I walked up to the bar and ordered three beers. By the time I walked back to the table and set them down, I knew something was very wrong. I looked at Ellie and Heather. They were both just staring out at the dance floor. Heather looked like she was about to start crying.
“Cookie Jar” by Gym Class Heroes was playing, and I was having a déjà vu moment. Do I want to turn around and look?
No…but I did. I immediately saw Josh and Lynda dancing. Oh fuck. They were all over each other while Josh was kissing her. I’m going to fucking kill him. He already had a beer in one hand, on his way to getting drunk. The way he was grinding into Lynda was enough to piss me off.
I turned back around and saw Ellie looking at me. She mouthed do something to me. What the hell am I supposed to do? Lynda was an adult, and Josh and Heather weren’t together. So, what does Ellie want me to do?
Heather was still staring at Josh and Lynda. Then, she looked over at Ellie and started laughing.
“What in the world could you possibly find funny about this, Heather?” Ellie asked.
Heather shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. “I was just thinking that this is the perfect song for that asshole. It’s pretty clear to me that he has moved on, so maybe I need to do the same thing.” Then, she picked up her beer and started to down it.
I looked at Ellie as I sat down.
“Aren’t they going to want to card Heather and me when they see us drinking these beers?”
“I’ve been coming here for years. They don’t even as for my ID anymore. Country-living, Ellie.”
“Huh, I’m gonna have to remember that when we have kids,” Ellie said as she took a sip of her beer.
I threw my head back and laughed. Then, I leaned over and gave her a kiss. I love this damn girl.
***
As the night went on, Heather and Josh were both trying to drink each other out of their minds. The two of them were getting wasted and not giving a shit about it. Heather was dancing with every guy who asked, and Josh and Lynda looked like they needed to get a fucking room.
“Gunner, I’m worried about Heather. She’s really getting drunk, and you know she doesn’t drink this much very often. Maybe we should leave now,” Ellie said, watching Heather talk to the DJ.
“Yeah, I’m thinking it’s about time to go as well. I think you’re going to have to drive my truck, sweetheart, since you only drank one beer. There’s no way I’m letting Josh drive with as much as he has had to drink.”
I watched as Heather walked up to the guy she had been dancing with for the last thirty minutes. She reached out her hand, and then they both started to walk toward the dance floor. She led him right next to Josh and Lynda.
Britney Spear’s “Womanizer” started to play, and I knew that this wasn’t going to end well. I looked at Ellie, who was just staring at Heather with her mouth hanging open. I glanced back out to the dance floor to see Heather and this guy all over each other. I was about to tell Ellie to go get Heather.
Then, she said, “Oh, holy fuck.”
I looked back and Heather and the guy were kissing, and his hands were all over her. Then, he moved his hands her shirt. I looked over at Josh and saw the look in his eyes. I jumped up and started to walk out toward them when Ellie grabbed my arm.
“Gunner, wait. Stop. Don’t get involved, please.”
Just then, I saw Josh grabbed this guy from behind and spun him around. Motherfucker. He’s going to punch him.
Sure enough, Josh swung and knocked the shit out of the guy. I pushed Ellie’s hand off of my arm and ran over to Josh. I grabbed him before he went after the guy again.
“What the fuck is your problem, you asshole?” The guy shouted at Josh.
“That’s my girl you’re kissing, you motherfucker.”
Heather had her hand over her mouth in shock. Josh was trying to get out of my grip, but he was so drunk he could hardly stand up. When Josh yelled out that she was his girl, Heather started to laugh.
She walked up to Josh, and he instantly stopped struggling against me.
“My girl? Are you kidding me? You practically fuck her on the dance floor all night long, and then you have the nerve to hit a guy for kissing me! You really are a jerk, do you know that?” Heather said as she poked her finger over and over again in Josh’s chest.
“He had his hand up your shirt, Heather. You’re not that kind of girl,” Josh said as he tried to pull out of my grip.
“Josh, if I let you go, will you settle down?” I let up some on my hold.
“Fine, Gunner, just let my ass go. If this is what she wants, then so be it.” Josh started to walk away.
“Fuck you, Josh!” Heather shouted.
He slowly turned around and smiled at her.
“You already had your chance. It’s someone else’s turn now.”
Ah shit. Ellie walked between Josh and Heather just as Heather was about to go after Josh.
“Heather, stop this right now and let’s just go. Lynda, are you riding with Gunner or me?”
“She’s going with Gunner. I’m sure her and Josh haven’t finished what they started.”
Heather pushed past Ellie and Lynda and then followed Josh out of the bar.
Jesus, what a crazy-ass group of friends I have.
I took Ellie by the arm and led her out of the bar. When we got to the side of the building, I pushed her up against the wall and kissed her. Her hands immediately went up to my head, as she pulled at my hair. She let out a moan that traveled throughout my whole body.
