “Your daddy was five years older than me. We were just fine.”
“Yeah, but you were seventeen when you started dating. Almost eighteen.”
“Does she make you happy?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“That right there is all that matters. You will be good to her. Treat her with respect and love her the way she deserves to be loved. That’s what I know. That’s what she knows. You do that and the rest will fall into place. Most of the time anyway.”
“What about her dad?” I asked.
Momma chuckled. “Well, now you might have to run for cover before he takes a gun to you.”
Great. Even Momma thought that might be the outcome.
“Oh, Asher, don’t look so worried. Anything worth having comes with a price.”
This time it was me who laughed. “My life may be the price.”
She shrugged. “You got to figure out if she’s worth that or not. I left you a plate in the microwave. Eat something and get your homework done.” She kissed my cheek, then headed to the living room to watch her evening shows. She’d stay up until Bray got home. Then he’d get an earful, before doing it again tomorrow.
Dixie Monroe
STEEL HADN’T CALLED last night and he hadn’t come by today. I could’ve gotten angry with him, but then again, yesterday I hadn’t been able to put the ring he’d given me back on after taking it off. Before seeing Asher again, wearing that ring wasn’t so hard. But now, it felt wrong. Like I was betraying Asher, even though he’d been the one to turn away from me.
I walked out to my car and glared down at the Sutton house. Why’d I let Asher affect me so much? Would I ever stop caring that he tossed me away after I gave him everything? I jerked the door of my red Jeep open while at the same time my phone started ringing. I stopped and pulled my phone from my pocket.
It was Steel.
Finally.
But I didn’t want to answer.
It continued to ring. On the fourth ring, I gave in and said, “hello.”
“Hey,” he said, then paused. With just one word I knew something was off. His tone was tense. Controlled. “We need to talk,” he said on an exhale.
Asher. This was all because of Asher.
“Why? Did you talk to Asher? Is he not okay with . . . us?”
Steel didn’t reply. His silence spoke volumes. This was about Asher. But why? Why did Asher care? And why was I letting a sliver of hope into my heart?
My knuckles turned white as I gripped the car door. He hadn’t spoken to me in three years, yet he still managed to rip me to pieces every time he was back in town. I needed my closure, some form of finality between us so that I could move on.
“Fine, we’ll talk later, but I have somewhere I need to be. I’ll call you? Is that okay?” I said it not caring if it was okay or not. I wouldn’t talk to Steel again until I found Asher first.