Mateo leaned against the wall, on the side of the house. He didn’t know why he sat out here from time to time. Gave him space, he guessed. It was so different being outside here than it was in the city. Trees, and houses, and so much fucking quiet you could hear the birds sing. This was the perfect kind of place for Josiah. Mateo didn’t know why, but he wondered if the kid’s parents had lived with him in a town like this.
This world was so screwed up. That someone like Josiah could’ve had his parents and the perfect life in a neighborhood like this one, only to have it taken away. Now he had to live with other people, go to different homes and deal with kids giving him shit. Screwed up wasn’t strong enough a word for the world. It was shitty, brutal, and would eat you alive.
He deserved that. Not someone like Josiah.
I don’t like girls, okay?
That had been so fucking stupid of him to just blurt that shit out to someone like Teo. Stupid, and brave as hell. Braver than Teo had ever been, because those words would never cross his lips. His dad made him fuck girls just for actin’ soft, because it was one of the ways to prove he was a man. If he or anyone else knew that Mateo...fuck. They’d kill him. His dad would have killed him or beat him until that desire that Teo buried deep snuffed out.
Tires crunched on the gravel, telling him Molly and Josiah were home. They’d gone to the grocery store, asked Mateo if he wanted to go, too. What the point in a group trip to the grocery store was he didn’t know, but once they’d left, he kind of wished he would’ve gone. Wished he hadn’t told ‘em he was going for a walk because he’d rather be alone.
Doors slammed and feet replaced the sound of tires, and then they were in the house. He flinched when the kitchen window, about three feet away from him, opened.
Water sounded, and he figured Molly was doing the dishes or getting dinner ready. They ate at almost the same time every day, and the house was always clean and William smiled when he got home. It was surreal. He’d seen shit like that on TV but honestly didn’t think people really lived that life.
Mateo was about to walk away when Molly’s voice spoke over the sound of the water. “Is Mateo here?” she asked.
Josiah must have left the room and come back because he answered with, “No. The door to our room is open and he’s not in there.”
His pulse actually started to jog, run, because he didn’t want to hear what came next. And then he knew he had to. If he worried about hearing it was time for him to go, then he knew it really was.
“I planned to ask at the store but I wasn’t sure if it was the best place, but...I wanted to ask you about him,” Molly said.
Josiah was quiet. Teo held his breath, waiting for the answer. Breathe. Walk away. Don’t come back. It’s what I should do.
Teo took one step, then another, but stopped when Josiah spoke.
“What do you want to know? He’s...he’s my friend. It feels wrong to say something about him behind his back.”
He’s my friend. He’s my friend. He’s my friend.
The only friends he’d ever had were the gang, but they didn’t give a shit about saying something behind your back. Guilt weighed heavy in his stomach. That was his family. He shouldn’t be thinking things like that about them.
“This is our life, Teo. Our kingdom. No one will care for you like your family.”
“No, no. That’s not what I mean,” Molly said. “It’s that... he’s quiet. He doesn’t tell us anything. The principal said he almost started a fight the first day of—”
“It wasn’t his fault.” Josiah cut her off. “He was sticking up for me. He’s nice. No one ever defended me like that before. And he’s real smart, too. He’s good at math. Helps me figure it out sometimes. I always hated math.”
Blood rushed through Mateo’s ears, so loudly he could hardly hear. His hands shook. Weak. So fucking weak.
Josiah’s words shoved his dad’s from his head. “He’s nice... And he’s real smart, too...”
The urge to scream hit him. To tell Josiah he didn’t know him. That he wasn’t nice. He’d watched men die and beat up a guy who couldn’t defend himself and puked when his dad made him wrap up the body. That wasn’t nice. It wasn’t smart. It was weak. It was wrong. It was Teo.
“That’s good. I’m happy to hear that,” Molly said. The urge to tell her to shut up washed over him. He didn’t want to hear her speak. He wanted to hear more of what Josiah said, because maybe somehow that would make it real. “I’ve seen you guys spending time together. That’s very good. You look like you have fun when I see you both doing homework.”