I pulled slightly away from her and smiled.
“Wow. What the heck was that for?” Ellie asked, pushing her body into me.
My dick instantly got hard, and I wanted nothing more than to get her home.
“For marrying me and loving me,” I said, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear.
She smiled up at me. Leaning in, she was about to kiss me when we heard Josh and Heather going at it again.
“Holy shit, it’s like Ari and Jeff all over again!” I said.
I took Ellie’s hand and led her to the parking lot as she let out a laughed.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
JEFF
Ari had finally cried herself to sleep thirty minutes ago. I just sat there and watched her sleep as I thought about how I’d walked away from her earlier.
Fuck. If only she had just told me once she’d found out about the baby, I would have handled things so differently.
I put my head down in my hands and felt the tears coming again. This was entirely my fault. Just like Ellie had said, I’d left them both to run to some nutcase whose only goal was to tear me away from the only person I’d ever love.
Our baby is gone. I never even got to place my hand on her stomach to talk to the baby. I never had one second to just enjoy the idea of being a parent with Ari.
God, I can’t imagine how scared she must have been this last week. I knew something was different about her. I haven’t even gotten a chance to just hold her. I just wanted to comfort her.
I stood up and pulled out my cell phone. It was about to die, there was no way I was going to my truck to get the charger. With my luck, Ari would wake up and find me gone.
The nurse had come in earlier and said that Ari would be able to leave tomorrow morning. I walked over to the side of her bed. She’d managed to roll over on her side even though I knew she was in pain from her ribs. I had to smile when she kept cussing out the doctor, insisting her ribs had to be broken because she was in so much pain.
I love this girl so damn much.
I needed to hold her. I crawled onto the bed and tried to very gently lie down next to her. I didn’t want to touch her for fear of waking her up or, worse yet, hurting her.
“It’s about fucking time you got in bed with me.”
I smiled and then let out a laugh. There’s my girl.
“I want to hold you, Ari, but I’m afraid I’ll hurt you, baby.”
“Please, Jeff. Please just hold me. I need to feel you.”
That was all I needed. Moving closer to her, I gently put my arm around her. I felt her relax instantly.
I was just about to fall asleep when she started to talk to me.
“I’m so scared, Jeff.”
“Why are you scared, baby?”
“What if I can’t have kids?”
“What? Ari, why would you even think that? Women have miscarriages and then have other kids all the time.”
“Do you think I’ll be a good mother? I mean, like my mom? If we do have a child with Fragile X, can I.”
I leaned over and kissed the back of her head. I wanted nothing more than to just take her away from all of this. If only I could turn the hands of the clock back to this morning, I would have never walked away from her.
“Ari, I have no doubt in my mind, baby, that you’re going to be a wonderful mother. I see you with Matt. I see the love and patience you have with him. I’m in awe when I watch you. I love you, Ari, and I’m so sorry I did this to you.”
She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I could tell she was crying.
Then, for the hundredth time tonight, the guilt hit me like a brick wall. All I wanted to do was call Rebecca and tell her how much I hated her. What good would that do though?
“Jeff?”
I cleared my throat and attempted to talk.
“Yeah, baby?”
“I really started to love the idea of having our baby. I feel like I took that away from you. Just because we lost her doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have been able to feel the same joy I felt. But now…now, I just feel like a huge part of me is missing, like I just lost the most precious gift ever, and I never even gave you the chance to feel it also. What type of person does that make me?”
My heart was hurting so bad in my chest that I couldn’t breathe. I had to get up. I started to sit up carefully, so I didn’t move the bed too much. I didn’t want to hurt Ari.
Ari slowly turned, trying to sit herself up.
I felt like I was going to be sick. I knew there was something wrong the moment I had Rebecca’s baby in my arms. Instead of being happy, I’d felt sad, like I had just lost something. I knew in that moment, the baby wasn’t mine, but what I didn’t know was that I was truly losing my own child.
“Ari, what time did you fall off of the horse?”
“What difference does it make?”
“I just want to know.”
“I don’t know. It was probably an hour, maybe an hour and a half after you left. Why?”
I leaned over and started taking deep breaths. This was my fault. If I hadn’t left her, she would have never gone riding. She would’ve told me about the baby, and we would be home right now, making love...celebrating...and hoping Garrett didn’t walk in on us.
I had taken that gift from her. I tried with all my might not to do, it but I started to cry. I fell to my knees and just lost it. I took our child away from her.
The next thing I knew, Ari was on the floor next to me, holding me while I just cried.
“I’m so sorry, Ari. I’m so very sorry I left y’all. Oh god…please forgive me.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Jeff. I’m to blame, and so is Rebecca. If she’d never tried to deceive you or if I had just told you the moment I found out about the baby...none of this would’ve happened. Please don’t blame yourself. Please, baby, don’t. We’re going to get through this…you and me together. Just promise me one thing.”