I did what he asked, staring him straight in his eyes looking for any dishonesty. I couldn’t tell.
“I am not with her, have never been in a relationship with her. She was a one-night stand ages ago. She was the biggest leech of them all, selling the much exaggerated details of our night together to the highest bidder. Please, don’t let this stop us from happening. Talk to me, say you still want this, want us.”
He was edging to panic mode again too… What a pair of crazies!
“I-I… don’t know. Is she the reason you have all the secrets?” My voice sounded strained, even to me.
He shook his head, moisture misting his eyes.
I let out a bitter laugh as I compared the two of us. “Why the hell would you want me when you’ve had that? Do all of your exes look like her? What have I got myself into? You must have been repulsed sleeping with me last night, seeing me beneath you, on top of you!” I threw my head into my hands.
He groaned loudly and pulled my hands away. “Are you f**king kidding me? You’re beautiful and funny, smart and sexy as hell. You have me numbered and don’t take my shit. You are worth a million Raquel Banks’ and for the last time I. Am. Not. With. Her.”
I surveyed him skeptically. It actually would have answered some questions if he was with the girl – the secrets he wouldn’t talk about, the weird behaviour, why he pushed our attraction to the side-lines – it would make total sense.
I guessed he could read the doubt on my face. “Believe me, okay, I need you to trust me. These channels fuel gossip and ninety-nine per cent of the time it’s untrue. This time it’s one-hundred per cent untrue. I want you, Tash, but this is the life I’m in. You have to decide if I’m worth it to you, because you certainly are to me! I know since we've met we have managed to avoid the celebrity shit, but it’s there and as much as I wish it wasn't, it is what it is and it’s not going anywhere. But I want you to try. I need you to be able to handle all the crap that comes with being with me… please.”
He laid his head in my lap, his arms tight around my back. We stayed that way for several minutes.
He had told me in advance that being with him wouldn’t be easy. He was right, but it had been easy to forget that he was a public figure. I had met him in Calgary while he wasn’t shooting a film, I’d never even seen him act and I’d let myself pretend he was normal for a while, but he wasn’t, was he?
I was fully aware that our relationship was moving faster than a fat lass out of a slimming club, but then, like they always say, when you know, you know, right? There was nothing in the past several months of my new crazy life that I would deem as ‘normal’, so surely falling for a massively famous, troubled, tattooed ‘Bad Boy’ could just be part of this parallel universe I had found myself in. For the first time in my life I wanted to be impulsive, I wanted to embark on this roller-coaster ride with Tudor, and I wanted to continue to seize the day.
Tash, just go the hell with it. After all, to live a life with no regrets was surely better than thinking on what could have been, should have been. Nobody ever gets to the end of their life and thinks, ‘I wish I had lived more cautiously’, ‘I’m so happy I never tried something new’ or ‘I’m glad I let the potential love of my life go because I was too scared to take a chance’.
So here was the new Tash, the girl who would put her trust in her heart, not her head, and the one that deserved to be loved and gave her love freely to someone who would treasure it. Some people might think it rash and even stupid, but roles reversed, can you honestly say you wouldn’t do the same? Especially if it meant that you got to ride Tudor North’s very talented love-pole for the rest of your days? Multiple orgasms can be a very persuasive factor when deciding to give a guy a chance.
A whisper of a smile reached my lips as I remembered the ‘real’ side to Tudor, the man and not the celebrity, and the way he cared for me when I was ill. Didn’t he deserve a chance? Didn’t we deserve a chance?
Carpe Diem it is!
I lifted Tudor’s head from my lap; his eyes were shut and his body tense, obviously bracing himself for my rejection. I put a hand on either side of his face and drew him to my level. He huffed out a breath and opened his eyes cautiously.
“You can trust me, Tudor, and I will trust you, and in time we can trust each other enough to disclose everything. Now, how about we take that walk?”
He looked at me warily for several seconds before his mouth lifted into a lop-sided smirk and he leaned in to kiss me. He touched his forehead to mine, relief pouring from his wide grin.