Yeah right. He doubted that. All it was was homework, and half the time Mateo was pissy ‘bout it.
“Yeah.” There was no sound. Mateo stepped closer, wondering if Josiah said something he couldn’t hear.
“Yeah?” Molly prompted.
“I guess he makes me feel a little less lonely.”
“You shouldn’t feel alone, Josiah. You know we love having you here.”
Her words became muffled sounds in Teo’s ears. His stomach cramped. Josiah’s words collided into each other in his head, falling off into quiet before surging up and sounding again.
He’d done so much shit. So much bad fucking shit. It was who he was. His dad told him so, and Javier told him. Teo knew that. Knew Josiah’s words were wrong, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want them. Didn’t want to hold them in his hands and tattoo them into his skin so he’d always have them.
Didn’t mean he didn’t wish they were true.
Suddenly it didn’t matter that Javier would be waiting for him or that he’d probably get killed if he showed his face in Brooklyn again. That they’d think he spit on his dad’s legacy by staying away. Whatever happened he’d deal with it, because he fucking wanted what Josiah said. Wanted to pretend he was that person. Wanted to keep Josiah from being alone.
Chapter Seven
November
Josiah
There was something different about the way Mateo acted. For weeks now he’d stood closer to Josiah, watching him and talking to him more frequently. But then he’d have these times when he was even quieter than he used to be—sad in a way that always lingered around Mateo—but somehow darker...lonelier.
Josiah didn’t get it. Maybe he even imagined it because he wanted so much to really know someone. No, to really know Mateo in a way he never got close to anyone before. It was easier that way, but then, no one had really been worth the risk before.
Mateo was worth it. He knew it, felt it in that fluttering feeling in his gut he got every time they were together.
Even if Mateo didn’t see him the same way. Didn’t feel Josiah the way Josiah did him, deep inside. Because he couldn’t. Not really.
But there were times he pretended Mateo saw him the way he saw Mateo. Like right now, when Josiah rolled over in bed, prying his eye open, even though he’d been lying here awake for at least half an hour.
When his eyes scanned the lump under the blue blanket on the other side of the room, he saw Mateo’s eyes trained on him. And he didn’t even have the urge to look away, because he wanted his eyes on Mateo. Wanted to see his secrets, and Mateo to look for his. He already knew the biggest one.
Josiah waited without speaking, expecting Mateo to look away. To make some smart-aleck comment, but it didn’t happen. Their eyes just held each other, like Josiah couldn’t look away even if he wanted to. Was it possible? Was there any way Teo could...he didn’t know...like him, too? He knew Josiah liked boys, but he didn’t treat Josiah any different. Still, he’d never said he liked them, too.
He got that tingle in his gut that Mateo always brought out in him and—oh crap, his dick was getting hard. If Mateo knew he was hard just looking at him he’d be disgusted. He’d hate him. It was one thing to know Josiah liked guys but another to know he got hard when he looked at Teo. That thought sent a blast of cold through Josiah’s system.
“No one’s ever looked at me the way you do. Like...I don’t know.” Mateo’s voice was so soft he hardly heard him. But he had, and Josiah’s face flamed with heat.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean...” No other words would come so he started to roll over instead.
“No.” Mateo’s voice stopped him. “It makes me feel like I’m somethin’.”
Josiah’s heart thundered, rammed into his chest like a battering ram, over and over. “You are something.”
“Yeah?” Mateo asked, what sounded like awe in his voice. How could he not know? He was strong and confident and hot. People feared and respected him. He was everything Josiah wished he could be.
Josiah jumped when someone knocked on the door. His mouth opened, wanting to tell whoever it was to go away. That they were talking and he needed Mateo to know how important he was. Before he got the nerve to speak, Mateo rolled over and turned his back to Josiah, leaving him to call out, “Come in.”
The rest of the day, he wished he could get Mateo alone but it never happened. Molly or William always seemed to show up, Molly who was freaking out in a way Josiah had never seen from her.
“Are you sure you boys will be okay tonight? Mateo hasn’t been here very long, and I’m not sure about leaving you.” Molly looked down to where Mateo sat on the couch. He looked up at her and winked, so normal and natural Josiah wondered if he dreamt the morning up. How could he not be going crazy inside the way Josiah was?